Story of My Life
by nes
Summary: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…is yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story. R&R!
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ thoughts

A/N: I am beyond embarrassed as I write this author's note…I've read all the reviews from last chapter and it saddened me to see their date…2007. Dear Lord, FOUR YEARS AGO! But, I do need to explain that I went to college and graduated already and I am currently working 10 hours a day so…somewhere along the line I guess I just…forgot Story of My Life. But I've received a PM from Savel a few weeks ago and it brought my attention back to the story. I've re-read it and fell in love with the characters once again. I am happy to say that I have planned all chapters left to this story and I even know the ending so, now, all I need to do is write the damn thing! AND I WILL!

I'm back in the game!

So I've re-edited this chapter…added a few things, changed a few verbs…but I didn't take the basis of it, because I do not wish to change the story.

As usual…read and review!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Prologue**

"Are you sure I'm okay?"

"For the fifth time this week, you're fine."

"But how are you so sure?"

"Because I happen to be a doctor, you know? Doctors? The ones who cure people?"

"You can't cure me."

"You're not ill!"

"Yes I am!"

"Not for the reasons you think!"

Are you looking at that? That's me having another crisis. When I set in my mind that I have something inside that's going to kill me, there's no one on this earth that can make me think otherwise. I've suffered from this for the past ten years. A few years ago, doctors told me the scientific name for people like me: hypochondriacs. It's almost like we have two personalities: one is positive and the other is negative. And usually, the negative one is stronger than the positive.

Some say people become hypochondriacs due to some pain they've suffered in the past; that's my shrinks' opinion; and others believe that unhappiness provokes this disease. And that's what my best friend thinks about all this. She keeps telling me that something in my life isn't making me happy and that's the reason for all of this nonsense.

I don't know who's right and who's wrong.

All I know is that neither of them fully understands what's in my soul…in my mind.

"You have to stop this Kaoru. You're so afraid of dying and yet you don't realize that you're _killing_ yourself. With those fears, those…insane thoughts, you'll only get yourself _killed_. And it won't be by a disease. It'll be your mind _killing_ you."

"You know I hate that word Misao."

"Well you have to face it! Maybe that's the problem! If you can't confront your own thoughts, then how can you confront life?"

"If I didn't confront my thoughts then I would have committed suicide years ago!"

It's always like this. I seek help, for some disease that it's not there. And because the doctors tell me I am not sick, I get mad. Mad at them, mad at the world, mad at myself to begin with. They think I don't fight against my 'insane thoughts'.

They're wrong.

Have you ever wondered 'what if' about something in your life? I live in constant 'what if'. My brain starts questioning and wondering things that, at first, aren't reasonable even for me but, after a while thinking over and over again the same topic, my mind isn't so sure about what's possible and what's not, and I start living in 'what if'. Usually, when I'm depressed, I have a 'crisis', meaning that I have a panic attack caused by my thoughts. I start hyperventilating, shivering all over… It's a bad sight.

'Is she insane', you wonder. That's the hardest part for me, I guess. Only two people know about this: my shrink and my best friend, Dr. Makimachi Misao.

Who is tapping her foot impatiently at the floor in this instant.

"There you are going into your own world. What were you thinking just now?"

"Nothing important. You're sure I don't have anything?"

"Kaoru, you must be one of the healthiest persons walking on this earth. You do check-ups on your body every week." Misao pointed out. Right.

"What if I have something that isn't still awake? What if I have the disease in me and I'll live with it until the day it decides to start destroying me?"

"Kaoru, I'm not God and neither are you! You _are_ going to die! Either if it's in an hour or in a hundred years, you're not immortal, and that's a reality you must face! No one can predict their time to pass away. The only thing you can do is enjoy the time you have left and turn it into something good and fulfilling!"

I sigh. It's a never win battle. I'm never able to prove that my fears are real and, in return, I'm given a lecture that never changes. Surprisingly though, she hasn't mentioned my—

"And that boyfriend of yours isn't helping you at all!"

Ah, here it is.

"Instead of helping you, he's doing nothing but complicating the situation!"

"Shouldn't we be focusing on me?"

"We _are_ focusing on you! You should be with someone that cares for you, not someone that keeps staring at his so called perfect image every single second of his stupid, vain life! And what a big vain life we're talking about!"

"You're overreacting."

"You have no idea how much it hurts me to see my best friend going down on a hill and having nothing in life that makes her happy."

"I have things that make me happy. I love my job."

"Oh please, designing clothes can't be _that_ exciting."

"And I suppose dealing with sick people is paradise!"

"No, it's not, but at least I am fulfilled with my life, unlike you."

This is going nowhere.

"I bet you two don't even have time to talk. Does he know about this?"

No, he doesn't. But she doesn't understand how difficult it can be to explain what I have without the other person thinking I'm a lunatic. Especially my boyfriend.

"We do talk, okay? I've gotta go." I say, getting up and grabbing my purse.

We say goodbye and I leave her office.

The sky is really blue today and a cool breeze touches my face, caressing it, as if telling me not to worry. I've lived in Nagoya all my life. The only place I've ever visited up to today was Kyoto, and I have to admit it was worth it. If one day I would have to move somewhere in this country, I'd go to Kyoto.

I'm a young Japanese woman, with 24 years old. I have a gorgeous boyfriend, who is a model; friends and a good job. I should be happy. I am happy.

I just…can't feel it.

Lost in my thoughts, my feet lead me to Yamazaki River and I sit on a bench, under a sakura tree, observing my surroundings. Its spring and sakura are blossoming. I love this river mostly because of its trees. People from all around the world come here to see Nagoya's temples, shrines, castles, and they never fail to see this place.

The river is almost gone and people are enjoying the nice weather, making picnics and walking in the low river. Children play with the sand, the sun lightens the place, making everything in front of me look so blessed. I remember years ago, when my own parents would bring me here.

I smile faintly at the memory.

Usually, I try not to think about my past. It never fails to make me wish I could turn back time and somehow change what happened.

They would bring me here, in a perfect spring day, just like today, and would watch me closely as I played with the sand and the small puddles. My mother would prepare a small picnic and we would enjoy the weather and nature, under the sakura trees.

When I was little, I actually thought they were magical. I thought that if one stayed under a sakura tree, fully happy, every joy would last forever.

But it didn't work out that way. They left, and I was alone to face my fears. I was alone to grow up and face a life without warmth.

I close my eyes, feeling a stubborn tear rolling down my left cheek. "I miss you daddy…"

"Here."

My eyes open at the unknown voice, only to stare at a blue handkerchief being held out by a hand in front of my face. Following the arm, my eyes stop at the face of a smiling man. He is looking at me with a small smile, his face showing sympathy and wisdom. I look back at the small piece of clothe in front of me and grab it, smiling thankfully at the mysterious man. He nods and turns, walking away.

"W-Wait! You forgot your handkerchief!"

He turns and smiles. "Don't worry. You'll give it back next time!" And with that, he is gone.

Next time? What in the world did he mean with that?

I look down at the small fabric. It was light blue and it had a small dotty pattern. I pull it closer to my face and smell the distinct smell of sandalwood. Such a nice and simple gesture…

A cold breeze warns me that it's been more than two hours since I got to the part. I return home a few moments later, my mind focused on the mysterious stranger. Entering my apartment, I can't help but still be puzzled with the stranger's behaviour. I mean, why would he give me something his out of the blue?

"Oh great _koi_, you're back! Help me to decide will ya?"

I look up at my boyfriend just as he gives me a light kiss on my forehead and heads back into our room. Sitting on the comfy couch, I sigh, waiting patiently for Enishi to return. I almost forgot he's having a shooting session today, in the middle of the night.

Talk about a strange job.

He reenters the room, his arms full with t-shirts, and he starts laying them on top of the low table we have in front of the couch.

"I was at Misao's today."

No answer. He's busy displaying the shirts.

"She said I need to find something to fulfill my life so that—"

"So? What color? Green? Blue? Orange would be nice, _ne_?"

I stare at him for a second before nodding at his suggestion. He dresses the orange shirt and looks at me. "What you think?"

"It looks great."

"Good! I'm taking this one then! I'm taking a shower, okay?" He leaves the room without even waiting for the answer, leaving the clothes on top of the table.

I look at them, and then glance up to the night view outside the large window in the living room.

"So that I stop being unhappy." I murmur to the empty space.

Misao's words echo in my mind as I lean back against the couch. The gas-heater is on and I let my eyes wander into the dark outside.

Another night I'm left alone. Yet another night I'll need my pills to fall asleep, or I won't be able to rest. When it's night, or when I'm alone, my 'insane thoughts' tend to get worse and I usually have a panic attack. Today, both collide.

My mind returns to this afternoon. Unconsciously, my hand reaches the small clothe inside my coat. How can a small gesture like this one give so much comfort? For no reason, I'm wishing that the stranger had stayed with me longer than he did. I'd give everything to receive this handkerchief again right now. A pang hits my heart and tears form in my eyes. I shut them tightly and breathe in. Exhaling, I open my eyes and rise from the couch, picking up the clothes to put them back where they belong.

Suddenly, reality hits me and I realize something I should have realized long before.

I'm not happy.

I am not okay.

I have nothing holding me alive.

Maybe I don't fear diseases.

Maybe I long for one.

This is my life.

And life's a bitch.

* * *

To Be Continued…

A/N:Well, here it is, RE-EDITED! YAY! For those who are still there, accompanying me in this incredible and long (sighs) journey, hello! And for those who have just started reading this, welcome! I do hope you enjoy it and read it until the end!

Bye for now!

Hugs and kisses!

Nes.

P.S: Oh…and REVIEW if you wish ^.^


	2. Handkerchief

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ thoughts

A/N: Still re-editing…there were so many stupid mistakes…geesh…

Anyway, on with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter One: Handkerchief**

'I'm fine thank you.'

That's what I automatically reply when someone asks me how I'm doing. It saves the trouble of making others worried about me, and plus, less phone bills. If everyone answered 'I'm feeling terrible!' each time someone called them, there wouldn't be enough money in the world to pay for all the bills. Besides, it would take hours to explain what I have, and they'd probably end up not understanding anyway.

Most of my friends, the ones who are oblivious to my inner state, say that I'm funny, mature and confident. Is that really what I show to others? My shrink says it's a mask I've unconsciously created to shield myself from the world and its dangers and, at the same time, to shield myself from me.

I am constantly questioning myself, my life, and others. I think about diseases and death 24 hours a day. Even when I'm sleeping, my thoughts are still there to turn my sleep into a nightmare.

I'm not happy. But, apparently, I say and even _show_ people that I am.

Am I insane?

I guess not, since insane people don't realize they actually are. They live in constant denial of their surroundings, only believing in their mind's reality. I'm not in denial. I know who I am. I know what I have.

I just don't know how to make it go away.

Sometimes I'm afraid of being happy. Afraid that, when happiness arrives, a disease will come and destroy me, taking away the happiness I had wished for so long. So I guess I prefer not to be happy.

Even though I keep saying I am.

Sigh. I'm not making any sense...

My eyes focus on the light blue handkerchief in front of me. I thought they didn't make things like this anymore. And I sure didn't expect meeting a young man still wearing them. At least I know he environmentally friendly. Unlike me. Every time I have a so called 'crisis', I turn into a tissue monster.

How am I going to give it back anyway?

It's been a week since that day, and I have no idea who he is. Plus, I don't remember his face all too well; my tears blurred my vision and he was gone before I could say anything. Maybe I should…

Don't be stupid Kaoru.

You should what? Go to the park and sit on the same bench, waiting for the mysterious stranger? Then he arrives, you give back his handkerchief, he says he hadn't stop thinking about you since the day he met you, kisses you and live happily ever after.

Right. Me and Cinderella. So much alike.

I should just throw it away.

But what if I come across him in the middle of the street and he asks for it? That would be embarrassing.

Argh! I'm confusing myself!

I grab the small fabric and place it in my pocket. I'm not going to lose my time thinking about this. Even though I already am…

Checking the water and gas tap, I leave the apartment. It's about nine in the morning, and Nagoya is peaceful. Dogs are lying on the green grass, eyes closed to the warming sun. It's a nice, warm, spring day and I'm really not in the mood to go to work today. I've been kind of lazy lately. My shrink says it's because I'm giving myself up to the disease.

Whatever...

I guess I'm tired of fighting against something that I shouldn't be fighting to begin with: me!

Alright…work can wait.

I let my mind drift away from those thoughts and, soon enough, I find myself at Yamazaki River. This is so ridiculous. The guy is probably giving other handkerchiefs to lots of girls at this moment. Maybe he even owns a factory! Either way, he probably has more interesting things to do with his life than saving damsels in distress...ou crying damsels in my case.

I mean, why would he come? And to see _me_?

Well…not exactly to see me, but to have his handkerchief back.

But, even so, I am an idiot, and so I sit at the same bench I sat a week ago. There are no children playing this time, nor people making picnics. Just me and mother nature. The peaceful aura around this place comforts my soul and I wish deeply that my disease would disappear. If it went away, I'd be able to feel this comfort and peace within me every waking moment.

Or not.

I reach for the little clothe inside my pocket and stare at it. How stupid of me to believe…

You're not coming are you, stranger?

I smirk.

Yes, you're not coming a second time. You're not an angel, nor do you have a mission to make everyone on this earth happy and at peace with themselves.

So why keep you, Mr. Handkerchief? Might as well set you free...

"I hope you're not planning to throw it away."

I jump in my seat, clenching the poor fabric to death. Don't tell me…

I look up to my right and, indeed, I see the same smiling man staring at me, curiously.

My mouth is slightly opened, not a sound coming out of it. I have no idea what to say, or what I'm doing here...at this point I don't even know my name. All I know is...

He is here.

Without the tears in my eyes, but with my heart beating fast and loudly, I have the opportunity to, not only look like an idiot, but to admire the being in front of me. Maybe I was wrong about him not being an angel. His soft violet eyes glance at me with so much warmth that I feel a sudden urge to cry all of a sudden.

You're actually here.

You, Mr. Stranger. The handkerchief man. You came. But…

"Why?"

Kaoru! Don't say it out loud! You can't just start asking questions out of the blue and—

"I don't know."

— expect them...to answer…

That shut my inner voice up.

We stare at each other for moment, before he sits on the bench beside me. I know it's rude, but I keep staring at him. Is he a lunatic? Oh my, maybe I should just give back the handkerchief and leave this place.

"You were crying." He says softly, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes.

I'm sure I'm blushing right now. I've never delt with being on the spot that well.

Answer him!

"I was." Great. That was brilliant.

"Why?"

"Because I'm not happy, I guess."

"Do you know what happiness is?"

Getting married, with three kids and a dog? "I think so…"

"Human being never finds happiness. He's always asking for more. Always seeking for more answers. He's never happy with what he has at the moment. Because he is greedy."

Hum… "So, if he never finds happiness, why bother looking for it?"

"It makes him keep on living."

I blink and look ahead, at the river. Sakura leafs fall into the low river, creating an illusion of snow. Snow in the spring. His handkerchief is still held in my hands, forgotten.

This is insane.

Here I am, seating next to a stranger, who is telling me that happiness doesn't exist and that we're destined to be unhappy for the rest of our lives. Just what I needed to hear…

"But..."

I look at him sideways.

"If you reach a point in your life, where you lay at night fully content with what you have, what you've accomplished, and what you've lived through that day, then you've found true happiness."

"I thought you said human being never finds happiness…"

"All of us seek for it, but only a few of us actually find it."

Well, I'm definitely not one of them.

"Have you found it?"

He looks at me intensely, making me shiver for a second. "Perhaps."

I smile faintly and look down at my hands. Lifting the article, I give it to him. "Here. You said to return it back next time. Thank you."

"It's yours."

I blink twice. "What?"

He nods, placing the handkerchief back in my hands. "It's yours. Maybe it will help to put a smile on your lips more often."

I'm smiling now. "Thanks."

But why did he ask me to give it back when he didn't want it in the first place?

I ask him just that.

"I wanted to see if you'd really come."

That shut me up. Is he a pervert?

I comb my hair, nervously. "Yeah well…actually, I have no idea why I'm here. I guess I...I wanted to feel once again the comfort your eyes gave me last time. I'm sorry if I'm being too bold, but the truth is," I stop, turning to look at him in the eye. "Your eyes and this handkerchief were able to give me a peaceful moment for the first time in ten years." I breathe in deeply. "You have no idea how that feels."

"Maybe I do."

"Really?"

He looks at the river. "I've come to this place every day for four years now. Always seeking peace, just as you. But it was only that day, when I saw you crying alone, that I felt something inside me. A will to do something good; to help someone in need."

"Are you a priest?"

He gives a good laugh. "No, not at all. Let's just say…it's the path I've chosen to follow in order to find my inner peace."

I nod. Maybe he's as lost as I am. But he spoke so sure of himself a while ago. "I thought you were sure of what you were telling me."

"Oh, I am. Actually," He paused, glancing at his watch, making me glance at my own.

It's ten o'clock already? I should be working by now! They're going to kill me…or bomber me with questions. Which is worse.

He suddenly rises from his seat and holds out his hand. "Come with me. I want to show you something."

I look at his hand doubtfully.

Is he serious? He could be a serial killer. Or a pervert. Or both…

I glance up at him. "I don't know you."

He grins, tilling his head to the side.

"But you were waiting for me."

Well...point to Mr. Stranger.

I give a small smile and accept his invitation.

Yes, I am insane.

* * *

To Be Continued…

A/N: Well, another chapter re-edited. I just removed a few sentences that didn't make sense, changed some verbs and completed some thoughts that were just…meaningless.

Anyway, read and review everyone and enjoy the ride!

Hugs and Kisses!

Nes.


	3. Florence

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

A/N: **Re-edited!**

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Two: Florence**

If my mother was alive, she'd be freaking out right now. Ever since I was a kid, she'd always say 'Never walk away with strangers because they'll do something bad to you!'

I really hope you were wrong mom…or else, I'll be dead in a couple of minutes.

The stranger is walking by my side, with a gentle smile set on his lips. He doesn't look like a killer to me. Then again, I've heard stories about little kids who killed their entire families and they sure didn't look like criminals. Maybe I should just turn around and leave. My partners must be worrying, especially since I forgot my cell at home. Read somewhere that specialists say they give brain tumor and other diseases. I'm definitely not risking that for a piece of technology.

I glance at him from the corner of my eye. This killer thing is really bothering me now.

"Are you kidnapping me?" Wow…what a great question, Kaoru...you never seize to amaze me.

He chuckles. "Perhaps."

Eehhh?

"But," He says, looking at me shortly. "Don't you think you should be tied up, with your eyes covered and in my car's trunk?"

Well...

"I don't even have a car."

"Really?" I ask, curiosity being stronger than my fear. "Why not?"

He shrugs. "I think life is too beautiful for you to drive fast by it. And then someone crashes against you and you die in the most stupid way."

"I've never thought of it that way."

"You drive?"

I shake my head. "I'm too lazy to start up with lessons." I answer him, grinning.

He smiles.

Silence falls between us and we keep walking somewhere. It's a beautiful morning. It's amazing how we keep having some kind of conversation even without knowing each other. I don't even know his name. But somehow, that makes it all the more special.

"My boyfriend says I should though…take driving lessons, you know?"

"Why is that?"

I shrug. "I don't know. I guess he thinks it would give me more freedom."

"Freedom? How can you have freedom when you can only drive on that particular road? You have to follow the path already established by someone who didn't know what he was doing when he built it."

I laugh. "How do you always find a way to contradict what every other person thinks?"

"I like to be myself. And think for myself." He smiles softly.

I grin.

"What are you grinning about?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

"Well…it's just…I've never met anyone like you before." I feel my cheeks burning. Damn blush.

He doesn't say anything. Maybe he thinks I'm flirting with him. Then again, it _did_ sound like I was. I should just re-phrase it.

I open my mouth to speak but he beats me to it.

"Tell me something."

I title my head to the side, closing my mouth, waiting for him to continue.

"If you could choose a place in the world, any place, which one would you choose?"

A place in the world? Hm…not the question I was expecting. Let's see…

"I would choose Florence."

"Italy?"

I nod. Most definitely. I'd give anything to visit Florence.

"That's interesting."

"Why so?"

"I half expected you to name a place here in Japan."

"I guess I'm not that predictable then!"

"You sure are not."

"Is it bad?"

He shakes his head. "Not at all. People are boring when they're easy to figure out."

"Oh I'm not easy at all to be figured out."

"How so?"

I chuckle lightly. "Too long to explain…you don't mind, do you?"

"No. I'm just here to make you comfortable."

We continue to walk and I suddenly realize we've been walking for half an hour already! How much longer will it take to get to the mysterious destination?

"So…where are we going anyway?"

"To a place I go often. You'll like it."

"Really? How are you so sure?"

He stops walking and I turn to look at him, surprised. Did I say something wrong?

His eyes held comprehension and, for the first time, I feel like he understood what I'm going through. Even if I haven't said anything.

"Because you're as lost now as I once was."

I blink and we stay staring at each other for a few seconds. He then smiles softly and nods, resuming his pace.

Who are you, stranger? And how do you seem to know so much about me when I don't even know it myself? In half an hour, you figured out more things about me than all of my friends in years. Am I that crystal clear to you?

"You don't want to come anymore?" He asks and I realize I'm still standing on the spot he left me. Nodding quickly, I resume my walk beside him.

I wonder what he's thinking. Is he crazy? Does he think I'm crazy? I would think that.

No, wait.

I _do_ think that. We're two strangers who don't even know each other's names, talking as if we were longtime friends. I don't know what you have around you, Mr. Stranger, but I feel like I can talk with you about everything and anything.

"So why don't you?"

I blink. "Huh?"

"You were whispering." He answers simply.

Oh, how much more embarrassing can I get? Come on...

"Sorry." And I'm blushing again.

"No need to. So…why don't you?"

"Why don't I what?" I ask, blinking.

"Why don't you talk with me about everything and anything?"

I give a small smile. "Because you have no obligation to listen to my rambles."

"I'm here, am I not?"

Smiling, I nod gratefully. "Indeed."

He smiles and we stare at each other for a moment. Then, he glances briefly at something, and looks at me. "Wait here."

"Where are you going?"

"I'll be right back." And he walks away, leaving me puzzled and alone.

We're currently at a small park in the middle of the city. I've never been here before but, then again, I never took the time to explore my birthplace. I sit down on a bench near a tree and wait for the mysterious man to return.

Birds are chirping on the trees and I close my eyes to enjoy the moment. I guess I needed a day like this, away from my job. Even though I hate to admit it, designing clothes doesn't fulfill me at all. Most often than not, I'm sitting at my desk dreaming of a kind of freedom I don't have. Dreaming with the possibility of, one day, just leave everything behind and start a new life, somewhere far away from here. But I can't leave my problems behind…because I am my own problem.

So complicated...

I want to be happy. But, at the same time, I'm scared of being happy. And then _he_ says human beings will never be truly happy, unless they stop asking for more. I'm always asking for more. Not more money, or anything, but more living conditions for myself. Less worries about my health; more enjoyable moments like this one; strength enough to be happy.

Maybe I'll never find happiness. Perhaps, I'm one of the many who search their entire lives for something that's out of their reach.

A hand suddenly covers my eyes and before I could open my mouth to scream bloody murder, a beautiful voice whispers near my ear.

"I'm back."

I smile lightly, letting go of my breath. Geesh, I thought I was being kidnapped. My eyes are uncovered and I blink twice to adjust them to the morning light. He's standing in front of me, his hands at his back, smiling warmly.

"Did I scare you?"

I shake my head. "Not at all." _Liar_.

He smiles. "Good. Here." He says, giving me a small brown package.

"What is this?" I ask, taking the small bundle from his hands.

"Open and see."

My hands open the package and my eyes widen when I see what's inside. Grabbing the small gift, I glance at him with my mouth slightly open. "Florence."

He nods. "Florence."

In my hands, lies a small glassy globe, with the city of Florence inside. I shake it slowly and little snowflakes fall over the city, making it look so real that I feel tears in my eyes. It's the most beautiful present anyone has ever given me.

"Something for you to remember me by."

I look up at him. "Thank you. It's beautiful."

"Whenever you feel like giving up, look at that globe and reach out for me. I'll find a way to come to you."

I chuckle. "How?"

He stares at me intensely. "I will listen to your calling."

He sits next to me, and we both stare at the little Florence, as a future promise.

I don't know who he is.

I don't know why he's doing this.

But to me…

He's my angel of peace.

* * *

To Be Continued…

A/N: Aww I actually love this chapter. Well, the ending of this chapter. Anyway, here it is! Chapter 2 revised!

Keep on reading and reviewing if you wish!

Hugs and Kisses!

Nes.


	4. Meditation

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

A/N: **Re-edited!**

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Three: Meditation**

"Breathe."

Inhale.

Exhale.

I confess meditation wasn't exactly what I had in mind when he said he wanted to show me something. How am I supposed to find my answers in my inner being, if my problem is my inner being to begin with? I mean, I can understand that, for some people, looking inside themselves is the solution for all their problems.

But, for me, my life is a meditation session twenty-four hours a day.

And besides, I don't think I was made to stay still in one place for too long.

Even now, doing something as simple as closing my eyes and relax, trying to find some peace within me, I keep cracking an eye open once in a while, glancing around, feeling absolutely nothing.

If only I could truly explain myself to someone. Even with my psychiatrist, I can't tell her my deepest fears and conflicts. Why? Because I know she'll think I'm crazy. How can you explain that you're afraid to eat some types of food because you think someone crazy put something in it that could kill you, without the person thinking YOU'RE the one crazy?

Right...You don't.

So I keep silent about some of my worst fears. My brain just goes over and over thinking about that and soon enough, I find myself not eating anything, until my best friend notices my sudden weight loss and asks if there's something wrong.

'Not at all, I'm fine. It must be stress or something.'

I'll never say it. I can't tell her. I'm scared.

I'm not insane. I know I'm not.

I just…think too much, I guess. And the longer I am without doing anything, the more I think about impossible things becoming reality. Just like now. I'm sitting in a Buddhist style, with my left eye closed, while my right one scans the room, where about twenty people sit like me, meditating. And I mean really meditating.

I glance to my right and I see _him_ meditating too. The peace in his face is something so…unknown to me. With his eyes closed, I can't help but to admire his features. If you didn't look closely at his face, you'd think he's a woman. I don't mean it as an offense but, seriously, not every man has a face so creamy soft as his, or a perfect shaped nose. His lips hold a soft smile as he meditates quietly.

I wish I could feel what he's feeling.

He's a complete mystery. But he was sweet to give me the snow globe.

Now that I think about it, how did he manage to find something like that in the middle of Nagoya? And with Florence in it? I mean…it wouldn't be strange if he gave me one of Kyoto or something, but Florence?

So strange...

Oh, class is over! And I did everything but meditating. Ah well...

Oh my…

Cramp time! Ouch!

Slowly as a snail, I unfold my poor legs, trying to bring them to life. Not an easy task since I can't feel them.

He, though, stands up as easily as an athlete.

We leave the building and head back to the river after I regain enough strength in my legs to walk at least two steps.

"So, did you like it?" He asks me gently.

I hesitate in my answer. "Well…it's nice." _You're the worst actress Kamiya._

"You're a terrible liar." He says, chuckling. _See? Even he agrees!_

I grimace slightly at him. "Sorry. I didn't want to be rude. It's just…I don't think I was made to meditate."

He laughs softly. "I also had cramps the first time I meditated, you know? Actually, I couldn't get up from my sitting position for fifteen minutes."

"Really? Oh that's great!" I stop. "I mean, not great for you, but at least I know I'm not the only one suffering from it."

He chuckles. "You're not." He pauses for a second. "Do you want to have a cup of coffee or something? I'll pay, of course."

"Oh no, you don't have to. I'm not hungry." I reply, shaking my head. Not that I don't want to eat but…I still don't know him that well.

I don't know him at _all_.

But, life decides to humiliate me, so my sweet, empty stomach choses to roar precisely in that moment. He titles his head to the side, giving me an amused grin.

I blush. "I guess I am a little hungry." _I won't feed you for a week, you betraying stomach._

He smiles and points me to his right. "Come on then. You may eat whatever you like. And I guarantee they have the best quality food around town."

"How do you know so much?"

He stops. "What do you mean?"

I shrug. "I mean…you talk wisely; you walk wisely. Everything about you holds so much…strength and logic and confidence. Your thoughts on things are unique and, somehow, they make more sense than when explained by others. You know the best places around the city; you even know where they sell snow globes with Florence in it!" I exclaim at him. "By the way, how did you find that in the middle of Nagoya?"

"Luck."

I stare at him in disbelief. "Luck? You just walk into a shop and there it was! A Florence snow globe standing in front of you?"

He chuckles loudly and shakes his head. "No. Actually, I know an old lady who's been selling snow globes her entire life. Her shop is where I told to wait for me."

"What if I picked a city she didn't have?"

He shurgs. "I wouldn't buy you any."

"That simple, huh?"

"Life's simple. We're the ones complicating everything."

I sigh. "There you go with your wisdom..."

Grinning, he resumes his walk, a comfortable silence falling between us. I keep having this feeling like we're long lost friends reunited once again. It's so easy to talk and laugh with him. Even though we don't know each toher, he listens to me and tries his best to please me, who knows why. But even if I still don't know his reason for sticking up with me, I am thankful. I think I finally found someone who truly understands me.

"We're here." His soft voice breaks my thoughts. Blinking, I follow him inside the petit shop. It is a small coffee shop, all built in light wood, with brown tables and matching chairs. There are not many clients in it and I find it incredibly blessing. I hate those places where you have to scream in order for the other person to listen to you. Plus, the waitress writes your order all wrong and, just like that, you have your meal ruined.

We sit at a table close to the corner of the shop, near the window. I glance at the street and admire life passing by. Cars drive in front of the shop, carrying lives I don't know and never will meet. People who live their lives fully, or not; enjoying it, or not. Happy at the moment, sad at the moment; there're lives starting right now as there're ending. That single thought makes me feel so small in the middle of all this. There are billions of people living on this planet and yet, only a few are world wide known and have the guarantee they'll be remembered in the future.

Who'll remember me after I'm gone?

My friends will; their sons and grand-sons perhaps but, after that, I'll be forgotten. I won't be anything but a single dot in the universe, that once lived, cried, laughed, and then disappeared.

Should we all try to be famous?

Or is that just plain stupid?

I sigh inaudibly. Shaking my head slightly, I turn my attention to the man in front of me. He has taken off his jacket, causally placing it at the back of his chair. He's scanning the place, apparently looking for someone. A gentle smile displays at his lips and I wonder if he's married.

Well, not necessarily married but…emotionally involved with a woman.

Why am I even pondering over this? I _am_ engaged so it doen't matter if he is single or not. Oh no...am _I_ flirting with him? Could he be thinking that?

My brow rises as I silently muse about the matter.

"Is something wrong?"

"Are you married?"

…

_You're an idiot Kaoru._

"No." He answers my terrible and so unpolite question, chuckling at me. "I'm single. Don't worry. And," He pauses, rising his finger to call the waitress. "I don't want anything from you but your smile."

I smile lightly at him.

"And a real one. Not those you hide yourself behind." He points out.

Yep, he's definitely the only one understanding me.

"Good Afternoon. May I take your order?" The female waitress asks politely.

He orders two green teas, bread-toast and some honey muffins. "Is that okay with you?" He asks me, before completing the order. I nod, and the waitress leaves in a quick pace.

"Did you want to order something else? Or maybe you'd rather go to a restaurant. It's already lunch time. Maa, I'm so thoughtless." He replies, shaking his head, disapproving himself.

I smile at him. "Not at all. I'm not a lunch person. I usually eat something at a nearby coffee shop, or pack a sandwich from home. I don't like to work with a full stomach. Makes me sleepy and I can't focus at all."

He nods. "I agree with that. That's why I brought you here and not to a restaurant."

"See? I told you seem to know everything."

"Maa, I'm just a terrible observer." He replies.

Our food arrives fifteen minutes later and we eat it delightfully. He's right. The food is great, and so is the service. It's funny how life is unpredictable. You wake up in the morning, thinking you have your day planned. But then, seconds later, the so well planned day becomes something you've never imagined.

Like having lunch with someone you don't even know.

Well, maybe my case is a little…drastic but still, I didn't imagine this was going to happen when I first woke up this morning. I thought I was going to have the same routine I always have.

Don't we all live in routines?

Unconsciously, we humans create routines that, most of times, we don't even like, just to spend the rest of our lives trying to break the routine you yourself created! We're so complicated…no wonder aliens come study us once in a while.

But today, I'm not living a routine.

For the first time in many, many years, I'm able to feel a small amount of…

Freedom.

Even if it's just a little, it's the best feeling I've felt in a while. I now realize I don't need to run away from the country just to escape from the things I can't stand anymore. All I have to do is call a day off and just…breathe. Destiny will take care of the rest.

Yes, I believe in Destiny.

It's the only thing I truly believe.

And truly fear.

Fear of not knowing my destiny. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the moment I'll stop breathing and just…be…forgotten.

Oh please…

Will you thoughts ever go away? Someone...distract me from myself...

"Do you like the food?"

_Thank you savior._

I nod at him. "Very much. You were right about the food being great. It's really delicious."

"I'm glad you like it."

"I'm sorry if I got quiet all of a sudden. I just…have too much on my mind. I'm sorry if I was rude. I really am enjoying your company."

He smiles. "Don't. We all have our problems. I'm no different."

"But you look so peaceful all the time..."

He looks at me softly. "I'll help you find this peace."

Slowly, I feel my lips twirling up. Without a word, we resume our eating.

He may be a stranger, but he reads me like an open book.

* * *

To be continued…

A/N: After re-editing this chapter, I realized I was really corny at some points…man…I even got sick while reading some lines…

Well, all that is gone now!

Read and Review!

Hugs and Kisses.

Nes.


	5. Lecture

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

A/N: Nothing really…just hello to everyone and good reading!

Re-edited!

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Four: Lecture**

Entering my apartment, I close the door behind me and sit on the couch. The house is silent, which means Enishi is still who knows where, doing who knows what. Opening my bag, I take out my precious snow globe, placing it on top of the marble table set in front of the couch. As the snow slowly falls down the little city, I let my eyes close, remembering the entire day.

For the first time in many years, I'm…overwhelmed.

This man, who knows me from nowhere and has no obligations towards me what so ever, spent his entire day trying to give me some peace. And he did. When we said goodbye at the park, I found myself truly smiling at him, waving goodbye, not knowing when or if we'll be meeting again but hoping we will.

I open my eyes and sigh. Looking to my right, I grab the phone, and dial the answer machine. "Let's see who worries about me…" I say, chuckling to myself.

_"Hello, you've reach Kaoru and Enishi's house. We're not here at the moment so just leave a message and one of us will call you later!"_

My face cringes. I must change this message. So corny…

_"You have twenty-one new messages."_

My brows shot up. Twenty-one?

_"First message."_

_"Hey Kaoru, it's Kari. Where are you? It's 10.30 am already and we can't reach you anywhere. Left the cell back at home? Well, anyway, call us, okay? Ja."_

_"End of message."_

I smile sympathetically. They must have freaked out…I should've said something…

_"Second message."_

_"Girl, where are you? I've called you ten times to your cell and you don't pick it up! Are you taking a bath or something? Call me, okay? Don't worry me like this!"_

_"End of message."_

Ten times? I'm afraid to see how many lost calls I have on my cell. Misao always overreacts.

_"Third message."_

_"Kaoru? Are you there? Why didn't you go to work? Kari called asking if you were with me! Where are you? Answer the phone!"_

_"Seventh message."_

_"Hello? Hello? Hello?"_

_"Fifteenth message."_

_"I'm really freaking out right now, okay? CALL ME, TANUKI!"_

I glare at the phone.

_"Nineteenth message."_

_"That's it! I'm coming over!"_

My eyebrow arches.

_"Twenty-first message."_

_"One of your neighbors said you left home early. OH MY GOD, WERE YOU KIDNAPPED? I'M CALLING THE POLICE!"_

_"End of message. You have no more messages."_

The house stays silent after the machine's beep sounded through it. What a mess... And to think I only took a day off! I better call her to make sure she didn't call the police. I don't want them barging into my house, breaking my door in the process.

I dial her number. It rings once and then-

"Kaoru!"

"Hai Misao, it's me-"

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU? I'VE SEARCHED THE ENTIRE CITY AND I FOUND YOU NOWHERE! DO YOU REALIZE HOW WORRIED I WAS? DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!"

"I'm sorry Misao-chan. I was on my way to work when I decided I should take a day off…" I tell her, trailing off…should I talk about the stranger? And what do I say, anyway? I don't even know his name...

She pauses on the other side. "You decided to take a day off? Just like that?" She's suspicious. Damn.

"Yeah. Why? Is something wrong with that?" When I don't do anything to relax, it's because I don't; when I do, it's because I do…can't she decide?

"It's not something you would do just like that. And without warn anyone." She pauses. "You spent the day with someone, didn't you?"

Oh man…"No…" I answer slowly. Damn it, I can't lie. Even the stranger knows that.

"Oh my God. You did! Who's he?" She asks excitedly, forgetting she was angry just a second ago.

"How do you…Why do you think it's a _he_?"

She states the obvious. "I don't think you would spend your entire day with a woman without further noticing ME. Plus, I know all of your friends and you were with none of them. I called them all. So, who's he? Tell me everything!"

And to think I have a boyfriend. Then again, she doesn't like him at all so…that explains her excitement. "I don't know who he is."

Silence greets me from the other side of the line. This is not good.

"You don't know?" She asks blankly. I can almost see her blinking.

"No."

"You don't know or you don't wanna tell me?"

I sigh. "I really don't know."

"So you're telling me you spent your entire day with a stranger?"

"Yes, I am."

"Are you INSANE?" She asks, raising her voice. Aa, I was expecting this.

"I don't know. Keiko-san is trying to figure that one out for me."

She ignores my sarcasm. "How can you spend your entire day with a person you've never seen in your life? Do you know the danger you've put yourself into? I mean, he could have done ANYTHING to you! God, what were you thinking?"

Hum...I wasn't?

"I wasn't thinking, okay? I met him two days ago, after I left your office. I went to Yamazaki-Gawa and he was there, and he comforted me. He gave me his handkerchief because he saw me crying and then just disappeared! When I woke up this morning, I didn't feel like bringing my cell with me, because I read something about brain tumor and stuff, so I decided to leave it at home. I was at the park when I met him again and things just happened. He didn't seem dangerous and he actually isn't! I had the nicest time of my life and I don't want you or anyone to lecture me about it!" I ended my speech, breathing in deeply.

Misao is quiet on the other side. I don't say anything, waiting for her to start talking once again. "I'm sorry Kaoru. I didn't want to lecture you. I'm so happy to hear you say you had the time of your life. I actually never thought I'd hear that one day."

"It's okay. I'm sorry for snapping at you."

"No problem. So…" She pauses again. "Is he cute?"

I blush. "Misao!" Trust her to focus on _that_ matter.

"Oh come on, Kaoru-chan. I highly doubt you'd spend your day with a bad looking guy. I mean, just take a look at your boyfriend and you'll get what I mean." She's so mischievous.

"It's nothing like…he's not…he is but…it has nothing to do with beauty! He's incredibly nice and polite. Never once he failed to respect me. You know what he said? That he only wanted to give me peace." I tell her, recalling in my brain every single word coming out of his mouth.

So much for keeping him as a secret.

Sigh.

"He does sound like a prince charming…" I hear her whispering.

Chuckling softly, I have to agree with her on that one. "Yeah…"

"Well, I'm glad you're okay. When I called the police, they said you had to be missing for 48 hours before I could report you in."

My eyes widen. "I can't believe you actually called them!" I say, laughing.

"Why of course! Anything could've happened to you!"

"I'm glad you're concerned for my well-being."

"Of course I am! That's why I called everywhere. But now I know the reason and it's pleasanter than I first thought." She says; her tone provoking.

I roll my eyes. "Stop it. Don't even start, okay? I have a boyfriend in case you don't remember."

"Whatever. I've got to go. Talk to you soon, ne? Or are you planning to go out tomorrow as well?" She asks, mockingly. Vicious woman.

"No, I'm not. Talk to you later. Bye Misao-chan!"

"Ja mata Kaoru-chan!"

The dial is over and I place the phone back in its place. Shaking my head, I head to my room. Grabbing the book I'm currently reading, laying at my bed-side-table, I sit on the comfy bed, leaning back against the pillows, opening the pages to my world of fantasy.

Hours must've passed until I hear the front door open and close. Not bothering to take my eyes from the reading, I wait for Enishi to come to the room, as he always does when he gets home. Soon enough, he enters and I hear him sighing heavily.

"Where the hell were you?"

I blink, raising my eyes from the book, only to find him glaring at me. I arch an eyebrow. "What?"

He drops his back-pack on the floor carelessly and repeats the question. I title my head to the side. "Why are you glaring at me?" Is he drunk?

"Answer my question, Kaoru. Where were you today?"

I snort. "Since when do you care?"

"What are you talking about?"

I close the book and straight myself. "You've never cared where I was or what I was doing before! Why the sudden change, Enishi?"

"Of course I cared!"

"Oh please! You never call me during the day, and when you do, it's only to warn me you're not having dinner. Since when is that caring?" I feel my voice rise a bit, but I can't help it. He's acting like an idiot.

"At least I tell you I'm not coming! You didn't even bother to tell anyone what you're doing or where you were going! Misao called me asking if I knew where you were and-"

I interrupt his speech. "Aa, Misao called you! That explains your sudden interest. Hadn't she call you, you wouldn't even know I've spent the entire day out!"

"That's not the point!"

"What is the point then? What is wrong with you, people? I took a day off and I will do it again when I feel like doing it! And you have no right to come in here, glaring at me for what I've done, since you never gave a damn about it, because you can't occupy your so busy brain thinking about your girlfriend for a second!" I say, yelling at him the last words.

Not wanting to look at his face, I brush past him and head towards the living room, sitting on the couch. My infuriated eyes settle on the small snow globe before me and I reach out, grabbing it. Shaking it softly, I let my mind pretend I'm not in Japan but in Florence, walking along those streets, away from everything and everyone back here at Japan.

How I wish it was true.

I listen to Enishi's heavy footsteps coming into the living room until they stop beside me. I don't bother to acknowledge his presence. I'm tired of lectures.

"I'm sorry."

I look up at him, slightly in chock. This definitely brought up my attention. Enishi is saying he's _sorry_?

He's staring at me tenderly, in a way I haven't seen in a while. Touching my cheek softly, he sighs. "I didn't know you felt that way. Why didn't you tell me?" He asks, sitting next to me.

I can't help myself but to lean against his touch. I really miss him. "You're always so busy with photo-shootings and important things…I don't want to bother you." I answer quietly, lowering my head.

He lifts my chin and places a soft kiss at my lips. "You never bother me, _koishii_. I love you. I'm sorry for being too distracted sometimes. I promise I'll pay more attention from now on."

I sigh.

"Did you buy that?"

I look at the object of his question and think for a second. "Yes." I think Enishi is the only person who doesn't get when I'm lying. Even though I hate to do it, especially to him, I can't just tell him it was the stranger who bought it for me. He'd have a fit. And we're so peaceful right now. Better not ruin it.

"It's beautiful." He replies, before taking the small globe from my hands, placing it back at the table.

Stretching at the couch, he pulls me to him and lays me on top of his hard, muscular body. I place my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat.

"I love you." He whispers softly, playing with my hair.

I nod.

"I love you too, Enishi."

* * *

To be continued…

A/N: Yay, another one re-edited!

Koishii : beloved, dear, wanted, darling

Ja mata : see you later

That's all folks!

Nes

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	6. Meet Again

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

A/N: I love this chapter...Re-edited!

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Five: Meet again**

"Love, could you drop by the Medical Center and bring me the prescription for my medicine?"

A paper is placed in front of me. I look up at Enishi, still chewing on my cereals. "The one for your blood pressure?" I ask, swallowing the food.

"Yeah. I've run out of them and you know I can't live without them." He answers quietly, dressing his favorite black coat.

I nod, knowing how unfortunately true that is. Enishi was born with high blood pressure, being addicted to a medicine in order to live. "Of course. I'll drop by on my lunch hour. Do you need them signed by a specific doctor?"

"No, it just needs to be signed."

"Okay, don't worry. Have a nice day." I tell him, receiving a sweet kiss on my forehead.

"I'll call you on my lunch time, okay? I love ya!" He says, closing the door.

I finish my breakfast, placing the dishes inside the wash-basin. Grabbing my black brief-case, I leave the apartment.

Today is not as sunny as it should be. Some grey clouds can be seen hanging around in the light blue sky and I hope it won't rain. I didn't bring an umbrella.

How can the weather change drastically in just a few seconds? One second there's sun and the sky is clear; a second later we have wind and clouds above our head. What a strange phenomenon. And we humans still believe we can control it. Yeah right...

Thirty minutes later I enter my work's building, sighing heavily. Honestly, why are people so rude when they're in a rush? I must've been bumped and pushed over more than ten times! And no one even glanced back at me to apology. Geesh, what stress can do to a person. The elevator stops at the fifth floor and I step out, straightening my suitcase.

"Oh, good morning Kaoru-san! I'm glad you came today. Yesterday we had to lunch with Leiko-san and it wasn't pleasant at all. Trust me." Kari greets me instantly, starting to update everything that I missed. I cannot say I'm not glad when I'm around them. And I guess I'm sort of selfish when I say that I'm alone, or that I don't have any friends. My partners at work worry about me, whatever the situation may be.

She asks me what happened yesterday and I prefer not to tell her the truth, once again. I think I don't mind it anymore. If you look closely, you'll realize I've been lying my whole life to my friends, to my shrink, to my boyfriend…even to myself. I guess I'm living in a lie.

I am a lie.

Shrugging that thought aside, I sit on my desk and fold my sleeves. Work is calling and I better answer it fast, or I'll get fired.

Morning goes by fast and sooner than I expect, I'm leaving the building for my lunch hour.

The weather is still cloudy, causing my mood to drop down a few points. I've never understood how can anyone be happy and singing, when it's a rainy windy day. Honestly, 'Singing in the Rain' it's beyond my comprehension.

The Medical Center is about ten minutes from my work place and, since I'm not in the mood to be soaked up in case it starts raining, I head to the bus stop near the building. Streets are crowded both by cars and people walking fast, crossing the street, not bothering to check if there's a car coming.

Stress yet again.

The bus arrives, opening its dirty doors. It's not worth to take a seat since I'm getting out already. Checking the needed documents for Enishi's medicine, I close the purse and glance around. People of all kinds are inside this bus. Old people, young people, babies; good looking people, bad looking ones; all types of human being can be seen in a bus ride.

I grab the string suspended above my head and think for a second about how many different people have touched this same string, which is never cleaned. A fat not at all good looking guy next to me coughs and I cringe mentally. I don't want to sound snob or anything, but really, I am picky when it comes to health, for obvious reasons. To think that so many bacteria can be floating in the same air I'm breathing in right now…it's enough to make me start sweating.

Thanks to Who-Ever-Is-Out-There, the bus stops and I step out of it quickly, letting go a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Breathing in deeply, the pleasure of fresh air filling my lungs is unexplainable. Checking my wrist clock, I grin. I still have almost two hours before returning to my work. Stepping into the Medical Center, the traditional smell of medicine assaults my nostrils, reminding me of my younger years, when I would rush into the emergencies with a panick attack.

Lots of children are sitting on their parent's laps, waiting for their turn. Some are coughing, while others are visibly with a high fever, and I wonder how they don't end up with several more diseases instead of just one, as a small boy coughs loudly to his side, where a young girl is waiting for her turn. Glancing around the room, I notice three doors leading to who knows where. I've never been here to grab a prescription. Usually Misao writes mine, but I didn't bother to call her, asking if she could do this for me.

She wouldn't.

So I head to the counter and stop in front of the receptionist, who is talking, rather loudly, on the phone, obviously giving some instructions but with a severe lack of education. I snort inwardly. A living example of someone who doesn't like her job. She drops the phone and looks up to me arrogantly.

"Yes, may I help you?" Her tone is slightly nasalized, making her even more cynical.

"I need a prescription for a medicine and I don't know where to-"

"The door to my right." She answers shortly, glancing over my shoulder. "Next."

I blink, heading to the indicated door. I have to actually _enter_ and wander around? What kind of receptionist is this? I push the door open and breathe shortly. Doctors walk in and out of rooms, calling nurses and making requests to other doctors passing by. The corridor is white, just as the doors, the building, the doctors, the nurses and the patient's faces.

What should I do?

I need a doctor to sign the paper and yet neither of them seems to have a 'stop' button! Should I just grab the sleeves of one of them? Barge into a room demanding to be assisted? Return to the main room and scold the young lady? Maybe a nurse could help me…

Opening my bag, I start looking for the small paper with the medicine name, creasing my brows when it doesn't show up. I know I threw it in when I was leaving home this morning...Where is the damn thing?

Aha!

Just when I finally find the small piece of paper, someone bumps into my right shoulder, making me drop all my things and stumble back a little.

"Oh I'm so sorry!"

"I'm sorry!"

Blinking shortly at the echo, I glance up at the suddenly familiar voice.

My jaw opens at the sight in front of me. The one bumping into me is the one I've been unconsciously longing to see once again. My mysterious stranger stands in front of me, with a faint blush across his cheeks, dressed in a white overall. He smiles sweetly, before bending to grab the paper. I shake my head slightly, before bending also, gathering my belongings.

We stand up and stare at each other.

"It's good to see you again." He says softly.

I nod absently, before registering his dressing in my mind. "You're a doctor?" I ask him, a little incredulously.

He chuckles, nodding. "I'm quite surprised to see you here. Are you ill?"

I shake my head. "No, thank you for asking. I need a prescription for a medicine, but the lady outside wasn't able to help that much." I tell him, making a face.

"Aa, yes, she isn't as nice as we wanted to." He chuckles. "You want me to call your doctor?"

"Oh no, I don't need a specific doctor. It just needs to be signed." Enishi's words.

He nods. "Well then, if anyone can sign it, follow me." He says, walking to his office, with me trailing beside. "Do you have the name of the medicine?"

"Yes, it's right here." I show him the paper, the one responsible of our collision.

I love this paper. I'm going to hang it on a wall.

_Wait, you're what?_

What are you thinking, baka Kaoru? He's a stranger.

A good looking, sweet, polite, _doctor_, who just wants to make me happy and at peace.

A stranger no less._ And_ you have Enishi...

"Ano…"

I blink. "I'm sorry, what?"

You think too much, Kamiya.

He mentions the paper in my hand. "The name of the medicine." He says, grinning slightly.

Blushing, I hand him the now wrinkled paper. He takes it, reading quickly, before creasing his eyebrows.

"This is a strong medicine. Are you acquainted with it?"

"Oh it's not for me. It's for my boyfriend." I pause. "He was born with high blood pressure and takes that medicine since he was a kid to stabilize his blood state." Why am I telling him this? He obviously knows that...he's a _doctor_.

He nods, opening a drawer in the middle of his white desk.

Why is it all white? I think it adds depression to a place like this. People are already ill when they get here and all they can see is white! They might think they're already dead! Then again, I am a designer so… coloring is part of my system.

"His name, please."

"Yukishiro Enishi."

He stops writing for a second, before resuming his work. Silence fills the room, making me fell a little awkward. No one would say we've spent an entire day together only yesterday…

Looking at him causally, I try to initiate some sort of conversation. "So…who would say you're a doctor!"

"Why is that?" He asks interestedly, still finishing the prescription.

_Why indeed?_

Let's see… "Well…you seem to have so much free time to enjoy what life has to offer. Doctors usually have such crazy schedules…" Lame...lame excuse.

"Aa, I guess you can say I'm a lucky guy."

I arch an eyebrow, looking at him dubiously.

He laughs, raising his hands in a surrender way. "Maa maa, I can't pretend with you anymore." He says, smiling. "I only work in this Medical Center, with rotating schedules, so I always have free time to enjoy."

"Oh, so you don't work at the Hospital?" Why am I stating the obvious?

He shakes his head. "No. I don't have the crazy schedules you were talking about. That's how I end up having so much free time. No emergencies, no night shifts; just some minor infections, checking the patient's machines and medicines, signing prescriptions…" He tells me, grinning.

Handing me the paper, I chuckle. "You do the work of a nurse." My eyes scan the paper, before landing at the signature. "Thank you so much for your help, Dr…Himura Kenshin." I read the name slowly, savoring the sound passing through my lips. I look up at him quickly, before extending my hand to him.

"Watashi wa Kamiya Kaoru desu."

"Aa, hajimemashite Kamiya-san."

He closes his hand in mine and a jolt of electricity reaches my spine, making me shiver inwardly. Our hands shake slowly, as he holds my eyes with his, in an intense gaze. "I think this is how we should've started." A faint blush adorns his face, making the ends of my mouth rise slowly. I chuckle, nodding at him.

"Yes, I think so too."

No words need to be spoken right now. We're holding each other's hands, creating an invisible strong bound between us, probably evil in the eyes of strangers, but as right as it could be in ours.

I think learning he is a doctor adds more mystery to the man in front of me. Kenshin. He's not too young, yet not too old either, but there are lines in his face, clearly caused by something I cannot place.

Stress?

Tiredness?

Grieve?

His eyes hold knowledge, experience, yet I can't read his emotions as clearly as he can read mine. He seems to be shielding himself from the world. He said he was once as lost as I am now. Am I really that easy to read? Even though he says he's no longer lost, there's still something in him...something sad. Even though his eyes seem strong like wood, sometimes you can see them trembling slightly, as if the pain inside is greater than his strength to fight it.

Who are you, Himura Kenshin?

Dropping our hands, I guard the paper inside my purse and look up at him. He smiles shortly and silence takes over the room once again.

What am I still doing here?

Blinking, I rise from the chair. "Well, I don't want to bother you anymore so…thank you for signing it."

"No problem. I _am_ a doctor after all." He says, also rising from his chair, accompanying me to the door.

This meeting was filled with silent awkward moments. Something that never happened before.

We've seemed to become real strangers now that we know our names.

Sad…

I step out of the office, turning to thank him. "Well, I'll be going then."

He nods. We shake hands once again, then I break the contact and turn to leave. Just as I reach the doors, he calls me. I glance behind, waiting for him to continue.

"A-ano, do you have some time today? I'd like to show you something…"

I arch an eyebrow. "Another meditation class?"

He gives a watery laugh, shaking his head. "Not at all, I promise. Maybe after your work?"

"Sure. Around five-thirty, is that okay with you?"

"It's perfect. I'll meet you in the park, then."

I nod, pushing the doors open. Passing by the receptionist, I notice she's once again talking annoyingly to the phone. Smirking, I leave the building, recalling what just happened.

Hadn't the receptionist been rude and leaving me on my own, I would've never ventured inside the clinic and we wouldn't have collided. Maybe we would never see each other again. All happened because we were in a hurry and distracted.

Yep…stress does a lot to a person.

* * *

To Be Continued…

A/N: Ahh, cute ^.^

**Vocabulary:**

Watashi wa Kamiya Kaoru desu – I am Kamiya Kaoru.

Aa, hajimemashite Kamiya-san – Yes, it's nice to meet you.

As always, read and review!

Nes.


	7. Watching from afar

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Six: Watching from afar**

My feet tap on the rocky path that follows the river length through the park. The weather isn't as cloudy as before and I'm glad for it. It seems that this park holds something I cannot place, but whenever I'm here, everything around seems simpler than it previously was. My wrist clock marks five thirty exactly and I glance around to check if he is coming.

Kenshin.

I can call him by his name now. Himura Kenshin.

Doctor Himura Kenshin.

I still can't picture him being a doctor. Seriously, looking back to the day we spent together and to the person I met hours ago, I can't find any resemble. He was acting strangely around me. Sure, we don't know each other, but after spending an entire, rather great day, together, one would expect a little more at ease around us. Yet, we were almost afraid to look at one another!

Enishi didn't call me on my lunch hour. Neither did he call on his. I guess he must have been working so hard he forgot his promise. Ah well, one can only hope for a day when those promises will become true. I know he doesn't do it on purpose. I can even understand the pressure his work requires. Always dressing, posing, undressing; photo shoots here, photo shoots there; he isn't able to stop for a second before they call it a day. Sometimes he doesn't even eat for the entire day!

A quarter to six.

Maybe he had an emergency and wasn't able to come? He doesn't have any way to contact me even if he wanted to warn me…Then again, it's only been fifteen minutes past the hour we set. Anyone has the right to be late… But sometimes being late can change the course of your life. One can be killed for being a second later, and one can be saved for being the same second later. We never know what's going to happen. If we knew, than maybe we wouldn't live so much under stress and hurries.

Most people live their lives without glancing to the side, to admire a blooming tree, or the bright blue sky above their heads. Too much focused with work, problems and schedules; not realizing that the most important thing to be watched closely is passing in front of them, without the least of attention.

Life.

I myself don't admire life in everything I do or every step I take. Sometimes I'm too absorbed with designing clothes, and most of times I'm too absorbed thinking in diseases. I think I'm starting to understand why Kenshin-san meditates once in a while. Being able to straight things out and organize our priorities in life; being able to cast aside our problems, focusing only in what life has best; is to live fully. Something I don't know what it is…

"Kaoru-san?"

Snapping out of my stupor, I look up to see my mysterious man smiling apologetically at me. "Gomen nasai for my delay. I needed to do something before coming to meet you." He tells me in a soft voice, asking a silent permission to sit next to me. I nod and he sits tiredly.

"Had a long day?" I ask sympathetically, noticing for the first time an average package laying next to him.

He sighs, leaning casually against the bench. "Yes. And to think I only worked until two o'clock in the afternoon!"

I chuckle softly. I can only imagine what it feels to be a doctor. I couldn't imagine myself being a doctor. Not only for all the sick people coming to my office, but because I'd end up putting more diseases on the patients that they actually had. I can't picture a doctor being hypochondriac. It just doesn't mix.

"How was your day?" He asks quietly, glancing at me.

He doesn't even know what I do for a living. Shrugging, I answer him. "It was okay. As usual."

"What do you do, if I may ask?"

"I'm a stylist."

"Aa, a woman of ideas." He tells me, grinning slightly.

I give a watery laugh. "I think that's more of a politician!"

He chuckles. "But at least your ideas do come true, ne?"

"Yes. Or at least I try to." I tell him honestly. It seems we've come back to normal. We're having these strange conversations again. Maybe he acted the way he did at the hospital due to being under stress or something alike. Not that I acted any different. I guess it was the shock of meeting him there of all places…

A comfortable silence sets between us, and I don't mind it at all. I've read somewhere that silence is the purest way to communicate. I guess they were right, whoever discovered that. A simple gesture is worth a thousand words. A genuine glance tells you more than a complex phrase. I sigh inaudibly.

Here I am with my musings again. And I tend to do it every time he's standing right beside me. I glance at him quickly. His eyes are closed, with his head lightly turned upward to the sky. There are so many questions I would like to ask him. Starting from why did he act the way he did that first day in this same park. What happened in the past to make him say he was once as lost as I am now? How did he become a doctor? Why doesn't he work at the hospital? Anyway…

"Have you noticed that, every time we meet, it's always at this same bench in this same park?" His soft voice sounds through the magical silence of Nature.

I smile softly. "It's our place." The words come out of my mouth slowly, as I realize what I just said. I glance at him, blushing from neck to forehead. "I-I mean, it's not that—"

He laughs. "I know what you mean. I feel the same way…" He says, trailing off.

Do you really? "Am I that good company?" I ask, uncertain.

Glancing up at me, he answers me seriously. "Why do you doubt?"

Blinking, I shrug quickly, glancing to the river. "I don't know. Ever since the first day we met, you've always acted this way towards me…"

"Does it bother you?"

I turn to him quickly. "No! Not at all! I just find it…strange…how do you always seem to be there whenever I-" I stop myself from finishing the sentence. I can't say I'm always yearning for him whenever he, oh so coincidently, appears.

"Whenever you need me?"

I peer at him from the corner of my eyes, but stay silent.

He smiles his sweet smile at me. "I did promise that, didn't I?"

Turning my head fully to him, I feel my lips turning upwards. "Indeed, you said so."

"Aa, well then! There's nothing to be wondering about, ne?" I nod at him. "Oh, which reminds me, I was late because of this." He says, handing me the package I spotted a while ago. Of course I guessed it was for me, but still, I look at the gift with innocent eyes, glancing at him curiously, as if I hadn't realized he was holding a medium size package before. It's not polite to show you aren't surprised with a surprise.

Arching an eyebrow, I grab it from him, tiling my head to the side. "What are you planning this time, Kenshin-san? Florence yet again?" I ask him sarcastically.

He chuckles, shaking his head. "No, it's something much better."

This time, both of my brows rise at his words. Not waiting any longer, my hands unwraps the package slowly. My eyes widen at what lies within. My jaw opens as I feel my breath being taken away. Indeed something much better. But not what I was expecting to be. No sound can be provided as I keep staring at the gift laying on my knees.

A portrait of me. Signed by Himura Kenshin.

"This…"

"Is you." He answers my silent question.

"How?" I ask, barely in a whisper.

"That day, at the park."

I look up at him, waiting for his explanation.

"I was watching from afar, drawing you, when I noticed my model was crying. That's when I came over you and offered my handkerchief. I was drawing your profile while you were gazing nostalgically at the river. You crying was not include in my vision." He finishes softly.

I look at my portrait again, sighing softly. "It's so beautiful."

"It's all due to the model."

I feel myself blushing, noticing how bold he is now, compared to a few hours ago. "Yes, but I have to hand it to you. I can hardly see myself in this portrait! This young woman is so much beautiful. So much…at peace."

Yep, that's not me at all.

"Maybe I portrayed what you were gazing at."

"But I wasn't gazing at nothing in particular."

"Oh, but you were. You were gazing at something that made you look like that. Peaceful. And that's exactly the moment I draw you." He pauses. "I hope you don't mind me drawing you without permission."

I shake my head, looking at him. "Of course not. No one has ever done something like this to me." I smile. "Then again, you tend to do different things, ne?"

He smiles at me, nodding slightly. "I guess I can't help it."

I gaze at myself in the portrait, feeling as if I'm staring at another person. The woman I see in front of me is gazing at somewhere with her eyes soft, and a small smile playing at her lips. Some strands of hair can be seen flying around her face, giving the sensation of movement to something that has stopped in time. I wish I could have stopped in time. Not the time at the portrait, but the time I was remembering when this portrait was drawn.

I blink suddenly, realizing something. Glancing up at him, I look into his amethyst eyes that seem to hold as much mystery as compassion. "You made it stop."

He tiles his head to the side, furrowing his brows in confusion. "Stop what?"

"You made the time stop." I pause slightly. "Thank you so much for this." I look at him, bowing in my deepest thanks. I don't think he realizes how important this portrait is for me.

His face relaxes, and he nods at me, whispering. "I'm glad you liked it."

I smile sincerely at him. This man tends to make me do that. Smile freely, with no worries, no angst, no problems. Just smile. "So, you're a doctor and a painter!"

"Yes. Strange combination, isn't it?"

"I think is perfect, actually. You have a very stressful profession and finding something that makes you relax and absent yourself from real life is very positive. I wish I could find that for me too!" I tell him honestly. And boy, do I need a hobby…

"You only need to search."

"I don't have much time for that…"

"You shouldn't be that negative, you know?" He tells me, after staring at me intensively for a while.

I blink twice, not expecting this from him _at all._ Negative? "I'm not negative. I'm realistic."

"Reality is what you make. If you want to believe that you have no time to spend for yourself, then it's real. On the other hand, if you believe you have all the time in the world, you'll start noticing that time doesn't rushes by you. You'll be able to stop it." He pauses. "Isn't that what you wish the most?"

I stare at him for a while, not finding the right words to say to him. Yet again, he walks beyond by barriers and reads me like an open book. "I guess I am a bit negative, ne?" I ask quietly.

He nods. "You should try to face the possibility instead of creating immediate obstacles to it." He pauses for a second. "Are you afraid of happiness?"

I look up at him abruptly, my eyes slightly widen. "W-What?"

"I think you're afraid to be happy. That's why you create obstacles to it. You say you want to go to Florence, but you probably never will because you're afraid." He tells me softly. "You're a afraid to live."

My eyes are held in his, and I'm unable to break the gaze. Slowly and softly, I feel my eyes water, little by little. My breath is caught in my chest as my mouth parts slowly. Taking in his words, I feel something falling from my right eye, rolling down my cheek. Touching the moistened place, I realize I'm crying. Reality slaps right into my face and the breath I was holding comes out as a sob. Soon after, another follows, as I feel the tears rolling down my cheek more freely.

I sob pathetically in front of him, until I feel his arms around my shoulders.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you or cause you pain…" He mutters softly.

I continue crying against his shoulder, not finding the strength to stop, and not wanting to.

Sometimes, reality is hard to accept.

* * *

To be continued…

A/N: Aa well, I just thought of finishing the chapter here. (Someone throws a tomato at my head) HEY! Ahem, anyway…I know you all want to see their relationship developing really fast, but don't forget they don't know each other. I mean, who in the world meets someone and is married after a month? This chapter ended a little bit angst, but hey, this is the real life of someone who lives like this. And I guess it mustn't be a fairy tale. I hope you liked this chapter! I am much pleased with it!

**Thanks to the reviewers:**

**Peachie-Chan** : I'm glad you like my story enough to leave a review! Here's the new chapter and I hope you like it! Kisses!

**Chikifriend** : Hey there Chiki-san! Thank you for your comment about last chapter. I do know Japanese don't shake hands, but I found it was better to the story than bows…I hope you forgive me for messing up your culture, ne? In this chapter, Kenshin embraces Kaoru, though it's a friendly embrace, I know it's not usual for strangers to do it. Anyway, he being a doctor…I thought it was perfect for the plot! And since I already know the ending, or at least have an idea, he being a doctor is essential! (Shuts her mouth) Me and my big mouth..hehe…I hope you enjoy this chapter, ne? Ja mata ne Chiki-san! Arigatou for reviewing, ne?

**RogueSummersLover : **Here's the update! I hope you like this chapter! Thanks for reviewing and reading my story! Bye bye!

**crasyducky** : I'm glad you enjoyed last chapter! And that you're not mad for my comment! Microsoft Word is really a pain when he corrects automatically the mistakes…I hope you like this one too! Thanks for reviewing! Bye Bye!

**reader-kikilala : **Hello there! Well, this chapter was a next step for their relationship, even though it won't be easy since, and don't forget, there's Enishi around and, as much as I don't like him, I have to respect his character! STILL, I hope this chapter explains Kaoru's negativism (thank you for your observation…winks). Keep reading and thank you for your wonderful review! Bye bye!

**goldmund** : I am so flattered to read all your reviews! I love the way you express yourself and how you look up closely at some very important details in my story! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. Indeed, when someone is hypochondriac, those unstable thoughts tend to appear wherever they are, at whatever the situation might be. I'm glad to see that people are interested in a story where our heroine has some sort of mental disorder, even though she's not insane or something alike. I'm glad to see people respecting her way of being and trying to understand what's within her. I hope you enjoy this chapter! THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS!

**Reignashii** : Hahaha, no, Kenshin is not Battousai in this fic. I'm glad that you review, even when you're tired that much! (grins) Thank you for your review and I hope you like this chapter! Bye bye!

**animeobsessed3191 : **Thank you for your review! I hope I wasn't too late with my new review! I hope you like this chapter! Keep reading! Bye bye!

And that's all folks! Ja ne! Bye bye! Adeus!

Agnes


	8. Someone from the past

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

A/N: I've corrected some grammar mistakes but other than that, the chapter wasn't altered. Thanks!

_Italics_ – thoughts

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Seven: Someone from the past**

I've stop crying a while ago, but I keep my face against his hard chest. A thousand thoughts cross my mind as I feel his hands caressing my head in a slow motion. Is it possible to love someone who's great, yet find other who is…greater?

What would you do in that situation?

Would you forget the older and give yourself to the new one?

Or would you keep your life the way it was, even though knowing you could have been happier?

I lift my face from his chest, blushing lightly. "Maa look, I've moistened your shirt. Baka Kaoru…" I mutter to myself.

He grins at me. "Don't worry about that. You don't want to know how many moistened things I've had on my shirt during my life."

I chuckle, cleaning the now dried tears on my cheeks. "I can only imagine." I pause for a second, before looking down. "I'm sorry for crying on you like that. I don't remember the last time I've cried…" I confess quietly.

"They say crying cleans your soul." He says simply. "I want to apologise for my eventually rude observation. I didn't want to cause you this sorrow."

"Not at all. You've made me realize something I already knew but didn't admit until now." I tell honestly. "You're right when you say I'm afraid of being happy. I fear to be happy, only to have something happening to tear that happiness apart. So I guess I rather not feel at all." I pause. "I spend my life making plans I'll probably never fulfil." I finish slowly, saying this to him as well to myself.

It's not easy to admit your own faults.

He's silent for a while and I fear I've disappointed him somehow. I know I can be frustrating sometimes, always being so negative about everything. I guess I can't help it. I'm lucky Enishi choose to be with me.

Then again…he doesn't pay much attention to those things.

Kenshin sighs next to me. "Tell me something:"

I turn to him. He's looking at me with an intense gaze.

"If you died tomorrow, would you be in peace with yourself?"

I blink.

Would I be in peace with myself?

"Would you lay down and rest peacefully with the life you've lived so far? Or would you wonder how your life could have been if only you had let yourself be happy?" His voice is soft, but his eyes are extremely serious.

I ponder on what he said for a moment. This man tends to obligate me to think more about myself than I already do. I've never thought of it that way. I fear death; therefore I try my best not to picture me dying…

But…

"I don't know…" I tell him quietly, hesitating on the answer. He's starting to intimidate me.

"I know you don't. As I told you before, I was once as lost as you are now. Just try to find the answer to my question. And when you find it, please, do tell me."

I chuckle. "When will that day be?"

"It's your decision."

"What if I take years?"

"I'll wait forever."

I look up at him sharply. "Forever?" I ask slowly. What is he saying?

"You have all the time in the world to answer me…I'll always be waiting."

He's gazing at me intensively and I can't help but wonder…

"Are you flirting with me?" As soon as the words fall from my lips, I feel my face flush deeply in embarrassment. That wasn't supposed to come out loud!

He gives a watery laugh. "Can't a man be nice to a lady without further intention?" He pauses. "I'm not trying to charm you Kaoru-san. I wouldn't dream of it."

I smirk. "Oh thanks! Now I'm positive I'm not attractive!"

Baka Kaoru.

You're the one flirting with him now!

He shakes his head. "I didn't say that. I wouldn't dream on flirting with you since you already have a boyfriend. And I do not find it honourable to try stealing someone's lover."

I can't help but smile at his words. This man is not real. No one in this world is like him.

"You're perfect."

He chuckles heartily. "No one is. Otherwise, the world wouldn't be funny at all."

"There you go again. Having answers to everything!" I say, pouting slightly.

"You look like a child who was denied a chocolate." He points out at me, grinning.

Laughing, I check my wrist clock and sigh. "It's getting late."

He nods, rising from the bench. "Yes. I have to prepare some papers for tomorrow morning." He pauses. "I'm glad you liked the painting. I hope you can find a little of the peace you're looking whenever you look at the portrait."

I rise from my seat, grabbing the gift with care. "It's very special for me. I'll never forget it. Thank you for this and for spending some time with me." I tell him softly.

We bow and he turns, heading the opposite direction I'm going, I wonder where he lives?

It's about seven o'clock when I arrive home, and Enishi is already there, seated on the couch, watching TV. I close the door behind me, placing the keys on top of the table next to the front door.

"Hey baby! I was wondering where you were." He says quietly, placing a soft kiss on my lips, before returning to the couch. "How was your day?" He asks causally, leaning against the soft pillows.

This is the Enishi I know. The one not caring about what I've been doing the entire day. Sometimes is good, other's bad; I've grown acquainted with his careless personality.

I place the portrait on top of our dining table, before opening my purse, grabbing the responsible for my meeting with Kenshin.

I turn to Enishi, handing him the paper. "Here you go anata. Signed and delivered." He takes it, scanning the contents of the writing, as I sit next to him. "But it wasn't easy to know where to look for a doctor. And you should've seen the receptionist. I wonder how they accepted someone like her to work there. I mean, she wasn't even looking straight at me!"

"Himura Kenshin?" Enishi's voice interrupts my babbler. Looking at him, I nod.

"Yes, why?"

He's staring at the paper with a look I can't really name. "What is it? Is it the wrong one?" I ask him worried. I can't believe I've messed up over something as simple as getting a prescription.

Slowly, he shakes his head, with a small nostalgic smile playing at his lips. "Just someone from the past. Nothing important." He says simply, folding the paper and rising from the sofa, heading to our room.

I sit there, silently replaying what he just told me. They know each other!

Nothing important, he says. What could be more important than this?

"Are you starting dinner?" I hear him asking from the bedroom.

"Yes." After dinner, you'll answer my questions.

Lifting from the couch, I head to the kitchen, wondering what to cook. Honestly, after cooking everyday, you end up not knowing what to cook anymore. Nothing pleases you most and, therefore, you have no particular interest in cooking what so ever. Plus, if you are like me, you'll start finding diseases in every single food around you so…it's kind of hopeless.

If only Enishi would cook…

But he always says something about not having time to learn. If you ask me, I'll tell you he's simply lazy.

"Do you want something in special?"

"No, cook whatever you like!"

Right, thanks for the help…

After ten minutes of deep thinking about the matter, I resume myself with a usual dinner. It's not like I dislike cooking…I'm just tired of being the only one doing it.

But it can be very relaxing, if you look carefully to it. You're left alone with your cooking and maybe, for some people, ends up being quite peaceful.

"Who gave you this?"

Enishi asks from the living room. I furrow my brows. What is he-?

Oh.

I open my mouth to answer but he's faster than me. "Himura Kenshin?"

His heavy footsteps come closer to the kitchen and soon, I can feel his eyes on my back. "Did he draw you while writing my prescription?" He asks sarcastically, making me wince.

Turning to him, I come across with a smirking Enishi. At least he's not jealous. Shaking my head, I explain the situation. "It's nothing like that." I start slowly. "Three days ago, I went to Misao's office to have a check up on me. After leaving the office, I headed to the park near Yamazaki-Gawa and sat on a bench, admiring the place. Apparently, Himura-san was watching me from afar and took the liberty of drawing me." I take a moment to observe his expression.

A curious eyebrow is raised as a playful grin dances at his lips.

"And today, when I entered the Medical Center after a doctor to sign the paper, we accidentally bumped in each other. He ended up signing the prescription." I finish quietly.

He's silent for a while, obviously pondering over my explanation. Then, he speaks. "How did he give you the painting? Is his studio inside his office?"

I blink. Haven't thought of that…I snort at him. "No, it's not, baka Enishi. He…had it in his office."

He tiles his head. "What for?"

Swallowing quickly, I give him an annoyed glare. "How am I supposed to know that?"

Enishi smiles and comes over me, circling his arms around my waist. Glancing down at me, for he is much taller, he winks. "He did a pretty good job. Of course we have the model to thank for that."

I chuckle, poking him at his side, before returning to my cooking.

Enishi heads to the living room, calling soon after. "Where do you want to hang it?"

He's so sweet, isn't he?

Anyone would be jealous of someone drawing your girlfriend, but not Enishi. He knows what he wants and what he has, and there's nothing bothering him any further.

I shrug absently. "Put anywhere you see fit."

"You're not helping at all, you know?" He cries from the living room.

"Well, you didn't help with dinner either." Right back at you.

I hear him laughing. "Okay, you win. Don't complain if you don't like where it is after I hang it."

I smile and shake my head, resuming my work.

Dinner is ready and I place the food on the table. Enishi is already seated, grinning madly at me. Arching an eyebrow, I sit on the chair next to his.

"Why are you grinning like that?"

"Oh nothing." Is the only answer.

I frown. "Tell me."

He chuckles. "You're not wondering where I hanged the painting?"

"In the bathroom?" I ask sarcastically.

Rolling his eyes, he shakes his head. "I'm not that evil."

"Well then, I'll see it after dinner." I answer simply, filling our plates with food.

Handing him his plate, I start my interrogation about him and Kenshin. "So…how do you know Himura-san?" I ask casually, taking a small bite of my dinner.

He chews the food in his mouth painfully slow, making me anxious about his answer. Swallowing, he finally answers. "Long time ago story." Is the answer after such a long wait!

I stare at him. "Thank you. I'm so clarified now."

"He was my friend's boyfriend."

"Really?" I pause. "How long ago was that?"

"We were in high school. She was a hottie, he was a total geek, and they just fell in love, although we never understood why she chose him over all the boys in the school. She was one of those girls that could have anyone, and she ended up choosing him."

"Sounds like a fairy tale." I say softly, admiring the love story between the two of them. But…he said he was single…then?

"What happened to them?"

Enishi shrugs. "I don't know. They dated until the end of high school and I've never seen any of them after that. I do know he was about to propose when the year ended."

My brows rise. "Propose? But they were so young…"

"I know, but some kids tend to do that. Although I can't be precise in what I'm saying. I don't know if they actually got married or not."

I smile. "Were you two friends?"

He snorts. "Not in the beginning. We couldn't even look at one another. But then, we became the best of friends. Real big buddies, you know?" He pauses smiling, with a faraway look. "He used to tell me about his plans with Maiko; that was her name; and I would tell him of my plans on becoming a model. Some great days…" He trails off quietly.

I nod. "It's too bad you lost contact with each other."

"Aa. But life has its own way and it led us on different paths, to different worlds. I went to America, on a scholarship and he remained here in Japan, where he continued studying to become a doctor, which he did." He finishes with a lightly proud on what he was saying.

We stay silent for a moment.

I can't believe they were once best of friends! Of all the people in the world, Kenshin had to be my boyfriend's ex-best friend. Just like he said, life found its way and cross their paths once again.

"It's amazing how life surprises you, ne?" He asks me after a while. "We were separated at such a young age and now, ten years later, we've come across each other once again, at the most casual situation ever!"

Aa, my thoughts exactly.

Dinner is over and I move to clean the kitchen. After everything is done, we watch TV from a while, before calling it a day. I enter my bedroom after dressing my pyjama and lay down next to Enishi. Settling myself, we say goodnight and he turns his back to me.

Just before closing my eyes, I notice something different in the room.

In front of me, is my painting hanged on the wall above my desk.

Smiling at the sight, I turn over to embrace him from behind, feeling him taking my hands in his.

If I was to choose at this moment, I'd choose the older one, even though I could've been happier.

I'd choose Enishi…

* * *

To be continued…

A/N: Ahhhh, don't hurt me! I know this isn't exactly what you want to read but it's the reality. They are involved and they love each other. And, please do notice, this is drama/romance. Life rarely is a fairy tale, ne? So please, be patient.

For those who don't know what is:

Baka: idiot

Anata: beloved

Thanks to:

**Reignashii**Hello! I hope your vacations went well! Thank you for your words and for reviewing the story! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Bye bye!

**crasyducky**Hey there! I'm glad you liked last chapter! I was wondering if I expressed her emotions right…I'm glad to see my readers could feel her pain (smiles). Thank you for reviewing! I hope you like this chapter too! Bye bye!

**Kean**Hi! I know sometimes it seems like they are almost involving, but I hope I have explained that in this chapter. I'm glad you still enjoy the story! Thank you for your review! Keep reading! Bye bye!

**reader-kikilala**Words cannot describe the proud I felt when I read your review. I was so much happy to read it. You've really touched me with your words. Thank you so much. I do want to send lots of messages with this story. It all started to make people realize and understand the ones that are like Kaoru; help them realize that Kaoru and alike are not insane but, in reality, are really lost in themselves.

This story is based on a real person, therefore its importance to me.

People do tend to live life without realizing the beauty of life around them. And when they realize they should have thanked for every bird chirping on the tree, or thank for every sunny day that lighted their lives, sometimes is too late.

Please, do share your thoughts with me as much as you like! I'm sharing mine in this story and reading yours made me realize I was doing a good job with the mission of my story: helping others realize something's they hadn't thought of it before.

"I need this story to remind me to slow down and take living one at the time and stop to appreciate my surroundings b4 it pass me by just like that." Thank you so much for this sentence. It really meant a lot to me.

Keep reading and I hope you like this chapter!

**RogueSummersLover**Lol, I hope you're not disappointed with this chapter. Their relationship has to develop slowly because they don't know each other and there's many things around them that will difficult that involvement. And I won't say any further or I'll end up telling everything (grins) Well, keep reading and thank you for your reviews!

**WhiteRabbit5**Yes, I have to admit I love this Kenshin I'm writing, although we'll be finding many things in the future that will explain his way of being. Their relationship is not as simple as we all wanted to be, since she is involved with Enishi and Kenshin is very polite. I do tend to write chapters in a circle because I don't want anything passing by my reviewers. And I did it again this chapter…(muses)….I can't help it! Keep reading and thank you so much for your review!

**Peachie-Chan**Enishi has is good side, as we could see in this chapter. He does love her, but has some difficulties in showing that. Thank you for reviewing! Hope you liked this chapter!

**gabyhyatt**Really? I'm sorry then (grins). I thought people needed to know each other better before marring. But that's just my opinion. Thank you for reviewing!

**animeobsessed3191**Thank you for your review! Keep reading!

**goldmund**Haha, he does get even better, ne? He's my dream man…Kenshin is a mysterious man, with a past that made him be who he is now. It'll all be revealed in time! Indeed, many people don't have the courage to face their own obstacles and made the option of saying 'I wish I could go', without realizing they're already telling themselves they'll probably never will. Thank you for reading my story! I'm so happy! (grins)

And that's all folks! Keep on reading this story!

Ja ne! Bye bye! Adeus!

Agnes


	9. Life Without Him

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Eight: Life without him**

It's been a week since my last meeting with Kenshin and, somehow, it's been rather empty. Probably because Enishi has been working late this week. I guess I'm feeling lonely.

So I called Misao a half an hour ago and asked what she was doing. Since it is her afternoon break and her fiancé is working, she was more than thrilled to go out with me. I am to meet her at her office at three o'clock and we'll go to a near by café.

Today is Saturday and, therefore, I'm not working. But Enishi is, yet again, adding more loneliness to my already depressed state. I've cleaned the entire house and now, I sit on my bed, gazing at the so lovely portrait hanging in front of me.

I know I'm just torturing myself, but I can't help it. Even though I still don't understand these feelings at all, I do know I miss his words and presence. I've been going to work by foot, crossing the park every single day in hopes to find the man in question. I obviously disappoint myself on doing that, since he's not there. Never. It is as if he has vanished from this Earth, which I find it very ironic since he said he would always be there for me.

Well, where is he now?

I know I'm being a little bit unfair, since he has his life and has absolutely no responsibility towards me what so ever. It's just…I can't stand being alone.

I really can't.

When I'm alone, I start feeling all these stupid emotions, like I'm not needed anymore. Since everyone is so busy with their lives to be with me, I kind of feel like I'm doing nothing here. And, consequently, I start thinking that, since I'm not needed, it is the best time for me to die. So I start wondering on the amount of diseases I can catch, which are a lot, and it goes on and on like that.

I know this doesn't make any sense but it is how I feel right now.

I need to have people around me to make me feel I'm still needed and wanted. I guess that's why I never broke up with Enishi. We've had several fights in the past and Misao would always ask why I didn't finish it all.

I'm afraid of being lonely.

I fear that, if I brake up with Enishi, I'll never be with anyone else. I think that I'll get a disease that'll kill me, making me die alone, with no one loving me until the end. I know I have Misao and the others, but I'm talking about a lover.

But don't get me wrong.

I don't brake up with Enishi just because I'm afraid. I really like him, even though he has his faults, just as I have mine.

Oh my, it's time to go.

Closing the door, I leave the apartment and head to Misao's office, on the other side of Yamazaki-gawa. I can't help but walk through it, in hopes to find my mystery man.

No such luck.

Leaving the park slightly disappointed yet again, I spot Misao already waiting for me in front of her building.

"Hey Misao-chan!" I greet her, chuckling when she jumps a little before turning to me.

"I was starting to wonder if you were really coming, ne?" She says grinning. "So, how've you been? I haven't seen you almost in a week! You're worrying me, you know?" She says jokingly, as we head to our favourite café in this part of the city: Kampeki. Some would think of this a very lame name for a shop but I find it perfect, since the food and service _are_ perfect.

We arrive there and seat at our usual spot near the window. I love staring at the outside. Watching life in its everyday form is very interesting. At least for me. And I can watch as people live their routine without me being caught by it.

Tae-san, one of the waitresses of this café, approaches us, ready to take our order. "Konnichi wa minna-san! What will you order today?" she asks with a big smile on her face. This woman is amusing. When she gives a smile like this one, her eyes close completely and I wonder how she can take notes with her eyes closed.

"I'd like to drink a tea. Camomile is fine. And two toasts!" Misao says immediately. "What about you Kaoru-chan?"

My eyes glance to the menu displaying in front of me. Scanning through all the possibilities, I wonder about which one of them has less possibility of having something other than its original ingredients. Tea is okay…but toasts? How do I know it has real flour in it? Then again, I've eaten bread since I remember. But maybe no one had ever though of it until now…

No toasts.

"Tea is fine. Camomile too." I say after a moment.

Misao tiles her head. "You're not eating anything?"

"No. I've had a good lunch." I answer simply. Well, I am kind of hungry, but I'll eat when I get home.

Tae nods and turns, heading to the balcony to get our orders. I stare at the window, not really focusing on something, until Misao's voice brings my attention into the real world around me. "Hey girl, why are you so quiet?"

I look up at her and sigh, giving a small smile as I lean against the back of the chair. "It's nothing."

She arches an eyebrow, giving me a reprimand look. "Of course it's something! You haven't spoken a word since we got here other than your order. What's going on?"

I open my mouth to answer but Tae arrives with our order. Placing the tea in front of each other and Misao's toasts, she bows and leaves. Misao takes a bite on one of the four big, looking good toasts and I feel my mouth water slightly. "Want a bite?" She asks and I shake my head quickly. She shrugs and mentions me to continue with my answer.

"I guess I'm feeling lonely." I tell her quietly, taking a sip of my hot tea. Misao stays silent and I continue reluctantly. "Enishi has been working late this week and I've been alone since I get home after work. And you know how I can't stand being alone."

"I don't think that's all." She tells me shortly. "Does it have something to do with that guy from the park?"

I really am an open book. Amazing…I shrug, hesitating on what to say. Every word coming from my mouth must be studied or she'll start thinking and planning other things. "I haven't seen him in a week so…" I know that's not an answer, but still…what am I going to say? That I miss him? Am I not supposed to miss _JUST_ my boyfriend?

"So…it is the guy! Tell me!" She pleads grinning. Honestly, I've never seen anyone so eager for me to like a guy other than my boyfriend. "Do you know who he is?"

I nod. "I found out last Friday. Enishi asked me to go to the Medical Center in order to grab the prescription for his medicine. So, in my lunch hour, I went there and ended up bumping in Himura Kenshin." I pause, taking a sip on my tea. "That's his name."

She furrows her brows. "What was he doing there?" She asks confused.

"He's a doctor there." I tell her plainly.

I watch as her eyes widen slightly and her mouth forms an inaudible 'oh'. "He's a doctor?" She asks amazed. "What happened next?" She asks quickly, placing her elbows on top of the table to lean closer to me.

"Well, after bumping in each other, he offered to sign the prescription. We talked a little and when I was about to leave, he asked if he could meet me after work. I said yes and we met at the park near Yamazaki-gawa, where he gave me a portrait…" I trail off.

"Portrait of whom?" Misao asks, barely whispering. This girl loves stories.

"Me." I say, looking out the window. "He was drawing me in the day we met. When I start crying, he approached me and offered his handkerchief. And the rest you know."

My friend is silent for a while and, now that I think about it, she has all the reason in the world. The story I'm telling here does not sound real at all. It almost seems like a romance novel or something.

"He draw you…He sounds so perfect."

I smirk, remembering my own sentence. "Yes, I told him that. And he said no one on this Earth is, otherwise, the world wouldn't be funny at all."

Misao nods. "Makes sense." She chuckles. "Now I understand why you are like that. Being a week away from a creature like that is a torture!"

Rolling my eyes, I drink the rest of my tea, choosing not to answer her comment. Answering will only indulge her further. I know she's enjoying every second of it.

But there's a point where she's right though.

It is torture to be away from him. Amazingly, since he's been away, all my fears and thoughts returned to me with full power. It's not that they had disappeared when he was near me, but he surely eases them farther away than I've ever succeeded. Now, after a week of distance from him, I'm assaulted with every fear every single moment I'm awake. Food is a plague, people frighten me; I think of every possibility of viruses and diseases I might caught.

Why?

I guess I'm afraid of never seeing him again.

"Are you falling for him?"

I choke on my tea, tightening my hold on the small cup. "W-what?" I ask her, regaining my breath. "What are you talking about Misao?"

She leans against the back of her chair. "Simple: whenever you're with him, you're all 'I'm so glad to be alive', and the moment he disappears, you look like you've been given death sentence. When you talk about him, your eyes light up and I can see your expression getting softer by the moment. You don't fool me, you know?"

I snort. "No I don't fool you, because I'm not falling for him! Don't you think if I started to feel something different about him I'd be the first to realize it?"

"No." She answers shortly. "Actually, you'd be the last to realize your feelings."

I open my mouth to answer back but she stops me with a hand. "You and I both know that you love to question every single though, feeling and emotion you have, so it's more than obvious that you'd still be questioning yourself about your feelings when the entire world would already know how you felt for him."

"Even if it's true that I question myself a lot, I can assure you I'm not falling for him. I don't even know him. And plus, I do have a boyfriend, even though you're regularly forgetting that sordid detail." I pause. "So, no, I don't have feelings for him other than curiosity and respect."

"Then why are you earning to meet him once again?" She questions seriously.

I sigh desperately. "I don't know, okay? I just know I'm peaceful whenever I'm with him. That's all."

Misao nods and drops the topic. Thank you!

"How's Aoshi?" I ask, trying to change the subject definitively.

Her face lights up and a big charming smile dances at her lips. Yep, it always works. Just mention her fiancé's name and she'll be on a whole different planet. She starts babbling about him; their relationship; their future plans; where they're having dinner…pretty much everything there's to know about them. And that's how we spend the rest of our afternoon.

It's six o'clock when I arrive home feeling, once again, disappointed since Kenshin wasn't at the park when I returned home. This is really eating me on my inside. Walking up to the answer machine, I check the messages. Maybe he…

I snort. Of course he didn't leave a message. He doesn't even know your contact. Baka…

"You have one new message."

My eyes look up to the machine in anticipation.

"First message."

"Hey baby" My eyes drop and I sit on the couch. "Just to tell you don't wait up 'cause I won't be home until dawn. Gomen, ne? Bye love."

"End of first message. You have no new messages."

The beep sounds through the house and I snort loudly. I can't believe I actually thought it was a message from _him._ Oh my Kaoru, have you become that desperate?

Anyway, seems like I'm stuck with myself once again.

Staring at the darkness of my apartment, listening to nothing but my own breathing, I reckon Misao's words in my mind.

'_You're falling for him.'_

I blink, leaning against the couch.

'_Whenever you're with him, you're all 'I'm so glad to be alive'.' _

I'm peaceful when he's around…

'_And the moment he disappears, you look like you've been given death sentence.'_

My fears assault me once again…

'_When you talk about him, your eyes light up and I can see your expression getting softer by the moment.'_

He only wants to see me smiling…

But I'm not falling for him…

'_Then why are you earning to meet him once again?'_

…am I?

I sigh, glancing to the world of lights shining outside my window.

Is it possible to love two persons at the same time?

Or is one of them just infatuation?

* * *

To be continued…

A/N: Hello once again! Here is another chapter of Story of My Life, although nothing happens much. But you'll understand why I wrote this chapter in the future. Don't worry, Kenshin will make his appearance soon and we'll all be relieved! It's funny how everybody admits Kenshin is perfect. It's so bad that there're not men like him, ne? It would make things much easy! Well, I hope you enjoy this little chapter anyways!

Thanks to:

**Reignashii: **Hahaha, I know how boring it can be to check our email box when we go on vacation. I had my email blocked once, due to all the email I received…Thank you so much for reviewing and I hope you like this chapter! Bye bye and good luck!

**Chikifriend: **Hola Chiki-san! Hehe, I'm always happy to read your reviews! I'm glad you liked my small (coughs) twist! Enishi and Kenshin as best friends…I thought it would be SO interesting to work around that…I'm so happy to know you like my Enishi hehe…You see, it makes things much more complicated when you're involved with someone that's not that bad. Of course, he's distracted and doesn't accompany her as much as she'd like, but he has a good heart and I want people to like him and, when time comes, understand how he feels about the entire situation. I love to insert reality in my stories. I'm glad you notice it! Thank you so much for your support Chiki-san! I hope you like this chapter! Ja mata ne?

**animeobsessed3191: **Thanks for the tip and for authorizing me to use it when I find it right. I hope you like when I apply your sentence in my story! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you for your review! Bye bye!

**WhiteRabbit5: **Hahaha! I loved your review! Especially when you said "DUMP ENwait...huh? He's so sweet...aww!". That's exactly what I want to show to my readers. Enishi is not that bad, even though he's sort of distracted and doesn't pay that much of attention to Kaoru. He has a good heart and I want people to understand what he's feeling about this entire situation. I'm so honoured to read you saying that I rock. It's so nice to know that people like my work and enjoy reading my story. I hope you like this chapter, even though not much happens. Thank you for reviewing! Bye bye!

**Peachie-Chan: **Hehe, many people prefer Kenshin over Enishi. He IS perfect after all, isn't he? I knew I was going to make a big twist by playing them as best friends in the past, but I think it'll give an interesting development in this story. Thank you for reading and reviewing! Bye bye!

**Kean: **I hope you don't find much grammar mistakes in this one. I know you won't enjoy this chapter either, but trust me, I wrote it for a reason. Thank you for reading my story! Keep reviewing! Bye bye!

**gabyhyatt : **Of course. It's not our place to judge other people's decisions. It's their life and they're the only ones responsible for it. Thank you for reviewing! Bye bye!

**reader-kikilala: **And, once again, you sensibly me with your kind words. Indeed, Kaoru's is set in between the storm and decisions to be made are complicated when feelings are involved. Kaoru is an excellent woman and she doesn't want anyone to be hurt or sad. She'd do anything to make the ones she cares and loves happy and unhurt. You gave me an idea when you talked about selfishness. Indeed, it's part of the human race to be selfish, although there are some persons who posses no selfishness. And I think Kaoru is like that.

Kenshin asked a deep question and its answer is far more complicated than it seems at first. It takes a lot for someone to get to that conclusion. To answer your question, yes, I know what my answer would be. If I died tomorrow, I'd mostly regret a great part of my actions. Life isn't easy and, sometimes, you hesitate on doing some things you'll only remember and regret not doing when death knocks on your door. It's harsh but its reality. I'd not be in peace with myself if I died tomorrow. I hope I'm able to help people realize some things in life that, usually, are ignored by them, but equally important.

As you said, nothing comes without a price to pay.

Thank you for your ever so kind words. I'm always so happy to read your reviews. Because they make me feel some peace.

I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thank you once again.

**Neko-Yuff16: **Hahaha, everything will come out right, don't worry! Thank you for reviewing! Keep reading! Bye bye!

**crasyducky:** Thank you for your words. I'm glad to see my readers like how the plot id developing. Thank you! Keep reavewing! Bye bye!

And that's all folks! Thank you all!

Bye bye! Ja ne! Adeus!

Agnes.


	10. Infatuation

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Nine: Infatuation**

I sit on my bed abruptly at the sharp sound of my alarm clock.

Damn thing.

Turning it off, I place a hand on my forehead, feeling a throbbing headache wanting to come alive. A strange sensation assaults my chest and I'm sure it has something to do with my yesterday's conversation with Misao. She sure knows how to provoke anxiety. All that speculation about my love life is making my heart beat unsteadily. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't lose my sleep over her words, I found myself dreaming about the big question hanging in my mind right now.

Is it just infatuation?

Could Kenshin be just a silly infatuation due to my frustration about Enishi? About the way we live and the way he acts towards me?

Could it be?

Glancing to my side, I check if my lapse of memory had woken the sleeping man besides me.

Did I say sleeping? I meant snoring…

Shaking my head slightly, I turn, placing my feet on the soft carpet floor, and rise from the bed. Stretching my limbs, just as Misao recommended, I head to the kitchen, scratching my sides. Sleep can do this to me. I feel like a thousand ants walk on my body as soon as I wake up. Opening the fridge, I take a bottle of orange juice and open it, while looking for a glass.

Finding everything I need, I head back to the living room, and seat lazily on the couch. Taking a sip from the cold juice, I sigh. Sun is penetrating through the thick glass of the big window, showing how powerful he is and how easily he can light things up. Much easily than we can. It's a perfect Sunday morning, with the sky blue and the sun shinning.

Perfect for a walk to the park.

I rise from the couch, placing the empty glass on top of the kitchen's balcony and head to my room silently as not to wake up Enishi. Dressing a pair of training pants and a sweater, I gather my hair in a high ponytail and enter the bathroom. Washing my face and teeth, I turn and walk to the front door. Placing the keys inside my right pocket, I leave the house.

Sun greets me as soon as I step out of the building, caressing my face with its soft warmth. I have to admit this is the first day I walk to the park without any hopes to come across with Kenshin. Being deceived for a week is enough. Maybe he was just a product of my imagination…

But he signed the prescription…so he exists.

My feet carry me slowly, as I keep myself absorbed with my thoughts. I was feeling lonely yesterday but I think I rather feel lonely than having this doubts all over.

Why should I even care?

It's not like we're going to do something about it! _If_ there were to be some romantic feelings between us, I'd never betray Enishi and Kenshin made clear he wouldn't steal anyone's lover.

This is pathetic.

I don't even know him enough and I'm already thinking about loving him? This is what happens when I actually listen to Misao. She always convinces me about forgetting Enishi and move on to another man. Why would I even do that? I admit Enishi isn't the most romantic guy on the planet but who's perfect? He has his faults just as I have mine. And it's not like it's his fault not having time for us. It's his job…

Right?

I sigh. Who am I asking? My conscience? She's busy enough thinking about diseases. Speaking of which, I read an article, about two days ago, that said that people who are hypochondriacs will never find its total cure. They'll just have to learn how to live with it.

Great…there's no hope for me.

Not that I didn't know it already…

My feet carry me along the green grass shinning under the sun's bright light. Walking up to a tree, I sit down next to it and lean against the thick trunk. Sighing softly, I allow my eyes to wonder through the landscape in front of me. It's about ten in the morning and several people can be seen enjoying the nice warm weather. Children are running after their dogs or after each other, laughing loudly, showing to the world how much joy they contain. Elder couples sit on benches, appreciating what life has best.

I continue scanning the grounds, occasionally stopping to admire a specific dog or bird, or gaze at a young couple lying down under a tree in each other's embrace.

My eyes stop at that sight.

I wish I'd be able to do that with Enishi. Last time we were like that was…about three years ago? I know it was when we had just started dating. I remember that day as if it was just yesterday. He had asked me to be his girlfriend a month before and we were celebrating the big day. We walked around the city, in each other's arms, enjoying every second of our newly found love. Although he was already a model, his schedules weren't as unstable as today.

Well actually, they became messy soon after three months since that day at the park.

We lay down just like the young couple before my eyes and enjoyed each other's company under the bright blue sky. I felt like nothing in the world would be able to ruin that feeling.

How was I supposed to know Enishi was wiling to ruin that in sake of his job?

So, a couple of months later, our relationship changed drastically and the only thing for us to make it last was getting engaged, although Misao never agreed with that. He started travelling frequently, our time together was slowly loosing its intimacy and we just…broke apart. I know he still loves me but…I just…I wish I could enjoy fully what love can offer you. Enishi…he barely kisses me or caresses me in any way. He usually claims to be severely tired from his hard working day.

What can I do?

I do nothing. I nod and take for granted every single show of affection he has towards me.

But I can't help to miss our youngest days. When we were so freely in love with each other.

Now…I feel lonely. And empty.

Coming to think of it, I've been at the park lately and enjoying what life offers. But not with the man who is supposed to spend those moments with me. No…it was with…

Kenshin.

I blink, tiling my head slightly.

But we are not lovers so…it's more like a friendly walk to the park. It doesn't make me feel the same thing I felt when it was with Enishi.

Does it?

Why am I even questioning myself?

Of course it doesn't. Kenshin is a very nice guy indeed, but we don't share any kind of love. We can share compassion, and some minimum level of friendship, but nothing more than that. I don't even know why I doubted in the first place!

Suddenly I feel so clarified about everything!

"Penny for your thoughts?"

And the clarifying moment is gone.

Holding my breath, I glance upwards slowly, meeting the most amazing pair of gentle amethyst eyes I've ever seen in my entire life. My heart quickens at such level I'm afraid I'll have a stroke. My mind seems to stop functioning as I can only stare at the man standing before me, smiling ever so softly. After a couple of agonizing seconds, I'm finally able to let go of my breath and my body seems to come alive once again.

I blink quickly, before smiling back at him. "Hi…"

He nods slowly, his haze penetrating into my eyes as if telling me all the wonders I question myself about. "Hello…mind if I sit?"

"Sure." I say, as I move to the side to make some room for him.

Kenshin sits down next to me, leaning against the tree. He's using clothing much alike with mine, so I presume he must do this often. I wonder why we never saw each other before…

"What were you thinking about?" He asks quietly, glancing at me.

_You. _"Life." I tell him simply. _Life with you._ I shake the thought out of my head, silently scolding myself for even thinking that.

"Yours?"

I nod, but don't say a word. It's better to stay shut than end up saying something it shouldn't come out. Different thoughts cross my mind as if riding on a free-way, as many questions form as the seconds go by.

Where has he been this week?

Did something bad happen?

Was he ill?

Why am I even bothering?

Why is my heart still beating a thousand miles an hour?

"So, how've you been?"

His question snaps me from my turmoil. I look at him for a second, before glancing around the park. "Oh…I've been fine…just fine…I-I…I've been fine."

"One more fine and I'll stop believing." Kenshin tells me, slightly grinning.

I glance at him sideways, before letting out a hoarse chuckle. Looking down at my hands, I entertain myself playing with my fingernails while trying to find a reasonable explanation for my state of being during the past week. I can't just boldly say that I've been missing him every single day since we last met in the park. Neither can I say that I've been questioning myself if he's just an infatuation or if I'm having some sort of feelings for him.

Damn…

"Well…" I start slowly, "My boyfriend has been very…busy with his work…this week, and I've…felt…it's not as if I am but…I've felt…lonely." I pause for a second. "Which is stupid since I'm absolutely not alone. He comes home every night, even if it is when I'm…sleeping already, and then he leaves very early too, but that's his job, you know? He can't do anything about it. And I have my best friend Misao. She's a doctor too, you see? Of course she's busy with the clinic and she's also engaged so it's not like I can just pop into her house and say 'Hello! I've come for dinner! I hope I'm not disturbing' since we all know I'd be disturbing them. So I stay alone since I get home and I guess…that made me feel kind of…alone. But it's going to end soon, so…it's okay now!" I finish my babbling, giving him a small smile, before staring straight ahead to the park.

I know he's staring at me intensely, but I refuse to meet his gaze. I hate to play the part of the poor innocent little girl and I just did! So I don't want to see him looking at me with pity or anything.

At last, his voice reaches my ears. "You are…an extraordinary woman."

My head turns sharply to his direction and I stare at him with my mouth slightly hanging. What? Me? Extraordinary?

"Why do you say that?" I ask him softly.

His violet eyes peer into mine, allowing me to see the truth behind all his actions. "Because you are."

"Don't say that…I'm not-"

"You are. You endure loneliness and still manage to say 'it'll be alright'." He says softly. "I'm sorry."

I blink. "Why are you apologising?"

"I wasn't here when you most needed." He lowers his head. "I broke my promise."

I give a small snort. "You don't have to apologise. You have your own life to take care. And your patients!" I pause, smiling softly. "You don't have to feel bad for not being here. I had my painting and my snow globe."

His head rises to meet me, his eyes questioning.

"If I remember correctly, you said 'Whenever you feel like giving up, just look to the snow globe and reach out for me'." I look down for a moment. "Even if you didn't come this time, having these two things made me feel…warm inside and not so lonely." I finish quietly, telling him honestly everything I felt.

Kenshin is quietly for a moment, making me wonder what can he be thinking? Is he taken back with my comment? With the honesty I was hesitating in telling?

At last, he speaks. "You'll never have to endure loneliness again. I promise I'll be there and this time, I won't break that promise."

I open my mouth but Kenshin stops me from speaking. "I won't." He tells me firmly.

Letting out a long sigh, I give him a small smile, nodding slowly.

"Himura-sensei?"

Our heads turn to the owner of the hoarse female's voice. An old lady is walking slowly as a snail to our direction, leaning her right side of the body on a thick polished wooden cane as she gives another step. Kenshin smiles at her and rises quickly, moving to her side to steady her. She sighs heavily and smiles.

"Aa, I thought it was you when I saw you from a distance! I'm happy I can still see things that clearly!" She says, catching her breath.

Kenshin chuckles. "You see much better than I do Meami-san! How've you been?"

The lady, Meami-san, takes a hold in Kenshin's hands, smiling sweetly at the young doctor. "I've been fine son. I'm glad to see you well. Are you taking it better this year?"

Kenshin glances at me for a second, before answering. "Yes, it's becoming easier as the years go by."

"Good, after all, it's been five long years, ne? It's time to move on my dear friend."

I narrow my eyes. What has happened five years ago to make Kenshin hesitate in his answer?

Kenshin only nods, smiling at the old lady.

Maemi-san straightens her purse and cane, letting go of Kenshin's hand. "Well, I'll continue my morning walk. I'm doing as you said!"

He laughs politely. "I'm glad you took my advices. Are you coming over my office this week?"

"Oh yes, I need more of my pills!"

Kenshin arches his brow. "Maa, already? I think you're becoming addicted!"

The lady laughs heartily. "But Himura-sensei, they are what keeps me alive! Have a nice day son!" Maemi-san bows and leaves slowly.

Sitting next to me once again, Kenshin sighs, smiling. "One of my dearest patients. And oldest too. I think I've been her doctor for…seven years now."

I smile lightly, still wondering about the story around the five years ago. "That's a long time…"

Should I ask him?

Maybe he'll be angry…but he did answer in front of me so…

I turn to him, taking a breath and holding it. "A-ano…Kenshin-san…"

He turns to me, tiling his head to the side. "Hai?"

I look at my hands for a moment, before raising my head to meet his violet eyes staring curiously into mine. "If…if you don't mind me asking…what happened five years ago?"

He breaks the eye contact, turning his head to the sky. After a dying moment of waiting, he turns to me and whispers. "My son died five years ago."

My eyes widen as far as they can as my mouth opens widely.

What?

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

A/N: Ahhh, cliffhanger! I love cliffies! Hello again my fellow readers! I'm back! I'm sorry for the delay, but I've been really busy for this past month and was unable to write my story. Anyway, here's the new chapter and I hope you all enjoy this one! I particularly liked it! Please let me know what you think! Bye bye!

**Thank you:**

**kik-ting** Hello! A new reviewer! So good! I'm glad you liked my story so far! I hope you enjoy this chapter too! Thank you for your kind words! Bye bye!

**black slashed dragon** Hello! Thank you so much for your words about my work! I hope you like this chapter too! Please keep on reading and reviewing! Bye bye!

**WhiteRabbit5** Hi! I really enjoyed your review, as I do always. You always seem to analyze my sentences and all my intentions with this story and that is great for me, because it shows that the messages I want to send with this story are being received by my readers. I want everyone to understand who Kaoru really is and what she feels, since she's the main character of the story. I want people to fall in love with her problems and thoughts and emotions. I want to show a character that is so alike many of us, right? Well, enough of babbling…Thank you so much for your review! Keep on reading, ne? I hope you like this one! Kenshin makes his appearance once again! Bye bye!

**Chikifriend** Hello my dear friend! It is no problem at all for leaving a small review! I'm just so glad my story is still pleasant to you! Bye bye Chiki-san and I hope you like this chapter too! Ja mata!

**Peachie-Chan** Hi and here's your answer! I'm sorry for the delay but I was very busy during the past times, working and all, so I was only able to update now. Still, I hope you like this chapter! Kenshin made his appearance once again (sighs) this man is everything…he reminds me of Mark Darcy of Bridget Jones Diary. Too perfect to be real…anyway, bye bye and keep reading and reviewing, kay? Bye!

**animeobsessed3191 : **Hello! You can bet I'm going to use your sentence. I even know the scene when I'm going to use it! Thank you, it's perfect! I'm glad you're a fan of K/K…so am I, can't you tell? All my stories are about them…(sighs) I'm hopeless. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter! More details are being revealed! Bye bye!

**Neko-Yuff16 : **LOL, loved your comment 'now she's got something to think about other than death'. Yes, but maybe it's not that easy…anyway, I'm not going to spoil everything…thank you for reviewing and I hope you enjoy this chapter! Bye bye!

**reader-kikilala** Hello dear! Thank you so much for your review! About Kaoru waiting for Kenshin's calling, even if it was impossible to be him, you were right, she was hoping it would be him, even though she knew it was impossible to be him since he didn't know her number. And still doesn't. Anyway, keep reading and reviewing and we'll talk more later on, ne? Bye bye dear! And thank you so much for your support!

And that's all folks! Keep on reading and reviewing!

Bye bye!

Agnes.

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	11. Past

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Ten: Past**

'My son died five years ago.'

What do you say in situations such as this?

I'm sorry?

How?

My respects?

Or you just stay silent waiting for the other to explain further the situation at hand?

I decide for the latest.

My mind is in turmoil right now, with thoughts flashing a thousand miles a second.

He had a son? A _son_?

From whom? Is he still married?

Was his old girlfriend the mother?

Did they actually get married soon after high school?

Where's she now?

Oh my…why is this happening?

My chest begs for air and I slowly let go of the breath I've been holding for the past seconds.

I've been so selfish this week.

While Kenshin was mourning his dearest son's death, I was entertaining myself in blaming him for breaking his promise to me, actually angry for him not being there when I needed it.

I'm a bitch.

I realize now, in a rather harsh way that my problems are so ridiculous comparing with other people's suffer. Here I spent ten years of my life thinking and suffering diseases that never existed while other people, as Kenshin, felt real pain and angst. I can't even imagine how it feels to lose a son…

I blink, reaching to a sudden conclusion.

"Why do you apologize for breaking your promise to me when you know how insignificant my problems are comparing with yours?" I ask him slowly.

Next to me, Kenshin sighs softly. "They are not insignificant."

I snort bitterly. "Of course they are! I felt like dying just because my boyfriend was working late this week! That's not a problem!" I pause, scowling myself. "That's a spoiled little girl's attitude!"

Two strong arms grab my shoulders firmly and shake me lightly. My eyes shot up to his face, meeting a pair of hard violet eyes staring deeply into mine.

"You're not spoiled, neither are your problems insignificant! My son died five years ago and you're the reason for me to stop mourning it so deeply and focus in other people suffering around me!" He tells me fiercely.

My mouth opens but no sound comes from it. Surprise fills my body in every sense with the way his hands hold my shoulders and the strength behind his words.

Gradually, his hold lightens, allowing me to relax a bit. Kenshin lowers his head. "He was the most beautiful child I've ever seen." He whispers slowly, letting go of my shoulders and leaning against the old trunk.

I take a deep breath, glancing at the blue sky above our heads. "I can't imagine the amount of pain you felt." I tell him softly. "The only pain I felt alike yours was my father's death."

"Was that the reason you were crying the other day?" Kenshin asks quietly, looking at the trees absently.

I nod, smirking lightly. "Just a silly moment of remembrance."

He glances at me. "Remembering is nothing silly. He was a very important person to you."

And suddenly, we're talking about _my_ problems once again. But this time, I'm not pressing the matter. If he wants to talk about it, he will! Silence lays upon us as usual, as neither of us dare to say a word.

Birds are chirping on the trees above our heads, flying into the nests to feed their starved babies. It's about eleven in the morning and more children arrive to the park. Their joy is contagious and I wish I could share some of their happiness. They know no worries or pain. The only things busying their innocent minds are playing and eating not so healthy things. But then again, they don't lose a second of their life to worry about it. Living life fully as if there was no tomorrow…

"They're so free, ne?" I whisper, enchanted by the displaying before my eyes.

Kenshin nods, understanding whom I was referring to. "They are indeed the purest creatures on earth. Pity that some of them are abused by terrible people…"

"Kenshin-san," I ask suddenly. I'm going to ask him and if he doesn't want to answer, at least I tried, ne?

"Hai?"

I look at him, filling my chest with a new amount of fresh air. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. "If you…don't mind me asking…what happened to your son?"

Kenshin shakes his head. "No…I don't mind…" He says quietly, taking a moment to stretch his legs, crossing them in front of him.

"I'm sure your boyfriend, Enishi, has already told you that we were once friends…"

"Yes…he said you were friends during high school and once the year was over, you lost contact with each other."

He nods. "Indeed. Enishi went to study in America and we never heard anything ever since." He pauses. "We started as enemies, you know? He didn't like me because he knew I liked his best friend."

I stay silent, waiting for him to continue.

"Her name was Suki. Doi Suki. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen to that moment and, as every regular teenage boy, I swore to myself that I'd be her boyfriend one day." He chuckles softly. "That's when your actual boyfriend came into action. He was her best friend and, obviously, her most personal protector and, when he heard of my intentions, he declared I wasn't good enough for her. But…she ended up falling in love with me and we started dating. Enishi changed from enemy to my best friend." He stops, staring into nothing as he recalls every moment in his mind.

"We shared everything with each other. Then, when high school ended, we parted our ways. I married with Suki in the second year of college. Everyone thought it was too soon, but we were so in love with each other that nothing else mattered. I found a part-time job while I struggled to finish my course and we were able to live on our own."

As he retells the story, I keep doing some mental calculus. If he married in the second year of college than that means he was…around twenty years old! It _was_ too soon…in my humble opinion anyway…

"Three years after getting married, our son was born." He tells me softly. "Kenji. I was twenty-four that time and working at the hospital."

My eyes shot up at this. I thought he said he didn't work there…

"I was a surgeon back then, so I made part of the team who brought my child to the world." He says quietly. "The perfect baby, everyone said. He was a miniature of me, with his mother's deep brown eyes. His smile was constantly dancing in his lips. Kenji would only fall asleep after a bedtime story. Sometimes, when I was on bank at the hospital, he'd call me to my cell and I'd tell him a story made from my mind. Stories with good guys and bad guys; princess and dragons…he'd love them all."

He speaks with so much love about his lost son I find it hard to keep my eyes from watering. Everything he says makes me remember so many things from my own father…

"Four years passed and Kenji was more and more similar with me. He loved adventure, spent entire days riding his bicycle and loved to climb trees. I remember Suki being in panic every time he'd arrive from school with new bruises." He chuckles sadly. "He was actually very proud of them. He used to say that each one of them were proof of his adventures and he would treasure them forever."

"He sounded so adorable."

Kenshin nods. "He was perfect." He whispers slowly, pausing for a short time.

Why do I feel like the hard part is starting?

Before I could brace myself to what I was about to hear, Kenshin resumes the story. "One night, five years ago, I was on bank at the hospital. It was about six o'clock in the afternoon when an emergency arrived. Two ambulances opened their doors and nurses rushed out quickly, giving me a close-up on what had happened. There had been a car accident and two victims needed immediate assistance. I rushed to the first stretcher and was told of the patient's situation. The young boy laying on the stretcher before me, around the age of twenty, was the driver of the car who, after running over the person walking in the street, lost control of the car and crashed against a tree, fracturing his shoulder and earned a cranium traumatism. I rushed him inside, handing his file to my colleague for that night, and turned to observe the second victim."

Kenshin stops, swallowing hard. His voice is trembling as his hands fight with a small amount of grass.

My heart is pounding inside my chest as I anticipate the up coming moment. But the pain is visible in his face, voice and behaviour, and I don't want to cause him more pain. I lay my hand on top of his. "You don't have to continue." I tell him softly.

He shakes his head. "No…it's okay." He whispers, trembling slightly. His hand squeezes mine for a second before he continues. "When I reached the second stretcher…my heart stopped and the rest of the world faded away. My entire life was laying there, with his face covered in blood, my own blood, as his small chest breathed unsteadily. I remember feeling so numb that I forgot to breathe…I thought I was going to die right there and then. But I knew what I had to do and, in a moment, the entire world crushed onto my head and the rest of the night was a blur. I don't remember much of the process…I guess I was sort of in a trance, operating and wishing at the same time. After doing everything we could, time was our only hope. Kenji had fallen into a coma during the surgery and all we could do…was wait. I stayed by his side the entire night, holding his small hand in mine, silently praying for the God everyone said to me miraculous to save my son."

I watch as he struggles with the emotions within him. "Kenshin-san, please…you don't have to continue if you don't feel comfortable with it…"

He shakes his head stubbornly. "No, I have to do this!" He tells me almost desperately. "After six hours without any sign coming from him, I felt a little pressure in my hand. I opened my eyes and there he was, my Kenji, smiling lightly at me. I remember having tears falling down my cheeks and relieve entering my chest. The assaulting sound of the heart monitor's penetrated my mind as I looked down into my son's peaceful eyes. I asked myself, in that moment, 'How is it possible for him to look so peaceful?'. I squeezed his little hand and whispered 'Hey kiddo'. He gave me the most beautiful I've ever seen and whispered back 'Don't worry daddy. I'll be okay'". Kenshin's voice falters, as he blinks back the tears. "Then…gradually…I felt his hand falling from mine, a sweet smile set at his lips, followed by the horrible sound of his flat line." His last words are choked out, followed by a deep sob.

I can't do or say anything as I stare helplessly at the broken man in front of me. My cheeks are moistened with tears as I find myself so heart broken with his story.

What should I do?

Kenshin raises his hands to his face, rubbing his fingers against his eyes. "I'm sorry. It's been five years…I should have learned how to handle this time of the year." He tells me, giving a forced chuckle.

You're far too harsh with yourself Himura Kenshin.

My hand touches his shoulder, causing him to lower his hands from his face and look at me. "It's not your fault Kenshin-san." I tell him softly. "You did more than anyone on this Earth could do for your son."

He stares at me for a moment, before lowering his eyes to his hands resting beside him. "Thank you Kaoru-dono. My wife thought the opposite though…"

"What do you mean?"

He gives a heavy sign. "She left me the day after my son's death."

My eyes widen at that. What…?

"She blamed me for his death, for not trying enough. The morning after she packed her bags and we divorced a month later." He pauses. "I've never heard anything from her ever since."

Kenshin looks away to the children playing a few feet ahead from us and I take that moment to collect my thoughts.

This man sitting next to me is one of those men every woman wishes to have. He's gentle, polite, charming, handsome…I think no adjectives what so ever can make him justice.

He's unexplainable.

And that woman left him because he did _everything_ he could to save their child?

This kind man was left alone to endure not one but, thanks to that insensitive woman, two losses. Two very important persons.

"What a bitch…" I voice my thoughts and immediately cover my mouth with both my hands, preparing myself to apologize from my outburst.

Kaoru no baka!

But Kenshin only nods absently. "She indeed proved to be much different than I ever expected." He sighs again. "But I guess you can't blame her that hard. I haven't forgiven myself for that yet so…what right did I have to ask for her forgiveness? It was better this way…"

"It was better to endure two losses instead of one?" I ask dubiously. Is he masochist?

He gives a soft chuckle. "Iie, it's not that. I just think I'd happen soon or later. You see…a son's death can ruin a relationship forever. And I think that would be our case."

I shrug absently. "If you say so…" I turn to him, offering a smile. "Thank you for sharing your story with me Kenshin-san."

"Maa, thank _you_ Kaoru-dono." He says, causing me to tile my head to the side, confusingly. "This is the first time I actually tell someone the entire story."

My heart warms up to his soft confession. The idea of helping another to face its own shadows is far more pleasant than I expected. "I'm glad I was able to help somehow. It can't always be you!" I say, trying to lighten the mood.

His violet eyes rise up to meet mine as a small smile starts forming at his lips. "Aa…I guess it wouldn't be fair, would it?" He says, understanding my sudden change of topic.

I shake my head firmly, slightly grinning. "Not at all."

Kenshin chuckles and we look forward, admiring all the life around us.

Many things are in my mind right now, and I'm sure Kenshin's having a hard time himself. But, as that old lady said, it is time to move on. And if Kenshin needs my help to do it, then he'll always have me by his side.

I'll always be there for him, just as I know he'll always be there for me.

What's in the past is nothing more than that.

Past.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N:** Hello everyone! I'm baaaack! And we still haven't reached to any conclusion about Kaoru's greatest question: Is he or is he not just an infatuation? We'll see, we'll see…muahahahaha (ahem) so…I hope you all liked this chapter! And now, to the thank youuu! Bye bye!

**Thanks to the reviewers:**

**Peachie-Chan** Hello! Well, I guess this chapter answered your questions, ne? I hope you like it! I know it holds some angst but…that's life! Also, I used you comment about Kenshin being perfect and the man we all want to have (sighs)…I hope you don't mind it! Anyway, thank you so much for your kind words! Keep reading and reviewing! Bye bye!

**Just call me Blue** Hi! Have you got all the answers you were looking for in this chapter? I hope so! If not, just ask and I'll see what I can do (winks) I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for your review! Keep reading and writing, okay? Bye bye!

**REIGNASHII: **Lol, so many questions! I guess I answered them all with this chapter, didn't I? (muses) Thank you for your interest in my story! Keep on reading and reviewing! Kisses!

**Chikifriend**Hello Chiki-san! I'm always so happy to receive a review from you, no matter how short it might be! I'm glad you enjoyed last chapter (smiles) I agreed with you when you say that Kaoru shouldn't have left to the park so she could stay a little bit longer with him but, as you can see, he wasn't making any company and left as soon as he woke up. She could have stayed but people not always act the way they should, ne? And it's only in the future when you regret and realize what you could have done in the past. Anyway…I guess your questions were answered! I'm not putting Tomoe in this fic…just doesn't fit (winks) About the old woman, she's Kenshin's old patient so she knows about Kenji's death and how Kenshin is affect by it. She just hadn't seen him for a week and knew it was because of what had happened five years ago. Lol, believe me, I deal with people like that everyday. I hope I didn't offend you in any way Chiki-san (bows). Argh, I do have to control myself with the smiling thing! But sometimes it's so hard to find a word to replace a smile. Grinning is not the same as smiling, let alone smirking or snorting. I guess I'm still having a little bit of crisis in there...mou…I'm so happy with all the reviews I'm receiving! (cries happily!) Really, really, so happy and honoured (grins widely) It's always wonderful to know that people appreciate your story, ne? SO, enough of my babbling! Thank you so much for your support and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Bye bye Chiki-san!

**Kean** Hey! I hope I didn't take that much time in updating (grins). I guess all the questions were answered in this chapter. Are you pleased? Please let me know what you think of it! Thank you for reviewing! Kisses!

**UF:** Lol, indeed, many people enjoys _writing_ cliffhangers but not _reading_ cliffhangers. Not me. I love reading cliffies. And you know why? Because it makes me love the story more! It makes me keep imagining what is going to happen; makes me think of all the possibilities for the next chapter and, when its finally updated, I enjoy myself to see if I was close enough or not. It keeps my interest in the story alive. (smiles) Thank you so much for reviewing! I hope you continue reading and that you don't find as much mistakes as you found last time. English is not my native language so I give some grammar mistakes. Anyway…hope to hear from you! Bye bye!

**WhiteRabbit5** Do you know something funny? When I posted chapter nine last Friday, I never got the chance to check the reviews since I went travelling that same day and only came back this Tuesday. I took a notebook with me and wrote chapter ten while on vacations. And, when I returned, I read your review and laughed at the irony of the situation. You guessed my exact thoughts of Kaoru thinking her problems are insignificant! We even used the same word! Imagine that…so curious, ne? Yes, Kaoru and Enishi are engaged, although their relationship is going downhill. I'm not going to insert Tomoe in this fic. First because I don't like her (LOL) and second, because I don't like that stereotype (winks) So, thanks a lot for your always great words and keep reading and reviewing! Bye bye!

**animeobsessed3191**Lol, I hope I didn't take too long! I'm glad you enjoy the fact that my story is unpredictable. I really wanted to write a fic like that and I'm so happy it's actually working! Thank you so much for reviewing! Bye bye!

**crasyducky**I hate when that happens. And it happens a LOT to me…mou…anyway, I'm so happy you liked my other chapters (smiles). I hope I didn't make you angry! The cliffy is solved (winks)! About what Kaoru feels for Kenshin, it's still not solved, because it'll take a lot to make them realize whatever they have for each other. Thank you so much for your words! Keep on reading and reviewing! Bye bye!

**Neko-Yuff16** Hello! I'm happy to see you understood the meaning of Kenshin's trust in Kaoru. Especially in this chapter, we see the trust he's laying upon her and how well she receives it. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter! Thank you for reviewing! Keep writing! Kisses!

**Tameka-tanuki-jouchan** Hello! A new reviewer! So happy (grins)! Some of your questions were answered in this chapter. About Tomoe, she won't play a part in this fic, because I don't see where she can feet. Nor I think she's necessary (winks) I'm not a personal fan of Tomoe. Why? Because I never liked how she played the naïve girl's part. Anyway, I'm glad you liked my story! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Keep reading and reviewing! Bye bye!

**RogueSummersLover** And I think I updated soon, didn't I? (winks) I'm glad you enjoy my story! Thank you for always reviewing! Keep on reading and reviewing, ne? (Why do I always feel like a politician saying this?) anyway…Bye bye!

**reader-kikilala** Hello my dear friend. As always, you know how I appreciate your reviews and words. Kaoru's journey to find her answer is not as close to end as we would all want. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it was very angst but…I couldn't find a softer way to put it. I even cried writing it (blushes) I'm hopeless…I even cry with my own story…mou…thank you for your constant support (smiles) I hope to hear from you soon! Bye Bye dear!

And that's all folks! (I always say this at the end…so not creative…)

Oh, and some **vocabulary** notes:

Hai – Yes

Iie – No

Kaoru no baka – Kaoru you idiot

And NOW it's all folks! Hehehe!

Ja mata! Bye bye! Adeus (in Portuguese)!

Agnes.

And don't forget……..**REVIEW**!


	12. Bad Day

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Eleven: Bad Day**

Have you ever woke up one day feeling that it just wasn't going to be a good day?

That's how I felt this morning.

It's been two days since my conversation with Kenshin and I still have nightmares so horrible I have to get up from the bed and grab a glass of water before returning to sleep.

This morning, I woke up feeling this strange sensation in my stomach, telling me I was either with hungry or I shouldn't get up at all. I made the mistake of believing in the first option.

Enishi wasn't there already when I got up from the bed, but left a note saying that he was coming home for dinner today.

Good.

It all started after I glanced at my wrist clock and realized I had slept over. Transforming into a human tornado, I grabbed new fresh clothes from the wardrobe and entered the bathroom, cursing loudly after bumping one of my feet fingers in the door frame. I took a quick shower and dressed up fast, grabbing only an apple and leaving the apartment in a rush.

When I reached my job's building, I was sweating like a pig and out of breath.

Guess why?

Yep, I lost the bus so I had to run all the way there.

As soon as I stepped out of the elevator, Kari reached me and told me my boss wanted to see me. I grimaced, handing her my things and heading to his office, all the while cursing my luck.

The worst was coming though, and little did I know that, once I would step into his office, I would be stuck in there all morning, listening to his lecture about me being late, about my drawings not being enough, about how complicated it was to run a company such as his, about how he couldn't find his right tie this morning…and a lot more.

That's how I spent the morning.

When I was finally released from his paws, it was lunch time. The building was silent, with only a few people eating inside their own offices. My stomach rumbled and I realized I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday. I thought I could finally seat down and enjoy a peaceful moment.

But I wasn't that lucky.

I opened my purse, only to realize two really bad things.

One, I had only an apple inside my purse.

Two, I had forgotten my wallet back at home.

So much for a good lunch.

The rest of the afternoon was spent working, designing clothes after clothes, while dealing with a strong empty feeling in my stomach. Six o'clock finally came and I signed in relief, glad for ending this terrible day.

Or so I thought.

Since I always bring my bus pass along with my briefcase, I was able to return home buy bus.

Or at least some part of the way, since, about two minutes after being sit in a regular seat, a lady approached my insinuating I was seated on her place. I started arguing and ended up leaving the bus on the next stop.

Curse my day.

So, right now, I'm walking towards my house, all the while remembering the terrible events that happened to me today. I just want to go home, take off my shoes, which are killing me; take a warm bath, _eat_ and have a good night sleep.

A _very_ good night sleep.

I walk slowly through the park, wincing each time my right foot takes a step. I bet I have a couple of blisters forming at this moment. I just _had_ to bring these shoes…seems like nothing is going in my favour today…

The clouds above my head warn me of a possible stormy night as I make my way home. It would just be perfect, wouldn't it? A stormy night after a stormy day.

I wonder if people were acting the way they were today because of the weather? I read somewhere that many of our moods are caused by the drastic change of the weather. Not that it was sunny this morning, but maybe storms can change people's moods. They sure change mine. I hope there won't be any storms this night or I know I won't get any rest.

I hate storms. I stay awake the entire night glancing at the window, waiting for a lightening to burst into my room and frying me to death. Yeck…

My eyes finally reach the sight of my building and I sigh in relief. Finally, this day is over.

Once I step inside the elevator, I lean against its cold walls, waiting for it to stop at my floor. It stops shortly after and I step out of it, feeling strangely happy, as I place my keys inside the keyhole and open the door.

The sight in front of me darkens my mood once again.

My house is a _mess_. The dinner table still has Enishi's breakfast dishes. There are still folded clothes inside a basket placed on top of the couch. I bet the bathroom is disgusting and our room…well…

Why me?

And, to make things better, Enishi's not here yet.

Great…just great!

I close the door behind me, leaning against it. My eyes scan once more the state of my house, before landing on my wallet, smirking at me from the small table in front of the couch. I glare at it, walking to the object and grabbing it firmly.

"Even you were against me today…mou…"

With the small object now firmly held between my hands, I grab my bag and throw the wallet inside. Dropping the bag on a chair, I glance around one more time, silently deciding on where to start. My eyes drop to the dishes in front of me, deciding for me.

Kitchen first; then clothes in the living room; then bathroom and, lastly, the bedroom.

I clean the house absently, moving around like I'm in a catatonic state. I just can't believe what kind of a day I had. Is it possible for so many bad things to happen all at once? I'm glad nothing happened with my health…it would have been the final adding point to my terrible day. And to think I didn't do anything to anyone! I simply resumed myself…in breathing. All the people around me did the rest. Arguing over nothing.

A half an hour later, I'm cleaning the bedroom when I hear the front door open and closing seconds later.

Enishi's home.

His foot steps wander for a moment around the house, before heading my direction. At last, he reaches the room, dropping his backpack and sitting heavily on the chair in front of the desk.

"I'm so tired…" He says softly, closing his eyes.

I stare at him.

Hi! How're you? How was your day? Mine was terrible! Thank you for asking…

I don't bother to reply, so I continue my task, hanging the clothes inside the wardrobe. Honestly, I can't place what I'm feeling right now. He's right next to me and I still feel like I'm alone in this house. It's just…

I guess I expected some acknowledge coming from him. A simple question to know how _I_ am feeling.

Suddenly I feel my heart heavier than before, if that's even possible. I feel so…

Unwanted.

I mean, it seems like everyone could very well live their lives without my presence around them. My boss, my boyfriend…even that lady inside the bus…neither of them stopped one second to wonder how I was feeling in that moment. It's like…I wasn't even there. They only saw the body, not what is inside that shell.

If I died, they'd still live on as if nothing had happened.

Am I needed?

My chest tightens gradually as I become more and more absorbed in my thoughts.

Someone…save me…

Save me from myself.

"Kaoru?"

I blink twice at the sound of Enishi's voice, turning my head towards him.

"You dropped the shirt." He tells me shortly. Tiling my head slightly to the side, I fight the urge to snort loudly.

There goes his second chance to be nice today.

Bending down to grab the forgotten clothe, I fold it and place it inside the wardrobe, finishing my task in the room. I give him a small smile, before stepping out of the room with the big empty basket under my arm, heading to the kitchen. Dinner is not even started and I don't feel like cooking at all.

Again.

I turn suddenly to the sound of something vibrating. Tiling my head, I move slowly around the kitchen, trying to find the vibrating object. Entering the living room, my eyes search the area quickly before landing on Enishi's mobile phone, vibrating rapidly. I approach it casually, glancing at the corridor to see if he's coming. Maybe he's in the bathroom…

As soon as my fingers touch the damn vibrating thing, a big hand covers mine and snatches the object from my hands hastily. Taken aback with the attitude, I raise my eyes to Enishi's face, meeting a set of angry eyes.

What did I do now?

"What were you doing?" Enishi asks angrily.

I stare at his face, raising an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" Honestly, this day is starting to annoy me.

His face wrinkles in angry at my question. "Why were you touching my cell without my permission? I don't touch yours!"

"I was just grabbing it to give it to you! What is wrong with you?"

Is the entire world against me today?

He snorts. "What is wrong with me? I should ask _you_ that! Why are you touching my personal things?"

"Are you insane?" I ask him, raising my voice. "Last time I checked we were _fiancées_, you know? Which means we are living in the same house and _sharing_ our lives! What is wrong with me touching your cell? It's not like I answered it!"

"Even if we're sharing our lives, there are some things that remain personal! Like my cellular!"

I shake my head, not believing in what I'm listening. "Why are you making such a fuss around this anyway?" I ask incredulously. "Do you have something to hide from me?"

Enishi clenches his jaw, running a hand through his hair. "Don't start thinking stupid things!"

"Are they stupid? I don't know, 'cause right now, you cheating on me is the only explanation to your behaviour!"

"Me cheating? I wasn't the one walking around the park, posing to some stranger while he draws me!" He shouts harshly.

I close my eyes at that. "Yes…jump right into my nightmare, the water is warm…" I mutter to myself.

"Am I lying?"

It's my time to snort. "No, you aren't, but I explained you everything about the painting! You know who he is! I even let you hang the painting wherever you wanted! And you start arguing with me just because I touched your damn mobile phone!" The words come out of my mouth and I feel my chest burn intensely.

"It is _my_ cell phone! It has my things, my contacts, nothing for you to see in there!"

"I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!" I shout at him, feeling hot tears emerge in my eyes. "You know what? Fuck this! I'm going to sleep." I tell him, heading to my room.

"What about dinner?" I hear him ask.

Jerk.

"Order something." I tell him, not bothering to face him.

"What has gotten into you today?" I'm still able to listen before closing the door behind me. Leaning against it, I close my eyes, fighting back the tears threatening to fall.

"What is wrong? Everything…" I whisper, letting out a sob. Little by little, I feel the moistened feeling rolling down my cheeks. Slowly, I make my way to the bed, sitting heavily on its edge.

What in the world happened today?

Did someone send me a bad omen?

I really don't know what's going on…and I'm feeling miserable.

My eyes drop to the phone placed on top of my bed-side-table. I stare at it for a moment, before grabbing it and dial a number.

'Hi! We're not home, so leave a message!' Misao's voice sounds through the speaker, followed by the distinct sound of the recording beep. I open my mouth to say something, but no words are found right now.

What am I going to say? 'Hi, I'm glad you're out there having fun while I'm here all alone!'?

I hang up the call, slowly allowing myself to slip to the ground until I'm sitting on the floor with my back against the bed. Clenching the phone against my chest, I stare at the darkness of the room, lighted only by the moon's light coming from the window.

Like the darkness of the room, I feel my soul being consumed by darkness, as I slowly crumble down into pieces.

"Hello loneliness…"

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N:** AHHH; I'VE REACHED 100 REVIEWS! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I wanna thank to my mom, my brother, my sis, my grandma, my cat, my grandma's dog, my boyfriend, my father, my friends, my neighbours, the garbage man…lol, just kidding! I want to thank you READERS, because without you, it wouldn't even be possible to achieve such number! It is your words that define a writer's path and I'm so very honoured to know that my story, this particular story, is able to touch you hearts! Thank you so much for always being there and thank you to the newest reviewers, who also made possible my entrance into the hundreds! THANKS!

**To the reviewers:**

**royal blueKitsune** Lol, I think I have to apologize to everyone for the over angst chapter I've wrote, but it was highly needed so that everyone would understand a little bit more of Kenshin. I'm glad you liked their moment together, even if they aren't still involved, which is obvious since she's engage with Enishi. And what about this chapter? I'd like to know your opinion? Did you like it? Was their fight realistic enough? Read and review, okay? Thank you for your words! Bye bye!

**crasyducky **I know it was depressing…(shame on me)…I tried to lessen the angst but, when I read it, I couldn't see what to delete from the story…so…anyway…I'm glad you liked it! Thank so much for being a present reviewer! What did you think of this chapter? Tell me your opinion! Bye bye!

**Chikifriend** Hello Chiki-san! About my note and your note (LOL) over my apology if I offended your culture in any way, I'm happy to read that you were not. I hate to mess things up. And I totally understand you when you read something incorrect about your culture…hey, I hate when people think Portugal is part of Spain. WE'RE NOT! WE'RE INDEPENDET AND FOUGHT HARD FOR IT! Ahem…anyway…hihihi, I'm glad I overcome the smiling issue…it was really bothering me…I think they don't smile much in this chapter…then again, it's not a very 'sunny' chapter ' I am so honoured to read you saying I was able to capture your emotions that deeply. It is really, honto ni, very much amazing to me to know that people enjoy what I write and understand the meaning of everything I'm trying to express with this story I hope you liked this chapter! Bye bye and thank you for your constant support!

**TinyTerry** Haha, thank you so much! I'm glad my story holds so much excitement! Tell me what you thought of this chapter! Thank you for your words and, please, do read and review! Bye bye!

**Neko-Yuff16** Lolol…oh my God, I'm so sorry! (smiles sheepishly) I know I overreacted with the angst thing…I must control myself! I'm glad you liked the chapter! What about this one? Please, leave a comment, ne? Oh, and as for the pic, YESSS, I'd like very much to see it! I actually have a file totally reserved for K/K pics…hehehe I'm also an avid fan of K/K, can't you tell? Hihi Bye bye!

**piratica : **I'm so honoured to see a new reader reviewing my story! Thank you so much! I'm glad you agree with me for not including Tomoe. I think exactly like you…that whole thing about Kenshin killing Tomoe and receiving the scar…it's so overwritten ne? I'm very happy to read your words! Please, tell me what you think of this chapter! Bye bye! Oh, and Kenji does not die in the series…

**kawaiimeeh : **Thank you so much. You know, when a writer receives a review from someone new is such a warm up feeling, because you realize that what you're writing is captivating, not only you regular readers, but new people as well. I thank you for your kind words. I'm very happy to see that you enjoyed my last chapter! Please tell me what you thought of this chapter! Bye bye!

**Kean** Agnes is happy! You know why? Because I'm glad you were able to understand the reason I didn't include Tomoe in this fic. Since this is a fanfiction, I just didn't want to be killing the poor woman again and again. Ever notice how many times Tomoe is killed? A MILLION if you count with all the fanfics! Hehe, anyway, thank you for your words! Read and Review! Bye bye!

**Peachie-Chan** Hehe, I'm glad you aren't mad. It's just that, sometimes, there are some sentences our readers write that just fit perfectly into the story! And we kind of…borrow them for our personal use (shame on me) hehe, I'm lad you liked the chapter! Please tell me what you think of this one! About your story, I have to apologize for not leaving any review or not emailing you, but it has been a rather erratic week and I was only able to read the first two chapters. And I must tell you I found myself laughing at some sentences I'll continue reading it and then I'll tell you something, okay? I'm honoured you asked _me_ to give you some pointers…(blushes)…after all, I'm just an apprentice :D Thank you for your words! Bye bye!

**animeobsessed3191** Sometimes I get that feeling while I'm reading certain fics. I just wish the write would update everyday so that I could keep reading the story! I'm just glad you feel that towards my story thank you! Please tell me what you think of this chapter! Bye bye!

**Animal Lover : **Thanks! I hope you keep reading! Kisses!

**Reignashii** Haha, I guess now you hate Enishi even more than before! He was really a jerk in this chapter. I know Kenji is their son…but…I decided to name the kid Kenji. After all, it's not the same Kenji since this one was from Kenshin and Suki and the real one is from my favourite couple of all times…K/K…Keep on reading and reviewing! Kisses!

**RogueSummersLover** Lol, I don't hate you! As if I would hate someone for expressing their opinion! Nonsense! But let me just tell you something: I know Kenshin was married with Tomoe and that Kenji is K/K son but…Enishi isn't Kaoru's boyfriend in the series neither is Misao a doctor…neither is Kenshin a doctor or Kaoru a stylist…that's why this is fanfiction, ne? hehe, anyway, I'm glad you liked the chapter! Bye bye!

**WhiteRabbit5** Haha, maybe you were the only one already knowing Kenshin wasn't still married. Judging my many of the reviews, I surprised some people! Yes, in Kenshin's case, it was kind of obvious they're going to fall apart…Their relationship is slowly rising, but it will be one slowly step at the time. Tell me what you thought of this chapter! Was the fight realistic enough? Bye bye and thank you for always reviewing!

**Tameka-tanuki-jouchan** Hey! I'm happy you liked the chapter! Indeed, K/K relationship is slowly starting to form, but the process won't be easy and we all want to see if they'll be strong enough to endure the path in front of them…life. Thank you for your words! Tell me what you think of this chapter! Bye bye!

And that's all folks!

Bye! Ja ne! Ciao! Adeus!

Agnes.


	13. Therapy

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Twelve: Therapy  
**

"I've been taking four pills a day lately."

"Oh Kaoru…again? I thought we were over the pills."

I sigh heavily, leaning against the black leather couch. "I know, but I can't help it!"

My psychiatrist looks at me with professional eyes. "What is wrong Kaoru?"

My eyes advert from her face, taking a moment to scan the so familiar room. The same furniture, the same colours, nothing has change in here. Maybe that's what makes me feel so comfortable when I'm in here. To know that it didn't change. To know that…time seems to have stop. Just me and my doctor, away from the crazy world outside.

"Kaoru?"

I blink, turning to her once again. "Hai?"

"What were you thinking just now?" She asks quietly.

"Your furniture?" I offer her.

She arches an eyebrow, making the corners of my lips turn up ever so slightly. I know this wasn't the answer she was expecting. But I _was_ thinking about her furniture…

"Tell me Kaoru. Why have you been taking pills fours times a day?"

I stare at her for a moment, pondering on what to say. I've been taking pills because:

a) I'm a hypochondriac?

b) I can't seem to control my latest fear?

c) I've met someone amazing and he's giving me all these peaceful moments and, at the same time, a humongous headache?

d) Enishi?

I sigh. "Enishi."

Keiko-san tiles her head, after scrabbling something on her notebook. "What's going on?"

I snort. "If only I knew…"

"But why are you saying that? What is his behaviour?"

"He's been all distant from me, working almost twenty-four hours a day! Not that he's responsible for that but, when he actually comes home, he could at least show some sort of affection towards me, but no, he never does it! He just arrives, says hello, when he says it, and resumes to the bedroom complaining about being tired." I pause, shaking my head. "Do you believe we had a fight yesterday over a cell phone?" I ask, raising my eyes to meet her.

"A cell? How come?"

"I don't know, he just…freaked out! I was in the kitchen when I heard his phone vibrating. Since he wasn't coming, I thought he couldn't hear the phone and was about to grab it to hand it over when he appeared out of thin air and snatched the object from my hands and just started arguing with me, glaring and talking loudly, demanding what I was about to do and saying that his phone was personal and that I didn't have the right to touch it or see what's in it…I didn't even touch the damn thing!" I tell her all in one breath.

Sighing deeply, I wait for her to stop scrabbling madly in the paper. I must have talked really fast…oops…

Keiko-san finishes writing and scans the paper for a moment, before raising her eyes to me. "Tell me, what do you think of his behaviour?"

"I don't know…" I pause. "I mean, I'm afraid to think about the possible reason behind his act."

"What is the reason?"

I hesitate on the answer. "I…eh…what do you think?"

"You have to reach to the answer by yourself Kaoru."

I sigh heavily. "Can't you stop being a professional for a second?"

Keiko-san gives me a small grin. "No."

I roll my eyes. "Thanks…"

"Seriously, have you confronted yourself with a possible explanation for his behaviour?"

"Yes…I even asked him…more like accused him…"

"Accused him of what?"

I glance at my hands, resting peacefully on top of my belly. "Betrayal."

"Do you believe he's betraying you?"

"Well, I don't _want_ to believe…and I think he'd tell me if he was doing something like that but…what other explanation can you find?"

"Only you can answer that question."

I snort softly. "There you are again. And you're supposed to help me find my answers!"

"I am helping you." She tells me, pausing for a moment. "What did he say when you asked him that?"

I roll my eyes. "He said I was thinking stupid things."

"Do you think you are?"

Sighing, I rub my temples with two fingers. "I don't know…I hope I am." I tell her softly.

Keiko-san stops writing and look up at me. "Kaoru, let me ask you something. But I want you to be really honest with me, okay?"

I nod.

"Is the relationship you have with Enishi the one you dreamt for your life?"

I blink, absorbing her question and pondering on the answer.

I realize that I've never thought about that before. I've never stop to wonder if this relationship is what I want for life. I resumed to live each day, relishing the moments we're together, not pausing to think that, maybe, I could be in a different and pleasanter relationship.

'_If you died tomorrow, would you be in peace with yourself?'_

Kenshin's voice assaults my mind as I replay his question that day at the park.

'_Would you lay down and rest peacefully with the life you've lived so far? Or would you wonder how your life could have been if only you had let yourself be happy?'_

Let myself be happy…

Am I happy with Enishi?

Is he my prince charming?

Or my chosen fiancée?

I continue staring at the navy blue carpet laying under my feet. Confusion rises in my mind and I feel, once again, the same lack of breath as I've been feeling for a couple of days. My hand reached my chest, clenching in a fist as I furrow my brows.

"Kaoru?" Keiko-san's voice snaps me to reality and I let go of the breath I've been holding longer than I should. I look up at her, biting my lower lip anxiously.

I hate being under stress…

"It's okay…I wasn't expecting for you to answer me that easily. If you did, you wouldn't be here looking for answers." She tells me quietly. "But I do want you to do something for our next session."

I watch as she leans forward with a sheet of paper and a pen, placing them on top of the small dark wood table disposed between the couch where I'm sitting and her big comfy chair. Instinctively I lean forward too, glancing curiously at the still clean sheet.

Keiko-san looks at me. "This is what I want you to do." She tells me, drawing a vertical long line and writing 'Good' and 'Bad' on top of each side.

I furrow my brows.

"You'll spend a moment pondering about your relationship. As you're thinking about it, I want you to write the 'goods' and the 'bads' of your relationship with Enishi. After writing everything, you'll analyse what you wrote until you reach to a conclusion which you'll tell me the next time you come here. Okay?"

"A conclusion?"

She nods. "Yes. You'll be able to tell me the answer to my question after you do this."

I glance at the paper set in front of me. "What will I do when I find out the answer?"

"That is something only you can decide."

"Do you know what my answer will be?" I ask, looking at her.

Keiko-san only shrugs. "Perhaps. But I want you to reach to the conclusion by yourself. I want you to be able to analyse the situation fairly and without any outsider's opinion."

I sigh once again, giving a small nod. "Okay, I'll do it."

"I know you will." She leans back into her chair, tossing some of her dark brown hair behind her shoulder. "So, Enishi's the only cause to your sudden necessity of taking four pills again? How've you been dealing with your hypochondria? "

I fight the urge to growl.

She just _had_ to bring that up…

Grabbing a lock of my hair between my fingers, I answer mildly. "Fine."

"Fine?"

I nod a little too quickly.

She tiles her head. "I noticed you're thinner. Are you eating?"

"Yes."

"What was your breakfast?"

I roll my eyes. "You're sounding like Misao."

"What was your breakfast Kaoru?"

I glance around before answering her. "An apple."

Geez I feel like I'm a four year old kid that was caught not eating lunch.

Keiko-san gives me a stern look. Oh…here it comes… "Your breakfast was an apple?"

"Yes."

"Are you on a diet?"

"What-? No! I just wasn't hungry!"

Keiko-san looks at me suspiciously. "You usually eat bread in the morning."

I shrug. "Well, I didn't feel like eating today."

"What do you think it's in the bread Kaoru?"

"Nothing." How can she read me _that_ easily?

She places her notebook on the table in front of us and crosses her arms. "I think we had this conversation before. I can't help you if you don't open up completely to me."

I open my mouth but close it right away.

"What do you think it's in the bread Kaoru?" She asks me again, pressing on the matter.

I glance at my wrist clock.

Isn't this supposed to be over already?

Looking at her, I sigh. "I think there's something else in the bread, okay?"

"What do you mean 'something else'?"

I hesitate on what to say. "I…I'm afraid there's…I don't know…poison inside the fleur…or something like that and…just…I just…"

"And you'll die as soon as you bite it?"

Staring at the carpet, I nod slowly.

Keiko-san grabs her notebook and writes down some notes. Then, her voice directs me once again. "Is this the real reason behind the amount of pills?"

"One of them."

"I thought you were able to fight much of those fears by now…" She tells me softly. "Do you know why you can't seem to fight them without the help of the tranquilizers?"

"No."

She says nothing and rises from her chair, causing me to look up. She walks to her desk and places her notebook on top of it. Turning to me, she motions me to rise from the couch.

"We finish here today, okay? But I want that homework done for the next session." She tells me, grabbing my hands and giving them a squeeze.

I smile appreciatively at the woman before me, who has given me much support through all the terrible moments of my life. I can't do nothing but thank her for everything. "Okay…I won't forget." I tell her, dropping my hands from her while bending over to grab my purse, dropped lazily on top of the couch.

"Ano, Kaoru." Keiko-san starts again, and I turn to her. "Let me try something before you go…okay?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"I want you to close your eyes and relax. Then, I wish for you to describe in only one word every name I say, okay?"

I nod, closing my eyes, feeling comfortable with this exercise since I've heard of him several times before. You just let your unconscious answer for itself the questions asked.

"Alright, remember, only one word." She reminds me once again. "Sky."

"Blue."

"Earth."

"Wide."

"Air."

"Fresh."

"Sun."

"Light."

"Night."

"Loneliness."

"Tree."

"Life."

"Water."

"Cleanness´."

"War."

"Senseless."

"Peace."

"Kenshin."

As the name falls from my lips, I feel my breath being caught in my chest once again.

_Nani?

* * *

_

To Be Continued…

A/N: Okay…I'm not pleased with this chapter at all. I'm very sorry. I just…was stuck with it for so long that the end was miserable…anyway…I hope you don't find it too bad…

On to the reviewers!

**Chikifriend**LOL! I guess it was kind of…a picturesque situation P I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter Chiki-san. I am fearing peoples comments about this one thought…I think I've read it too many times right now…I just can't find it good. Anyway, I hope I'm wrong. But do tell be honestly, okay? Thank you of your constant support! Ja mata Chiki-san!

**crasyducky** Hehe! I'm glad you liked my last chapter! I'm sorry to read that you are feeling some sort of the same feelings Kaoru's feeling. You see…I've read somewhere that every single person in the world experiences a depression once in it's life! Isn't that kind of…depressing? Lol…so terrible…anyway, I'm so happy you liked my last chapter and I sincerely hope you enjoy this one two. Please leave your comment, ne? Thank you for your review! Big kisses!

**Reignashii** Hahaha, I agreed that I'm making some people hating Enishi more than they already do. I guess I'm being a little evil since I'm exploring his character so much…P But he's an essential piece to this story. I'm glad you liked last chapter! Keep reviewing, please! Bye bye!

**Neko-Yuff16** LOL, Kenshin is Kaoru's saviour, no doubt, but I also want to show that, sometimes, we just wish for things that, for some bad reason, don't end up happening! I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think! Bye bye!

**reader-kikilala** Hello my dear! I am always very happy to receive a review from you, as you know ) As you see…I've updated…I just hope you enjoy it…I don't like it that much. I think I spent too many time staring at the chapter that everything just stop making sense…do you ever feel that? Anyway…I'm thankful for your support! Please tell me what you think about this one! Bye bye dear!

**Peachie-Chan** You're welcome about me reviewing your story! I must apologize, though, for I haven't said anything for a while now, but…I just had some major problems, including my writers block regarding this chapter…But I am willing to give you my support for everything ) Thank you for always reviewing! I hope you're pleased with this chapter! Please, do review and tell me your opinion! Bye bye!

**Just call me Blue** Thanks for your words! I hope you like this chapter! Review! Bye bye!

**WhiteRabbit5** Yes…bad days are incredibly annoying…I do not find Kaoru as noisy as everyone picks her to be. I just think she's always extremely worried about everyone's around her well being and she just wants to please them all…like last chapter, she just wanted to help and hand the cell to Enishi. But he misjudged the situation and…well…was stupid ) I'm so happy to read that I'm able to make people feel exactly what Kaoru's feeling ) I'm really very happy to know that! I just hope I didn't disappoint you with this one! Please tell me what you think! Bye bye and thank you for your constant support! Bye bye!

**kawaii meeh** Hello! I know it is kind of confusing watch someone making such a fuss over a cell phone…but trust me…I know a person who's just like this. And, he's not cheating anyone…he isn't even involved in a relationship. He's just…extremely picky about his things…' so strange, ne? Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! Please leave you comment on this one! Bye bye!

**animeobsessed3191** Thank you for your kind words ) I really liked your review…I am glad I can please people with what I write and I do hope I hand't disappointed anyone with this chapter. Please, do tell me what you thought of this one! Kisses!

**royal blueKitsune** Hehe…I'm sorry it took so long…and it doesn't answer to many questions…but this conversation with her shrink was necessary so that people would understand something more about Kaoru ) I hope you liked it! Review! Bye bye!

**TinyTerry** LOL…I am being kind of evil exploring Enishi's character like that but, as I've said to another reader, he's an essential part of this story and the plot will develop from the triangle existing between him, Kaoru and Kenshin, even though neither are aware of that. Thank you for your words! Keep reading and reviewing! Bye bye!

And that's it guys!

But today, I have a request to make. I'd like to know your opinion about my first story 'We Were Meant To Each Other'. I'm not sure about if I should continue writing it or not…If you could please leave me a note on that, I'd appreciate )

Thank you all!

Bye! Ja ne! Ciao! Adeus!

Agnes.


	14. GoodBad

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Thirteen: Good/Bad**

Hot.

Burning flames deep inside.

I'm suffocating.

Someone…please.

My eyes shot wide open as my mouth opens abruptly to breathe. Gasping for air, I bring my hand to my chest, where the burning doesn't seem to be real anymore. Sweat covers my entire body, making me shiver against the soft breeze coming from the window.

What's going on?

I must have been dreaming…

Glancing to my left, I notice Enishi is no longer there. Now that I think about it, I haven't seen him since our fight. He's been working all the time. Yawning, I slide out of the comfort of my bed, stretching my limbs as I make my way to the kitchen. Finally I feel air filling my lungs, a wonderful relief after a few moments of pure angst.

I wonder why I can't seem to remember the subject of my dream…

I have been thinking about the exercise Keiko-san asked me to do. Can we really analyse a relationship dividing the goods and bads? It's like solving a math's problem, only we are not numbers. I'm not sure I'll be able to do that…but I'll give it a try…

Dressing something casual, it's time to clean the house. It's amazing how dirty the place can be at the end of a week. Especially if there's only _one_ person cleaning it… I really should talk with Enishi about this. His reluctance in helping me doing some chores is really starting to bother me.

Blink.

Wow…I just found one 'bad'. Maybe it won't be _that_ difficult…

After a couple of hours, my task is finally over and I lay on my belly, looking at a sheet of paper disposed in front of me. So comfortable in my room, I struggle to start writing down the goods and bads of our relationship. Or the goods and bads of Enishi.

Let's see…Our relationship is…great.

No, not great.

It's complicated. Because…there're some things that aren't right.

That's not an explanation.

Focus Kaoru!

Okay…Enishi is…handsome. Is that a quality to our relationship? Hum…it must be.

'Handsome' written down on 'good' column.

He is…gentle…and…

Why is it so difficult to find his qualities? Damn…

He's not jealous, which is great. He trusts me—

Well…he didn't exactly trust me to touch his cell phone but…I guess he trusts me.

Enishi doesn't cook, clean or fix anything, which can be _very_ annoying. And that thing he had of not listening to what I'm saying is so…sometimes…incredibly frustrating.

He's gentle but careless. He doesn't wonder where I am or how I am. We barely have intimacy lately, which is causing a distance between us. I miss him, I guess. Or maybe I just simply miss someone, whether is Enishi or even Misao. I'm simply tired of being alone.

The thing that it's really bothering me is that, I've lived with Enishi for a long time now, and I never stopped for one second to think about any of this…

So why now?

I have no idea…

Keiko-san I'd find my answers but I'm just asking more and more questions. Maybe my problem doesn't have an end. Maybe it's really as Kenshin said…I'm afraid of being happy. I'm afraid to fight and face reality. I'm afraid of everything that surrounds me.

The question is…when exactly was my turning point? Ten years ago? Longer? Sooner?

Questions and more questions…

Glancing down at the paper, I analyse what I wrote until now.

'Handsome', 'Gentle', 'Not jealous', 'trustful' to 'Good' column.

'Doesn't cook', 'doesn't clean', 'doesn't fix', 'doesn't listen', 'careless', 'lack of intimacy' to 'Bad' side.

Hum…not a very positive result so far.

I sigh, laying my head on top of my left arm. This is proving to be difficult after all. Or maybe…I'm not looking for a positive result and this is the answer Keiko-san wanted me to find. But what is the answer?

That Enishi has goods and bads?

Everyone has goods and bads. Look at me! I have a _lot_ of bads…and I really doubt Enishi has ever done something like this. This is ridiculous…maybe the problem is not even in him but in me. I never looked at that point but it might be true. I'm a weird person and I can be creating all this problems for some reason I'm not familiar with.

I am startled out of my thoughts but the ringing of my phone. Not bothering to answer it, I close my eyes and wait for the answering machine to pick up. After a few more rings, my recorded voice answers for me.

'Hello, you've reach Kaoru and Enishi's house. We're not here at the moment so just leave a message and one of us will call you later!'

I really, _really_ must change this…

"Hum…hello?"

My eyes shot wide open.

"This is Himura Kenshin speaking."

Oh…my…AH! Kaoru get up! UP!

But my frozen body refuses to accomplish the order.

"Ano…I don't know who will listen to this message, and…I do hope I'm not over stepping my rights." There's a pause. "I was just…wondering if- if Kamiya-san could return my call…hum…to his number." Another pause follows. "Well, I- I guess…that's all. Good morning!"

The distinct 'pi' sounds through the speaker and the call is over.

My body is frozen, my lungs refuse to work, my heart is beating faster than it should and my mind has stop thinking for a moment now.

He…did he just…

…called me? As in…asking for _me_?

How did he found my number?

Oh Kaoru, what are you thinking about? He actually calls you and you're wondering how he got your number? Be happy he did!

Oh my, oh my, oh my!

Suddenly I mentally hit myself.

Breathe Kaoru.

As slowly as a snail, I let fresh air enter my system just as I feel my body starting to work.

I blink.

What on earth was the Kamiya Kaoru? All that freaking behaviour just because he called you?

Who is he? Buddha?

And what are you? A teenager, who falls head over heels just because some boy actually know your number?

Behave like a woman, because that's what you are! A grown up _woman_. Fantasies are for young people.

Focus Kaoru! What do you have to do?

Finish the exercise Keiko-san sent me.

I lean to the paper but my hand stops right before writing something down that I'm not even aware.

My gaze lifts to my bedroom door.

Shouldn't I answer him back? Maybe if I wait too long he'll give up or…Enishi may arrive and listen. Not that it has something bad in it. Neither does he bothers to check the answering machine. But anyway…

"Better do something now." I mutter, rising from the bed and marching quickly to the living room.

Sitting on the sofa, I take a deep breath. He said to answer to the number he called from. I press the button to replay the massage, so that the number appears once again.

My heart bumps quickly in my chest at the sound of his voice. He's nervous…he stutters so much…

Writing his number down, I sigh.

"What am I going to say?"

And why am I nervous? He could just want to talk with me to know if Enishi is better. They were, after all, best friends…

With shaking fingers, I press the numbers and wait for him to answer. Each ring contributes to my nervous state. After three rings, his voice sounds through the speaker.

"Hello?"

I open my mouth to answer but no sound comes out. Trust my voice to fail at the most crucial time!

"Hello?" He doesn't know who it is.

Baka! Of course he doesn't! Your number is private!

"Hello Kenshin-san." I find my voice at last.

"H-Hello Kaoru-san." He pauses. "I see you got my message…"

I feel my face getting warmer by the second. "Yes…I just got home and listened to your message." Be formal. Not nervous. He's not asking you to marry him. "You wanted to speak with me for some reason?"

He coughs lightly. "Aa, indeed. I was wondering if you'd like to…take a walk to the park…?"

I blink. "A walk?"

"Yes…I just…wanted to talk with you again. Pardon for my boldness but the truth is…I really enjoy our conversations Kaoru-san."

My mouth forms a grin and I'm positive my face is like a tomato. "I really like talking to you too." I pause. "Sure Kenshin-san, I'd like very much to have a walk to the park. When were you thinking?"

"I was thinking we could meet tomorrow, after work."

I think for a moment. "Around five thirty just like the other time?"

"Yes…perfect. I'll see you there. Have a good day Kaoru-san."

"You too Kenshin-san."

The call is over and I stare at the phone in my hands. Feeling the corner of my lips rising slowly, I let myself fall on to the couch, giving a loud chuckle. I know I'm behaving like a young girl again but right now I can care less.

I do feel like a teenager. And it sure feels absolutely fantastic. To feel this emotions stir inside my belly and having my heart flipping unsteadily. I don't know why I am feeling this nor do I care. The only certain I have is that it's been like…years since a man asked me out. Well, it's not a date, we're just walking to the park as friends but it sure feels good.

My musings are interrupted once again by the ringing of my phone.

Who could it be now?

As soon as I pick up the phone, an energetic and high pitched voice assaults my ear.

"Hey you! Forgot about your friend already? It's been like ages since we last spoke!"

I sigh, shaking my head. "Hi Misao. I'm sorry for not calling you sooner, but it hadn't been ages. We were together a couple of days ago!"

"Yadda yadda, that's not important and it was not my reason to call you." She pauses. It's amazing as I can picture her waving her hand in dismissal. Misao has this ability to not hold a matter for long. "Aoshi and I are going out for dinner tonight and we want you to come with us."

I open my mouth to answer but Misao interrupts me. "And don't even come up with excuses because they won't be successful tonight. So pick up a good cloth because we are going out. And don't bother to explain why Enishi isn't coming with you. I could care less…"

I roll my eyes at that. "I know that Misao. And how did you know he wasn't coming?"

"Please…when has he?"

I pause. "Never…okay, you've made your point. Where are we going anyway?"

"Somewhere fancy Aoshi didn't want to tell me, but I bet is romantic…" And I bet she is twirling a lock of her hair in her finger.

"Hum, are you sure I should go? I don't want to intrude…"

"Don't be ridiculous Kaoru! Since when do you intrude?"

"Maybe when he was planning a romantic dinner for the two of you and I just drop from a parachute into your lovely and romantic night?" I point out. Really, I'm not suitable to be a candle light.

She sighs on the other side of the line. "Kaoru, he actually mentioned your name even before I asked him if you could come too, so don't start making excuses! We'll be picking you up around…seven thirty?"

"Okay…" No point arguing.

"Great! And don't forget, dress fancy 'cause we are having a night!"

"You're so full of energy Misao. I have no idea how you do that…even after being the entire week treating sick people, you still find the humour and energy to go out and do fun things."

"Ne, why should I be unhappy? I have a professional life I love, a great house, great friends and a fantastic fiancée who loves me beyond everything!"

Her words fall hard like a rock into my brain. She's so fortunate…"Yes…I guess you're right. You have everything you ever wanted."

"I'm just lucky. You'll have your wishes come true too."

I blink. "Huh? Who was talking about me?"

"No one, but I did. Anyway, I have to start dressing all over. What colour are you wearing?"

I chuckle. "I don't know yet…why do you ask?"

"Just to know…hehe! Well, I'll se ya later! Ja mata!"

"Ja ne Misao-chan!"

"Mou don't call me that!"

"Hai hai!"

And the call is over. I place the phone back in its place while thinking for a moment about the last events of my life.

Wow, two invitations in the same day! Am I wanted or not?

Rising from the couch, I make my way to my room, shaking my head slightly.

After some loneliness, I seem to be requested once again.

* * *

To Be Continued…

A/N: Hi! (Dodges tomatoes) HEY WHO THROW THAT! I've updated didn't I? (Dodges some eggs) Oi, not the eggs! I know you asked for me to update soon, and I'm terribly sorry for just updating now…but it really was impossible for me to finish this chapter any sooner. Still, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Nothing much happens, yet again, but at least some plans are made, ne? Anyway…I hope you're not too mad at me for not updating any sooner and, on top of it all, updating a chapter where nothing much happens…So, that's all!

On to the reviewers:

**FromTheAshes**Hello! I'm so happy to see new readers! I'm very honoured that you find my story interesting and I do hope you like this chapter! Please, tell me what you think of it! Thank you so much for your nice review! Bye bye!

**kawaii meeh** Hello there! I kind of fear your reaction to this chapter since you were honest with me last chapter and shared my opinion of nothing happening. Well…this chapter wasn't many different, was it? Saving the fact that Kenshin and Misao called, there wasn't any action and I do apologize for it…I'm wondering what you thought of this chapter and I hope to read from you soon! Bye bye!

**Corporate Lullabies** Hi! I'm glad to read another new reviewer! I'm happy you like my story and even more pleased to know that writing skills seemed to have improved, ne? Thank you so much for you nice words! Leave your opinion about this chapter, okay? Thank you so much! Kisses!

**Chikifriend** Hello Chiki-san! It's always so good to read your reviews! To know that I can please you with my story is an honour, since you're one of the greatest writers of the world of Rurouni Kenshin. I'm glad you enjoyed last chapter. I do hope you find this one good too, although, once again, there isn't much happening, even though Kenshin made his appearance…well…sort of…anyway, I'm hoping to read your opinion on this chapter! Stay well Chiki-san! Thank you for the constant support! Ja mata!

**Jess-chan of the Nya Nya Neko** Hello! It's always fantastic to know that people find our work pleasant, ne? I was very happy when I read your review, especially to know that I was able to achieve something not many can: leave you speechless. I'm very honoured. Thank you for your nice words and for your offer. Regarding that, I'd like to know if you find many flaws or grammar mistakes in my story? If so, please, do tell me so that I can think better of that proof-reading thing…Thank you! Review this one, ne? Bye bye!

**reader-kikilala** My dear reader-kikilala, what would I be without your extraordinary reviews? How they inspire me to continue with this work, you have no idea. First of all I want to thank you for your constant support and your amazing reviews that always make me think and analyse my own words and thoughts. Always giving me ideas to following chapters and different visions of my characters and their problems. I do hope you enjoyed this new chapter, as I know you really wanted it to come out. I just hope I didn't disappoint anyone. Even if there wasn't much action, I found this chapter essential so that the readers could understand more of Kaoru's dilemma. Do you think it was the right choice? Thank you for always supporting me :) I do hope to read your opinion about this chapter! Bye bye! I'll see you in email hehe :)

**crasyducky** I'm glad to be able to reach readers to the point when they understand what I'm feeling. It's just that…ever got that time when you're looking at your chapter and you feel there's something more you want to write in it but it just doesn't' come out? And you end up spending almost a month or more trying to figure it out until you give up and get the feeling that the chapter isn't good enough. That's what happened with me these last two chapters. Well, this one wasn't exactly that but…still…I'm so glad to be able to always count with your nice reviews! Thank for always being there! Bye bye!

**animegurl23:** Haha, I'm glad you liked the chapter and the game! It's actually a very funny game to play, even if you're not trying to find your boyfriend's flaws hehe Thank you for leaving a review! I do hope you leave one as well! Kisses!

**Ginny-cry** Oh my, so it was you who throw the tomatoes! Haha, just kidding! I'm sorry for leaving you hanging like that and for taking so long to update the next chapter but life isn't always as we want and there were some things that came first that the story. Anyway, the chapter is out and I do hope to hear your opinion. Bye bye!

**WhiteRabbit5** Hello again! As always, I'm so happy to read your reviews :) I'm glad you enjoyed last chapter. I confess I find this chapter very similar to the last chapter…at least Kenshin made his appearance, ne? I want to know what you think of this chapter. I'm aware that maybe my readers are starting to find my story boring since there hadn't been much action in the past chapters, but I do promise the action is starting (winks). About my OC, I was inspired by my cousin's psychiatrist. She is really nice and very human. Imagine that, even after my cousin being cured from her major depression, they are still talking with each other. My cousin just needs to grab her cell phone, call her psychiatrist and they'll talk until my cousin feels better. No cost charged. She's really a great person. Currently Kaoru is really in the state of denial. She already knows the conclusion but denies the fact that she may have to do about it, to make a decision about it. And she want that so she's kind of making excuses about the entire situation so that life itself makes the decision and not her. Confusing? Anyway…I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Bye bye!

**Reignashii** Hahaha, I just can't help but laugh every time I read your reviews! I know I'm torturing you by having Kaoru and Enishi still engaged…BUT…let's look on the bright side of the story! Kenshin finally made his move and asked Kaoru for a walk through the park…hum…let's see what happens, ne? Let me know what you thought of this chapter! Bye bye!

**Neko-Yuff16** I love that game…because you actually start saying the first thing that comes out of your mouth and, sometimes, the truth you want so badly to hide comes out and…well…you can imagine what can happen hehe I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Bye bye!

**Peachie-Chan** Hello! I'm glad you enjoyed my therapy session (grins) at least you didn't find it boring…how did you find this one though? The story is getting kind of boring to you? I do promise that action is about to start. Enishi's strange behaviour will be explained further along the story. Believe me, he has a reason for being this strange and I shall not reveal the reason until its time hehe Tell me what you think of this chapter! My writer's block has been put to sleep, although sometimes it likes to wake up and make me angry hehe Hope to read from you soon! Kisses!

**fluffy-sama's worshiper** Hello! I'm very happy that you find my story pleasant. I expected people to find my story very strange and different from the others since I gave Kaoru a disease which she doesn't have in the series. At least not this one. This disease makes my Kaoru weak which the real Kaoru is absolutely not weak. But I'm glad you liked it! I hope you liked this one too! Bye bye!

**animeobsessed3191** Hi! Thank you for your nice words! I'm so happy to read that my reviewers enjoyed my chapters, especially those chapters I doubted their performance…but I'm glad you liked it! How did you find this one? Please, tell me what you think! Bye bye!

**ChildlikeEmpress** Hello there! Tahnk you for your nice review! It's always so good to read a review from a new reader! I'm glad you liked my story! English is my second language as I am Portuguese. But my mother is an English teacher so I learnt how to speak English at the same time I learnt Portuguese hehe…still, obviously, I do make grammar mistakes, but I am trying my best! Thank you for your kind support! I hope you like this chapter! Kisses to you!

**royal blueKitsune** Hi! Well…regarding We Were Meant To Each Other, I must admit I'm working on it, but it's coming slow. I'm actually questioning myself if I should continue it since I'm planning to re-write the story. Many details need to be changed, many errors corrected. I'm still thinking about it…At last I updated this one, ne? I'm sorry for taking so long but as I explained earlier, I had a busy life this past month so the story was coming out slowly. I just hope I didn't disappoint anyone…tall me what you think! Bye bye!

Well, that's all for now guys! Thank you all so much for your support! Thanks to you, I've reached the 144 reviews! Imagine that? ME with 144 reviews! You guys are GREAT!

Stay well you all and that life runs the best way ever to you!

Bye! Adios! Ja ne! Au revoir! Adeus!

Agnes.


	15. Dinner and Hypochondria

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Fourteen: Dinner and Hypochondria**

As soon as I step out of my apartment's building, a whistle is thrown at me.

"Wow, look at you!"

I roll my eyes at that, allowing a small smile to play at my lips. Approaching the car, I open the back seat's door and enter the dark blue Toyota Corolla. _Great car._

"Hi Misao. Aoshi." The man in question only nods, starting the car's engine as I close the door. Misao turns instantly to me, beaming excitedly. "You look fantastic! I love that dress. Oh, wasn't that the coat your colleagues gave you a couple of years ago? She's so gorgeous, isn't she Aoshi?"

I have to chuckle at her attitude. "I've never seen you so excited about the way I look Misao. You look great too."

She winks at me. "I went shopping this afternoon! Aoshi thinks I'm great too, don't you Aoshi?"

"Aa."

Misao chuckles loudly, turning to me once again. "See? He was speechless when I dressed the gown."

A sudden will to annoy Aoshi wakes up inside me and I give a slight grin. "It's not like he speaks a lot."

"Of course he does. He's just not that talkative when he's around many people." She says, understanding my intention. Even if she's really defending him, Misao has this strange ability to love and annoy him at the same time. She's a very respectful doctor, but outside the office, she's as playful as a fifteen year old adolescent.

"I'm not 'very people' and he barely speaks in front of me!"

"Would you stop talking about me as if I wasn't here?" Aoshi's cold voice stops our arguing.

Misao laughs out loud and I chuckle. "Finally you react Aoshi-san! So tell me, how've you been? How's your company?" I ask, leaning against the back seat.

"My company is working well, thank you. Yourself?" He replies in a monotone voice.

I shrug. "The same. Home, work, home, work…" I tell him, waving a dismissal hand.

Misao turns to me once again. "Where's Enishi? Not that I care, but every time I talk to you, Enishi's not home."

"He's been working a lot the past weeks."

"Really?" She asks with a sarcastic tone on her voice.

I roll my eyes. _There she goes again._ As if it wasn't enough my own suspicions about Enishi being so many times away from home…"Yes Misao, he's _working_, okay?"

"Hai, hai."

I stare at the passing buildings outside, watching mildly the night colours of each lighted house, restaurant or street, before leaning to the front seats. "So where are we going?"

"I don't-"

"It's a surprise." Aoshi answer quickly, cutting Misao's word.

"Oh, very romantic. Are you sure I'm not crashing down your party Aoshi-san?"

"You need to live too."

That shook me off. First, Aoshi was actually speaking. Second, not only speaking but remarking. "What do you mean 'live'? I live…"

"Oh please Kaoru, when was the last time you went out for dinner? And somewhere fancy too? Obviously not with that boyfriend of yours." Aa, here it is again. Enishi just has to be a topic during the time we are together. I think she really can't help it…

"That doesn't mean I don't live. True, I haven't gone out for dinner for a long time, but I'm still breathing and living." I tell her simply. It's true. Just because I don't go to fancy dinners doesn't mean I don't live. I have a meeting tomorrow at the park, I consider that living…and having a good time too. Only, she doesn't know that…

"But not living happily. Honestly, are you happy with that snob? He's so self-centred…"

"Do you think that if I wasn't happy with him I'd still be with him?"_ Hadn't we had this conversation before? Why does she insist on bringing this matter up again?_

"Of course you would. You can't bear to be alone!"

I snort at that. "That's not true! I've been alone for the past weeks, haven't I?"

"Yes and almost with a depression!"

_What? _"I was not!"

"You-"

"Stop it. We're here. I want to have a peaceful dinner." Aoshi mutters coldly, loudly enough for the two of us to listen and stop instantly our exchange of words.

Misao winces slightly, turning to me. "Gomen ne, Kaoru. Well, let's have dinner! What is this place? I've never been here…" She says, glancing at the restaurant as Aoshi drives through the parking lot, searching for an empty space. There's a place close to the entrance and he parks the car. Stepping out of the beautiful vehicle, I glance around, admiring the beautiful place. I've never been here either…

"Me neither. It's beautiful. How did you find this place Aoshi-san?" I question him, tiling my head.

Misao crosses her arms. "Yes, I'm curious about that."

Aoshi closes the car, handing the car keys to Misao. "I went here with a client about a month ago." He answers me. Turning to Misao, he speaks again." And I told you Misao."

Guarding the keys inside her purse, she glances at him suspiciously. Trust Misao to be jealous when her fiancé just brought her to an amazing place. "I don't remember you telling me, but anyway! Let's get inside."

We resume our way to the entrance, beautifully decorated, with small trees and flowers. At the door, a butler waits behind a small table. Greeting us politely, he requests the name of our reservation. So fancy!

"Shinomori Aoshi."

Searching the list, he nods, stepping away from the table and motion us to follow him. The inside of the restaurant is absolutely fantastic. Gold and brown mix together, bringing a royal environment to the large room, where multiple couples and groups of people are gathering together, already eating and chatting politely with each other. Butlers are seen walking fast from one side to the other, carrying multiple dishes on trays, serving people with the best service and education. Candles are placed on top of the tables, involving the room in a dim lighted environment. _Definitely romantic_.

Misao is obviously as delighted as I am, glancing around the room with bright shinning eyes, before looking sweetly at her stoic fiancé. "Oh Aoshi, this is gorgeous! Thank you for the lovely surprise."

Aoshi glances down at her, the only difference in his expression being the faint smile appearing at his lips. "You're welcome."

We follow the butler until he stops next to a small table, with three chairs and respectful plates, situated close to the big window. The lights of the night mix with the dim light of the four candles placed on our table. I must admit this is an amazing place and that, whoever was that client of Aoshi, he sure has a great taste. We take our seats and immediately another butler appears right next to Misao, questioning what our order will be.

"So what are you ordering Kaoru?" Misao asks slowly, obvious scanning with much interest the menu displayed in front of her.

I shrug, analysing the menu I'm holding. _Great food…_ "Hum…I'm not sure yet. What about you?"

"Oh I want nigirizushi of tuna and shrimp, with tempura and tekka maki!" She announces happily.

"Isn't that too much?" Aoshi asks, glancing at her from the top of his menu.

The happiness vanishes from Misao's eyes instantly, being replaced with an incredible glare. "Are you saying I'm fat?"

"Of course not love. I'm simply worrying about your health." Aoshi calmly answers, not in the least intimidated by his fiancée's glare.

"I'm a doctor, you know?" She asks, arching an eyebrow.

"And a good one. Gomen ne. Eat whatever you feel like love."

Watching them, I try to remember when was the last time Enishi and I have done something like this… It's not his fault, I know that, so I guess I shouldn't be complaining. I'm sure that firemen's wives are pretty much in similar situations. We're compromised women to men with inconstant professions and there's nothing we can do.

"Kaoru. Get down to earth, ne?"

I blink. "I'm sorry. Were you saying something?"

Misao sighs heavily, as if she's been waiting her entire life for my answer. Always bringing out the drama in her…"What are you ordering?"

"Do you have salmon nigirizushi?" I ask to the butler still waiting patiently for my answer.

"Hai desu."

"Well, I'll have salmon nigirizushi with tekka maki, please."

The butler writes down my order, bows and turns away.

"How was your last therapy session with Keiko-san?" Misao asks suddenly.

"It went well. She taught me a game." I tell her, drinking a little bit of water. The butler had filled the three cups with water even before we made our orders. Amazing.

"A game? How so?" She asks, furrowing her bows. Aoshi looks at me too, his face showing slight interest to know the same thing.

"We have to relax and close our eyes. Then, when we are fully relaxed, someone will say a name and you have to answer in only one word what that name means to you. Like 'sun' to me means 'light'. Get it?"

Aoshi nods. "That's interesting, but what is the point?"

"Well, once you start answering, the speed increases and you no longer answer with your conscious but with your unconscious." I explain him.

"So you'll end up answering not your organized thoughts but what you really think or feel." Misao says slowly, contemplating the entire explanation.

"Exactly." I nod.

"You've never heard of it before?" Aoshi asks to his fiancée.

"I'm not a head's doctor. Even though I had to study all parts of the human brain and its diseases, I didn't improve my knowledge on that specific area. Still, I've heard that theory of making the unconscious speak for yourself. It's somewhat like hypnosis." Misao explains, justifying whatever insinuation Aoshi was obviously doing.

Our moment of discussion is over when our food arrives. The service was quick but, then again, I've read that making sushi doesn't take that long, even if you're cooking for a large number of people. You just need to cook the rice before dinner time and then, when it's almost time, you just cut the fish and place it together with the rice. Easy.

The butler places my plate at last and bows once again. "Enjoy your meal."

The plates are well adorned, showing obviously the talent of the chef as well as the fanciness of everything inside this restaurant. I slowly pick up my sushi and take a small bite, allowing myself to feel the taste of a wonderfully cooked meal.

"Oh, do you know who died?" Misao asks all of a sudden, causing me to choke on my sushi. "Do you remember that girl from high school…what was her name?"

I stare at her, waiting and dreading for her answer. Trust Misao to bring death when I'm having dinner. I think sometimes she forgets the problem I have regarding that matter. Maybe I can change the conversation…I turn to the stoic Aoshi, ready to bring up another topic when Misao gives a small cry of victory.

Curse my luck…

"Akina-san! That's it! Remember her? She was very nice and used to study months before the exams, remember?"

"Yes I remember her…" I tell her slowly, trying my best to block my brain from the information about to be given to me.

_Breathe Kaoru. Calm down…_

"I heard she caught cancer a couple of years ago."

_Don't shake your fingers._

"She's been struggling for the past two years, trying to fight the cancer that was soon discovered to be at more organs than just one."

_Control your heart beats. Don't think. Don't feel._

"She pasted away a month ago. To think she was only 24 years old!"

_Oh God!_ "Really? I need to go to bathroom." I say quickly, rising from my seat and marching towards the bathroom.

Various faces stare at me as I walk pass them. I finally reach the bathroom's main door and open it quickly, moving to the first empty toilet I see. The nauseous feeling keeps building up inside my stomach as I kneel down, placing my head inside the toilet.

_She was so young. My age! Why? Why does this happen? It's not fair. Is it my age dangerous? Maybe I…Nonsense! I've made a full check-up about a month ago, there's absolutely nothing wrong with me! I don't want to die! I don't want to have cancer! I don't want to die! There's cure to cancer! Why did she die? I won't die of cancer! She was so young! She was my age! I don't want to die! I'M DYING!_

"Kaoru?"

I blink at the soft concerned voice as I immediately recognize as Misao's voice. Grabbing a piece of toilet-paper, I raise a shaking hand to my mouth, cleaning the remains of my vomit on my chin and corners of my mouth. Throwing the dirty paper to the toilet, I get on my feet, trying clumsily to clean the amount of tears still lingering on my cheeks. My chest burns and stings as if an arrow was shot at me. My breathing is deep and I feel as tired as if I had been running for an hour.

"Kaoru are you in there?" Misao asks again from the outside of my door.

Swallowing hard, my efforts are placed together in order to control my voice as I flush down the toilet. "I'm here." I tell her, stepping out of the small private toilet only to find her looking at me intensively, her professional doctor eyes already set on her two brilliant green globes.

"What's going on Kaoru?" She asks seriously, following me with her eyes as I make my way to the washbasin. I turn the tap on and wash my face, neck and hands, having no problem with make up since I don't bother with that.

Turning to her, I sigh. "Nothing serious. I was just…touched by the news you just told me."

"You're not dying of cancer and I know you're conscious of that." Misao tells me, looking straight into my eyes. "You have to start dealing with death issues more naturally. This isn't healthy."

I have to snort at that. "Healthy? And talking about other people dying is healthy? During _dinner_?"

"It's natural Kaoru. We all born, live and die and there's nothing you can do. You know that. Living the way you live, having panic attacks every single time someone mentions the word 'death' isn't healthy! You are so afraid of dying yet you are not aware that those panic attacks can give you a heart attack or a mind's blow!"

I stare at her with wide eyes.

Misao sighs deeply, lowering her tone of voice. By now I'm pretty sure everyone outside these doors can listen to our argument. We just _had_ to fight inside the bathroom, where the echo is bigger than anywhere else. "You didn't know that, did you? Maybe you should put aside the diseases you don't have and focus on what you're doing to yourself. Maybe it's time for you to stop worrying about what you may have in the future and worry instead about what hypochondria can do to you."

Breaking our eye contact, I turn to look at my reflection. What greets me on the other side is not what I saw earlier. Even the shinning of this magnificent gown seems to disappear, allowing a shadow to come out, something empty both inside and outside. My eyes are red and swollen, matching my red nose and wet cheeks. Dark eye bags complete my lame appearance, making me sigh heavily once again. "I guess it's easier said than done Misao. It's not easy to be a hypochondriac nor is it easier to stop being it. Do you think I want to have those panic attacks? I don't, but having the strength to fight them is not always easy…"

Misao walks up to me, placing a hand on my shoulder and looks at me through the mirror. "I know it's hard Kaoru…I'm sorry for mentioning it. Let's get back to the table, ne? Aoshi must be fuming by now."

A small smile touches my lips. "How can you tell he's fuming?"

"Ha ha, very funny. Come on, if he's not fuming then he's frozen!"

* * *

_Itai…it feels like an elephant sat on top of me during the night…_ I open my eyes and take a moment to stir my limbs. Glancing to my side, I stare at the empty space, once occupied by a solid, attractive body, now left alone with his pillow still in place and the sheet nicely pulled up.

Enishi is no longer at home.

When I arrived home yesterday, he was already asleep and didn't even stir when I laid down next to him. His indifference towards me even works when he's asleep and disturbs my mind, more than already is. I guess that explains part of the headache I have right now…the other thing to blame for my headache is the stupid attack I just had to have yesterday.

Slowly, I step out of my comfy bed and make my way to the bathroom. Once inside, I have to grimace at my reflection for the second time in less than 24 hours. Darker eye bags adorn my swollen cheeks, matching my headache and my terrible tangled hair.

I look horrible.

Turning the tap on, I relish the cleansing feeling coming from the cold water on my hands. I wash my face slowly, whishing for nothing more than to return to my bed and hibernate for three years.

I stop abruptly.

_Oh no!_ I'm meeting Kenshin today! Oh…why me? I can't come close to him looking like this! Not that I consider this to be a date, but I don't want him to think I'm sick. Which I am, in a way, but I don't want to have him questioning the reason of my terrible aspect. I'm not ready to tell him I'm a hypochondriac.

Turning the tap off and slowly making my way to the kitchen, I'm startled by my phone's ringing.

_It must be Misao…_ Sighing, I sit of the couch and pick up the phone. "Moshi-moshi?"

"Good morning Kaoru-san." A now familiar masculine voice greets me from the other side.

Blinking, I feel a smile reaching my lips. "Kenshin-san?"

"Hai. I-I apologise for calling you this earlier, but since I'm already at the clinic, I thought I could call you to confirm our meeting today? Did I wake you?"

I chuckle softly. "No, you didn't wake me up Kenshin-san. And of course our meeting is still up! Around five on our spot, ne?"

Kenshin is silent on the other side of the phone for a while and I wonder it I said something I shouldn't…"Ken-"

"Hai, in our spot." He said, cutting me off.

_Our spot…_I blush at that. I'm so stupid I didn't realise I said that! No wonder he was silent! He's probably thinking I'm throwing myself at him! I open my mouth to explain myself but he cuts my word once again.

"I'll see you there Kaoru-san. Have a good day." He says quickly, allowing me a small 'okay', before hanging up, making me wonder why he behaved like that? Was he embarrassed? Felt awkward? Trust my big mouth to ruin this phone call…

"Oh well…" I mutter softly to myself, placing the phone back on its support and head to the kitchen to grab some breakfast.

* * *

It's amazing how fast the day goes by when we have plans for later. Well, it's not like it's a big date or anything…actually, I don't know how to name this meeting…just meeting? That's how Kenshin named it. Anyway…I hope I'm not too lazily dressed. I didn't want to dress up to come to the park, but I don't want him to think I don't have a taste in dressing. It's definitely much easier to meet him casually on the park than setting a meeting. Why wasn't I nervous that other time he asked me to meet him at the same spot? I guess I can't say I'm nervous…

"I'm definitely _not_ nervous…" I mutter to myself, uncrossing my legs for the nth time in ten minutes. Again, Kenshin isn't here, but this time he isn't late. I'm the one earlier. Should I have bought something to him? He's always offering me gifts and even drew me a portrait…Kaoru, will you stop playing with your hands for a _second_?

My inner conflict stops instantly when a small jasmine bouquet is placed in front of my eyes. Blinking, I follow the sun tanned arm, tracing the firm muscles, the white shirt, and the strong neck until I'm face to face with a soft smiling Kenshin.

"Kenshin-san…"

"For you." He tells me, sitting down next to me. "I thought I suited you."

I remove my eyes from the beautiful smelling flowers and stare at him surprisingly. "Me?"

"I…noticed you smell…fairly like jasmine." He explains softly, a light blush adorning his cheeks and nose.

_He smelled me?_ I blush faintly at that thought. "It's the body milk I use. My mother would always use it." I tell him softly. "I guess it's the way I found to be closer to her."

He nods. "Everyone tries to find something to bring them closer to the ones they love and lost."

"Did you find something special?" I question slowly, carefully trying not to overstep my rights. I really don't want to bring him anymore bad memories.

Kenshin breaks our eye contact, staring ahead to the leaves dancing with the softly blowing wind. A faraway look is set on his magnificent amethyst eyes and I'm sure vivid images of a long lost past are being displayed on the empty landscape in front of us. Images I am not familiar with but certainly similar to my own memories of my family and I. "I come to this park to feel closer to him. He loved this park and especially loved to lie down on the grass and look up at the leaves dancing around with the soft warm summer breeze. He was full of joy in living…" He whispers affectionately, turning to look at me once again. "Actually, that was one of the reasons I wanted to meet you again Kaoru-san."

Now that surprised and confused me. "Why?"

He gives a slightly sheepish smile but I'm still able to notice a small amount of sadness in there. _But sadness over what?_ "I-Maybe you'll find it strange or…I don't know, a little overreacting but…I really need to clear this out." He pauses. "Kaoru-san…did I offend you or disturbed you in any way when I told you of my son's story? I mean, I think that maybe I shouldn't have said it since…well, you seemed to disappear after that day in the park and I was…afraid that-"

I shake my head, understanding what he is trying to conclude. "I don't blame you for what happened to your son Kenshin-san." I tell him seriously, causing him the stop stuttering and stare at me with round surprised eyes. "I didn't disappear because I thought you were responsible for your son's death. That thought has never crossed my mind. Never. I just…have been occupied lately." I finish lamely.

Kenshin chuckles. "I told you once you're a terrible liar."

And that comment is enough to make me blush until the end of my hair. _Damn_. "W-Well I…I admit I was very…touched with your story." Kenshin opens his mouth but I keep going, stopping him from saying whatever he was planning to. "But not for the reasons you insist to think Kenshin-san."

He looks down at his hands. "So I was partially right…you _were_ avoiding contact with me for the past days…I'm so sorry."

_Shit._ "Oh no Kenshin-san! Please don't apologise for something you didn't do! It was all me and it had nothing to do with you! I realise now that I was being selfish but I honestly never thought it would hurt you if I was absent for a few days." I finish softly. "Please don't think I was running away from you…"

"Weren't you?"

"Of course not."

Slowly rising his eyes, he looks deeply into mine. "Then what were you running from?"

I sigh deeply, turning my head to the side, suddenly finding the ground very interesting. If I knew he wanted to meet me to ask about my behaviour, even though he holds that right, I wouldn't have come. I don't want him to think I'm a weak freak. Just…not yet…

"Kaoru-san?"

Closing my eyes, I try to gather all strength I can find within me, bracing myself for whatever his reaction may be. "Myself…my thoughts." I tell him softly. So long for the 'not ready' thing. I cannot see his expression but his silence is agonizing. _Please…say something. Anything! Get up and leave if you want, just-_

"You're afraid of dying." Kenshin states at last, after a dying moment of waiting, his tone carrying something I can't define, but enough to make me hide my face even further. "You fear death and I didn't help it when I told of my son's story." He says softly, as if regretting and blaming himself for my condition. "You're a hypochondriac, aren't you?"

I open my eyes at that, conscious that the moment I've been dreading has finally arrived. I sigh, nodding." Hai…" _No use hiding from him…he is a doctor after all._

"For how long?" He asks in a light tone. Great, I hate pity.

"For more than ten years." I reply with an expressionless tone of voice.

I listen to him sigh and sift his position. _Maybe he's leaving…_ Not that it would surprise me. I am a freak. I can't bear to talk or even listen to something regarding diseases and death. I didn't want to tell him… I just wanted…_to be normal_. Closing my eyes at the building pain inside my chest, I fight miserably the surfacing tears in my eyes. But my tears won't obey me and soon I'm feeling them falling down my cheeks, slowly showing to anyone my inner angst towards the way I am.

It's in the middle of my conflict that I feel a pressure on my cheeks, tracing the tear's wet paths, softly trying to erase the pain. Instead of stop crying, I cry even harder for knowing that, instead of leaving, he's trying to comfort me. And to think he doesn't have any responsibility to do that.

"Look at me." His soft voice pleads me, as I still feel his fingers cleaning the wet trails on my cheeks. Opening my eyes a little, I stare at my hands, tightened into fists so hard that my knuckles are white. Rising my eyes to look up at him, I'm surprised to find not pity, not confusion, but something I've never seen before: understanding.

"Why didn't you tell me Kaoru-san? I wouldn't have told you anything…"

I shake my head at that comment. "Kenshin-san, I'm sure you know that running away from your problems isn't going to make them disappear…" I sigh. "I'm sorry for not telling you before but it's not something I say right on the moment I meet someone. I didn't even want to tell you or make you suspicious."

He furrows his brows. "Why?"

"I-Because…I just…I didn't want you to think I was freak…" I finish in a small pathetic voice, as if I was a child trying to talk her way out of her grounding, no longer looking at him or at my hands. Closed eyes can make you pretend the situation happening around you isn't real, and right now, that's exactly what I need.

Soft fingers touch my chin, lifting my face up and motioning me to open my eyes. "Kaoru-san…I'd never think that."

I give to his urges and open my eyes, staring at him dubiously. "Why not?"

Watching as a playful eyebrow arches delicately above his left eye, I admire a perfect grin slowly making its way to his lips. "I'm a doctor, you know?"

I stare at him for a moment, honestly not knowing how to react to that comment. Understanding his effort to change our conversation topic, which I'm totally thankful, I allow myself to enter the small play. "Hai, I seem to forget that little detail…"

"Why?"

I shrug. "I always thought you were…a painter maybe."

"A painter?" He asks, tiling his head slightly to the side, a lose smile playing at his lips.

"You did draw me, didn't you?"

"Aa, I guess meditating and painting doesn't relate much with being a doctor, ne?"

I nod, letting a comfortable silence set between us. Maybe is the fact that he's a doctor, or maybe is just the way he is that makes me feel this peaceful. My headache is gone and so is the feeling of fear and insecurity. I feel like I need to be around him so that I don't have a crisis such as last night. _Is this using him for my own benefit? No…_

"You look tired Kaoru-san."

I wince slightly, felling a little frustrated. _And here I thought I was able to disguise my horrible face this morning_. But then again, he's a doctor…it's his job to look at a person and try to see if it's perfectly healthy. "Don't tell me you're always looking at me with a clinical eye…"

He chuckles. "Iie, of course not. But I did notice your dark eye bags. Had a rough night?"

"I guess you can say that. But it's over now." I finish quickly. I'm not in the mood to explain why I look like this.

"Aa, I'm glad."

The sun is setting and the park is getting emptier. Parents and grandparents are taking their children home, clenching their coats tightly against their bodies since the wind is turning chilly. I glance at my wrist clock, confirming the passage of time. It's half past six already. Time seems to fly whether I'm waiting to meet him or when I'm already with him. "It's getting late, ne?"

Kenshin nods, rising from his seat. "Hai, you should get going. Enishi-san can already be waiting for you."

_Humph…I highly doubt that…_I simply nod, grabbing my beautiful flowers and rise from my seat as well. "So…it was great to see you again. I'm sorry for my absence…"

Kenshin shakes his head. "Don't apologise Kaoru-san. I confess that maybe I was overreacting…I'm glad you agreed to meet me. I was…missing our conversations."

Now that was surprising, making me blush instantly. Is it just me or he's getting bolder? My idiot vocal cords decide to stop functioning at this moment, so blushing and smiling stupidly at him are the only thing I'm capable to do right now. He says good bye and we turn to opposite directions. Slowly, I walk step by step towards a house that will probably be empty when I arrive. No one to cook for, to talk with, to laugh with.

Unless…

I stop walking, thinking about it for a moment, before turning around once again. Kenshin is walking slowly too and stops immediately when I call out for him, which makes me wonder if he was somewhat waiting for this to happen.

"Ano…would you like to have dinner at my house tonight?"

He doesn't answer right away, but I wasn't expecting that anyway…His silence shows his obvious pondering on my offer. "What about Enishi-san?"

I shrug. "Weren't you two friends once? I see no problem."

_Please say 'yes'…_

"Hai, that would be very nice."

Letting out a breath I was unconsciously holding, I smile once again, watching as he slowly walks his way towards me.

This night, I'm sure there'll be no room for fears.

* * *

To Be Continued…

A/N: Hello everyone! I know, I know, it's been a month (hides behind a tree) since I last updated, but this time it wasn't because of a writer's block. I went a week on vacation and returned last week and this week has been COMPLETELY occupied, so even if I had the chapter already written down on my notebook, I only had the time to pass it into the computer today (sighs) so tired…Anyway, I do hope you all like this chapter. Personally, I'm pretty satisfied with it.

In this chapter, I wanted to show you what was like to be inside the mind of a hypochondriac when he's having an attack. As you all could see, the reason that causes the panic attack in the beginning isn't the same reason when the panic attack reached its peak. Usually, the panic starts due to a third person, someone else has the disease. The hypochondriac starts hyperventilating, thinking about the person sick. Then, thoughts change and lead to others and, in the end, the hypochondriac isn't able to separate the main reason from his panic.

Again, a hypochondriac isn't lunatic, neither is he schizophrenic; he's simply a person with a terrifying afraid of dying and, consequently, afraid of every disease that may kill him.

I'm glad I'm able to captivate my readers attention, even thought the story isn't mainly a romance. The romance will come out, but angst and drama will always walk side by side. Thank you all for your support. I'm very honoured.

**To The Reviewers:**

**evilteddybear** Thank you for reviewing! Here you have some more! Let me know what you think, ne? Bye bye!

**animefanrk** hello! I'm so glad to read that you love my fanfic (Agnes is very honoured). I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Leave me a comment, ne? Kisses!

**Universal Fighter (UF):** Ohh, a suggestion! You can email me if you want! I'm most curious to know your opinion. Even though my ending is somewhat planned, I'm still not sure about it…please, send it over! In the meantime, tell me what you think of this chapter. Did you like it? Big kisses!

**Chikifriend** My dear Chiki-san, do you know what my reaction was when I first read your review? It was like this…HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (Agnes-san is laughing like a mad woman) and do you know why? Because of this 'Hello! Kenshin just asked Kaoru out on a date nothing is happening?'.

Thank you so much for the support. I was actually a little disappointed with my last chapter, but, surprisingly, it was the chapter where I received more reviews! Amazing…I think this chapter is the longest I've ever wrote on 'Story Of My Life' history, ne? Misao is Kaoru's best friend, no doubt of that, and I hope people don't start doubting that after they read this chapter. Misao wasn't' being mean to Kaoru, she was simply trying to get some sense into Kaoru's head.

Anyway, don't mind my babbling…I also chuckled when I read your personal note. You're right Chiki-san, nothing you say will ever change my mind because your stories are the best proof I can find (winks) Thank you for your constant support and also for your grammar advice. Do you think it's better in this chapter? I'm considering on getting myself a beta-reader. What do you think? Thank you for everything! Ja ne Chiki-san!

**FromTheAshes** Thank you so much for your opinion regarding my grammar mistakes! I'm afraid not all readers think like you…I've had some readers that told me, on other stories, that my grammar mistakes made the story worst and difficult to read. I'm considering on finding a beta-reader. Anyway, I'm so glad you like my story and that you understand my grammar problems (smiles) I hope you like this chapter too! Please let me know what you think of it! Big kisses!

**animeobsessed3191** Well…something happened, but I don't know if it was what you were expecting. Tell me what you think, ne? Kenshin finally knows that Kaoru is a hypochondriac. The secret is out. Keep on reading and reviewing! Bye bye"

**reader-kikilala** My big dear friend, I've been very unfair to you and I hope you forgive my absence but, as I explained on my A/N, I was very busy. I'll explain everything on my email to you. BIG APOLOGIES!

As always, I liked your review a lot since, as always, it helps me to create a vision from the outside, as a reader, and not as the writer. When Kenshin called, that was exactly what I wanted to show. That no matter how old you are, when love arrives, you just act like a fool. I met a couple that got married when they were already 50 years old! Imagine that! They met at the hospital and still live happily in love with each other. They've been married for 15 years now…so sweet, isn't it?

Kaoru is at a state of denial. She does know the answer to all the questions but is eluding herself, pretending not to know what's going on right in front of her nose. Everybody is cheering out for Kenshin and making plots about how Kaoru will dump Enishi and I just love to see that. My readers struggling their minds, trying to guess what's going to happen. I just hope I won't disappoint anyone.

I've took a month to update, and that's shameful. And worst, you've send me your new chapter and I'm making your update to come out later than you wanted just because I've been busy…mou…forgive, ne?

Thank you for your constant support on me and my stories! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Big kisses!

**animegurl23:** Thank you! I hope you like this one too! Tell me what you think! Bye bye!

**Corporate Lullabies** You're not wrong! On the opposite, you're very perceptive! It's a great quality in a person! Thank you for saying that my story is wonderful…I'm so happy and honoured. Well…the answer to your doubt is here. Kenshin knows Kaoru is a hypochondriac. Did you like his reaction? Were you expecting something else? Please tell me, ne? Don't hesitate!

About publishing…that thought crossed my mind once…but it's difficult to have success here in Portugal. It's not impossible but…I need to finish the fic first! Hehehe I'm so happy that you find this story good enough to be published. I agreed with you when you say that, if you build and write a character with name, age, past and present, it's difficult to change her name without changing everything else. Still, it's not impossible, just…requires some work.

Thank you for your great review! Please write again, I want to know your opinion! Bye bye and big kisses!

**Ginny-cry** Hey! I'm gad you liked my last chapter! What did you think about this one? Good? Bad? Kind of? Tell me what you think, okay? Thank you for reviewing! Bye bye!

**Neko-Yuff16** (Glups) Hello? (Agnes asks slowly, waving a white flag) Please don't be mad! I know it's been a month and a few days…sorry…pretty sorry? Hehe, I just hope you like this chapter (smiles) Please review and tell me what you think of this chapter! Big kisses!

**ChildlikeEmpress** Hahaha! I usually do that too! I read the chapter, review it and then read it a second time! I'm so glad that my story is good enough to make you read it twice! I think everyone was delighted when Kenshin called. Guess what? He called again in this chapter! But always polite and very charming, ne? I wish I had one of those…ahem, anyway! Please review and tell me if you liked this chapter! Bye bye!

**Jess-chan of the Nya Nya Neko** Well… (looks around sheepishly) it wasn't soon but…at least, here it is, ne? I'm very happy you like my story so much that you're out of words. You know, I've been thinking on that proposal you've made me, on you being my beta-reader? Well…I think that wouldn't be a bad idea at all. Because those small mistakes can really be annoying to some readers and run them away…and that's not good. Besides, I want to make sure everything is out perfectly, at least on my grammar level. So…what do you say? Thank you so much for reviewing! Big kisses!

**crasyducky** Did this chapter cause the plot to move forward? I surely hope so, because that was the point…what do you think? I do try to update it more frequently, but it's just impossible…please, keep on reviewing and telling me what you think of this chapter, okay? Big kisses!

**kawaii meeh** Thank you. You know? I think you're the only one who shared the exact feeling I had about last chapter. Even though he called and set a date, there was no action or a development, ne? It was sort of a passing chapter, just to keep you readers occupied (LOL, just kidding!) Keep on reviewing and telling me what you think! Big kisses!

**WhiteRabbit5** Haha, you know? Everything will be explained later on. You'll all know how exactly Kenshin found out her number, but it's very simple really. Wait and see (winks) Oh good, another honest reviewer! I personally share the same opinion you have, it was not a chapter with a lot of action…actually, the only thing that happens was Kenshin calling and setting a date. Anyway, I feel honoured that you said that about me...that I'm able to separate the two of them. Actually, during the series, Misao and Kaoru have similar behaviours. The mainly thing separating them is that Kaoru is older than Misao, therefore holding a bigger maturity regarding the problems. Thank you so much for your support since the first day! Tell me if you like this chapter! Bye bye!

**Reignashii** LOL, you're so full of ideas! It's amazing! Well, I guess neither Aoshi nor Misao knew Kenshin hehe. I wanted to separate the two dates, in order to explain and show some things my readers don't know yet, such as Kaoru having a panic attack. Did you enjoy this chapter? Tell me what you think! Big kisses!

**Peachie-Chan** Of course I hope to read your reviews! Each review gives me the strength to continue writing and to try to improve my story each chapter! Did you like this one? Tell me what you think! Thank you so much for your constant support, ever since the beginning of this fic! Big kisses! Oh, and good luck with your new K/K fic (winks) I've read it and left a review! Bye!

**royal blueKitsune** HAHAHAHA! I hope you don't throw another tomato at me this time! Thank you for reviewing and leaving your opinion! Do the same thing this chapter, ne? Oh, and I won't change WWMTEO, but I have to re-edit the entire story in order to erase all my grammar mistakes (sighs) Thank you for reviewing both my stories! Bye bye!

And that's all people! Have a nice week!

Bye! Ciao (Thanks WhiteRabbit5)! Adios! Ja ne! Au Revoir! Adeus!

Agnes.


	16. Honesty or Lie?

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Fifteen: Honesty or Lie?**

"You live closer to the park than I imagined." Kenshin states as we enter my apartment building.

I chuckle. "I think if I didn't live this close I wouldn't go there as often as I do."

"That would've been a pity." He says, staring ahead at the elevator's closed door.

"Why?" I ask him, tiling my head to the side.

"We wouldn't have met then." He says softly.

_Okay, wasn't expecting that at all. _I blush slightly. "Who knows? We did meet in an interesting way."

He chuckles as the elevator stops and the doors open. "Aa, I'm glad we did." He tells me softly, motioning me to step off first and trailing behind me as I lead him to my door. I wonder if Enishi is home…and what his reaction will be when he sees Kenshin. Not that I'm expecting him to have a stroke, but seeing them hugging friendly after so many years would be nice…

Putting the keys in the door lock, I open the door and immediately my question is answered. Enishi isn't here yet. I'm no longer certain if I was expecting him to be here or not. At first, I was eager to arrive home and having him already here, waiting for me. We'd take a bath and I'd make dinner, obviously. We only tried to make dinner once, and it result with almost burning the kitchen down. But at least he was here, with me. Now…I guess I no longer hope for that.

Shaking my thoughts out of my mind, I look at Kenshin. "Welcome to my home!" I tell him, turning the lights on.

The apartment is lighted instantly, showing off its creamy colours, matching with the peachy comfy sofas, the big brown wooden dinner table and the beautiful fireplace. Of course, the major attractions of this living room are the two large windows right in front of us, showing of an amazing display of an entire night life, even though it's just getting darker.

"Nice house, Kaoru-san."

I chuckle at him. "You're lucky it's Sunday."

"Why?"

"Because if it was a week day, this place would be a mess. Since Enishi is barely at home, he doesn't help with the cleaning, and I have to work all day, so I just have the time to clean when I return from work." I explain while checking my answering machine. No messages. So he's not home and didn't even notify me. Again.

"It would be easier to find a house maid." Kenshin points out at me.

"Indeed, but would it really be necessary? I mean, it's a small apartment and she wouldn't be doing anything I can't. So I decided to spare my money and do it myself." Besides, I hate having people changing the places of my things. And house maids usually do that. I would have a fit!

"Even though it tires you…"

I shrug. "Hai, I guess…"

Silence is stood upon us, as usual, and I'm about to turn to enter the kitchen and find out what to do for dinner when Kenshin speaks again.

"You've kept it." He says softly, looking intensively to the small coffee table in front of the couch. For a second, I tilt my head in confusion, trying to understand what he was talking about. But my idiotic moment is gone when I lay my eyes on the beautiful snow globe Kenshin gave me the first time we were together.

I blink.

That came out a little…intimate.

Shrugging that thought aside, I try to look natural. "Of course I've kept it. Why the surprise?"

He turns to me, transporting that soft look in his eyes from the small object to my two curious orbs. "It wasn't surprise, it was…warmth."

I blush once again, feeling uncertain about what to say next. Trying to act as causally as possible, I reply. "Oh…I've hung the painting too. Come with me."

He follows me into my room, glancing briefly to the perimeter until his eyes fall on the first reason to come in here. He seems to analyse for a moment the painting, before nodding.

"Nice spot."

"I thought so too. Actually…it was Enishi who hanged it." I say slowly, glancing at him sideways to see his reaction.

"Really?" He says, turning to me, sounding really surprised for the first time since I've met him. "Funny how people change during life. If it was all those years ago, he would've probably hung it in a dark corner." He tells me jokingly.

I laugh at that. "I guess he learned his lesson."

"Lesson?"

I nod. "Yes, he tried to stop something that ended up happening anyway." Glancing once again to my portrait, I turn and head to the kitchen.

"You're right." He resumes his walk behind me. "Speaking of Enishi, when is he arriving?"

I stop for a second, before giving a dismissal wave. "He must be arriving around eight." _I hope…_

I know it's impolite to enter the kitchen and start searching in the fridge what to do for dinner when your guest is standing right next to you, watching your every move, but when I tried to sit Kenshin down in the living room and persuade him to wait for me to return, he refused and didn't even allow me to argue. So, battle lost with politeness.

My search lasts a few moments, altering between easy dishes to make, but too simple to present to a guest, and too complicated dishes for my own good and Kenshin's health. So, I finally make my decision.

Turning to the man besides me, I tile my head. "Do you like noodles?"

He nods, giving a carefree shrug. "Sounds lovely."

I grin, taking the necessary ingredients out of their specific hideouts. "Great. I hope you like my cooking. I'm not going to say I'm a perfect cook but I think I manage somehow to make it edible." Better tell him now before its too late…

"I like your honesty." He says, chuckling softly.

"Well, someone once taught me that if you're honest, truth and reason will always be by your side." _Amen to that!_

Kenshin nods, glancing at me with his intense amethyst orbs. "Aa, it was a wise person. Your father?"

I look at him curiously. "How did you know?"

"It sounded like a father's advice."

Nothing is said after that comment, and I start to boil some water and prepare the other ingredients. In the middle of my struggle with an impossible-to-peel-off onion, I feel Kenshin walking next to me, grabbing a knife and starting to cut some vegetables into tinny, rather perfect, little pieces. Shock and surprise invade my body for a moment, before I snap out of my stupor and stop my task to tell him he doesn't need to help me.

He just glances at me for a second, before resuming his task, shaking his head. "I want too."

I furrow my brows. "But you're a guest!"

He raises his eyes and replies. "I'm a friend."

My mouth opens and shuts twice, as I think of other reasons to persuade him to stop chopping the vegetables. "Still, you were invited to have dinner, not help me make it." I tell him in a tiny voice. Is he worried about what I said earlier? That I thought I could manage to make the food edible?

"I don't see what the problem is."

Well…looking at that point, there's no other problem other than him thinking I'm going to kill him with my food. "There's no problem."

Tiling his head to the side, he raises an eyebrow. "Then why are we arguing?"

Thinking for a second, I look at him sheepishly. "You got me."

He laughs. "Let's start then!"

Sighing deeply, feeling once again that I've lost a battle, I nod. "Hai!"

No more words are expressed between us, save for some causal 'excuse me' or 'could you pass me'. I confess I like the silence that usually sets between Kenshin and me. When I'm alone, silence is almost a threat, but when Kenshin is with me, silence is blessing. I heard that we, human beings, held energetic capabilities, which means that, sometimes, one can feel each other's ki. Even though I'm pretty septic about things like that, I confess I do feel a positive energy whenever we're close. I wonder why…maybe it's because of his meditation class.

I chuckle inwardly. Sometimes I'm such a dork.

With Kenshin helping me, I find the task of making dinner much quicker than I'm used to. Washing away the remains of food in my hands, I turn to Kenshin, sighing softly.

"Okay, it's almost ready. All we have to do is waiting for the noodles to finish cooking!" I tell him, and before he can open his mouth to say whatever he was going to say, the phone rings. Moving quickly to the living room, I faintly acknowledge Kenshin trailing behind me. Picking up the phone, I reply nicely to the speaker.

"Moshi-moshi?"

_Koishii, it's me. _Enishi's deep voice sounds from the other side.

I grin. "Hi, Enishi! Dinner is almost ready!" I open my mouth to tell him that Kenshin is here but he continues right away.

_That's why I'm calling…Koi, don't be mad but…I can't make it for dinner tonight._ He tells me slowly, and I can tell he's afraid of my reaction. My eyes cast downwards at his words, but I say nothing, waiting for his explanation.

_I…I have work to do and I really couldn't tell them 'no'. Gomen, Kaoru,…honto ni…_ Enishi pleads at me softly. Of course, it's always work.

Even though I hate to admit, I do feel a deep sadness enter my heart. I was so eager to have him home tonight…Taking a deep breath, I nod, even though he can't see me. "H-Hai, daijoubo yo. I'll see you later then."

_Okay. I love you. Bye._ The phone clicks in my ear, signalling the end of the call.

"Bye." I reply softly, even though he's no longer on the other side. Maybe I'm a coward, but I don't want Kenshin to know Enishi hung up without waiting for my reply. He must have been in a hurry… Filling my lungs with air, I turn to Kenshin, placing the happiest face I can manage at this moment.

"Well…it seems it's just us! More food to eat! That is…if you like it." Oh great, I'm babbling. Well done Kaoru.

Kenshin's leaning against the kitchen's doorframe, looking at me with intense worried eyes. Tiling his head to the side, he observes my every move like a hawk. "He can't make it?"

Shrug carelessly, trying to avoid him. "No, he has to stay late at work. I'll check the noodles." I say, quickly walking past him, entering the kitchen.

"Kaoru-san," I stop and turn to him, giving what I hope to be a carefree smile, "Honesty above all."

Unsure of what to answer, I nod slowly and turn to the boiling noodles. _What did that mean?_ Brushing that aside, I turn off the stove, pausing a moment to inhale the wonderful smell coming from the boiling noodles. Kenshin asks me where the plates are and soon, we are sitting on the dinning table, looking intensively at our plates, waiting for one of us to take the first bite. I tell him to start first, since he's visit, but he goes again into 'I'm not a visit, I'm a friend' thing, so I take the first bite.

As soon as the small piece enters my starving mouth, my eyes widen. "It's delicious!"

Kenshin grins. "See? It seems my help didn't turn out that bad…" He says jokingly, taking a polite amount of noodles to his mouth, turning slightly flushed when a few string remains outside his mouth.

I smile inwardly, but decide against mocking him. "I never said it was going to be bad."

"We make a good team!" He tells me after cleaning the remaining sauce at his chin.

I nod. "Hai. It's strange…" Trailing off, I take another bite of our delicious dish. Seriously, one would think that noodles can't be much different when you cook them or another person cooks them, but it's definitely true! With Kenshin's help, it's somewhat more…tasteful. Hum…I'll end up opening a noodle's house with him someday.

I chuckle inwardly at my insane thoughts.

"What is?" Kenshin asks, snapping me out of my reverie. I blink once, trying to remember what the reason of his question is.

_Oh right… _"Usually I never divide my cooking time with Enishi. He's just…not that talented to work in the kitchen." I tell him simply, not really minding to explain him how Enishi almost burned down the kitchen the first time he tried to make breakfast. Men just aren't talented to kitchen affairs, as much as I hate to admit this. Even though the greatest Chefs in the world are men… Go figure!

"Maybe it's because he's used to having you cook for him. Trust me…living alone obligated me to learn everything about a house." His voice is serious, but his features show me otherwise.

I raise an eyebrow. "You don't have a maid?"

"Iie."

I ponder on that, raising both eyebrows, glancing at my plate. "Interesting."

"Why?"

Looking at him with a loose smile at my lips, I shake my head absently. "You continue to surprise me. You're a doctor whose free occupation is drawing and meditating and you even are your own house maid!"

He chuckles. "Tiring?"

"Iie…fascinating."

Nodding in appreciation, he utters a soft, "Thank you" before turning his attention to his dinner once again.

Once again, silence sets upon us as naturally as the moon rises in the sky. Wow, am I poetic today! Maybe it's due to Kenshin being here. Even if I can't explain why, I do feel more relaxed when he's around. Ever since I've met him, my hypochondria seems to quiet down each time we meet. Slowly, silently, my worries subside as a new feeling enters my mind. Something so new, so…unexplainable. Silence doesn't last long as Kenshin breaks my thoughts, beginning another conversation all of a sudden.

"Kaoru-san." He calls me quietly.

Raising my eyes to meet his, I tile my head to the side. "Hai?"

There's hesitation in his face for a moment before he finally poses his question. "Could you tell me more about your hypochondria?"

My heart thumps widely inside my chest and I fight the urge to clench the area above my beating heart. A wave of intense heat flashes from my head to toes and I feel this difficult in swallowing. Ordering myself to stop fretting about this, I put myself together and look up at him. "What do you want to know?" I ask him, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

He doesn't seem to acknowledge my unease as he poses his next question in a strong yet caring voice. "Do you know why or when exactly you became a hypochondriac?"

I'm half expecting for a small notebook to pop out of nowhere, but nothing happens. Kenshin is simply looking at me, waiting patiently for my answer. Taking a deep breath, I seek to relax as I slowly tell him what he wants to know. "Well…it was about ten years ago, that much I'm sure of…but I don't know why. I remember when I started feeling differently regarding diseases and death. I haven't been able to stop it ever since."

He nods in a professionally way, and I fight the urge to snort. And here he was saying he was only a friend. Right now, all I can see is a professional doctor trying to understand his patient's symptoms. "Do you talk about this with anyone?"

Might as well tell him everything so that this topic is forgotten. "I have a friend of mine, who is also a doctor, she knows about my problem, although sometimes I wonder if she fully understands it. There's also my…my…um…" My voice falters. I really don't want to tell him that…well, that I'm seeing a--

"Your psychiatrist?"

_Sigh. Forget about not wanting to tell him. _I nod uncertainly, lowering my eyes. "H-Hai…"

"I'm not judging you Kaoru-san. I went to a psychiatrist too after…my son's death." He tells me softly, making me raise my eyes to his face once again when he touches his son's death once again. I guess he's back on being just a friend. "Actually, it was him who indicated meditation lessons. He figured that after being with him for two years and no results were achieved, maybe alternative medicine would help me. And it did."

It may sound strange, but I find myself relaxing at his words, allowing a small snort to come out. "I guess she's starting to feel desperate with me too. She's starting to try games with me…poor Keiko-san…"

"Games?"

I nod; no longer embarrassed about admitting I need a psychiatrist. He's been in one too, so I guess I don't feel awkward anymore. "Hai. Mind games, where you're supposed to let your unconscious speak for itself and so, find some answers you weren't aware of."

He nods with both his eyebrows raised, obviously surprised and interested in the game I just explained. "Oh…did you find any?"

I open my mouth to answer but stop abruptly when fragments of that game assault my mind.

"_Water."_

"_Cleanness."_

"_War."_

"_Senseless."_

"_Peace."_

"_Kenshin."_

My voice, oh so prepared to come out and answer, stops right in my throat when I realise what I was about to tell him. Closing my mouth, I gather my thoughts and swallow. "I'm…not sure yet! I think I have to try it a couple more times…" _Make it a dozen…_

"What answer are you trying to find?"

"The answer to change my life…"

"I'm sure it'll come with time. Don't force the situation. One day, you'll find that answer and you won't even need those games."

"You think?"

"I'm sure."

"Thank you…I always seem to forget I'm talking to a doctor…" I tell him sheepishly.

"I'm just Kenshin tonight."

I try to find something to say, but no words are capable to build a logical sentence. Instead, I smile at him and nod, resuming my dinner in a content silence.

We finish soon and I notice miserably I don't have any dessert. I look at him sheepishly, but he only smiles and say that he's not very fond of desserts. So polite, ne? I think everyone is fond of desserts. Mou… Defeated by my own fault, I rise from my seat and start cleaning the table. Kenshin helps, obviously, and soon the kitchen is as clean as before we started making dinner. We head to the living room and Kenshin sits on the main couch, looking outside. I am about to sit when I remind of something.

"Would you like a cup of warm tea?" I ask him. We did share a cup of tea that day he invited me to have lunch.

He seems to ponder on my offer. "Will you be drinking?"

"Hai."

Kenshin nods, pleased with my answer. "Then I'll accept it, thank you. Do you want help?" He asks, already rising from his seat, but I stop him with a hand.

"Kenshin-san…please…it's only boiling water. How could you help in _that_?" What is he afraid of? That I burn down the house? I shouldn't have said that about my food being at least edible…he's _afraid!_

Smiling sheepishly, he scratches the back of his head, suddenly looking like a young boy who just messed up on his words. I wonder if his soon would look like this…"Good point. Maa, I'll wait here then."

Great. I grin, turning to the kitchen. "I'll be back in a second."

Not a second, but five minutes later, I re-enter the living room with two tea cups in a small tray. Kenshin is looking to the outside view, turning to me when I set down the tray and hand him his cup of tea. He thanks and returns his attention to the night life outside.

"You have a nice view to the outside world."

I nod, blowing softly my tea to get it colder. "Hai. It was one of the main reasons I wanted to buy this apartment. These large windows are fantastic. During the day, sun enters this living room as if he was in here. And at night…being able to watch both heaven and earth starts is just…" I trail off, trying to find the right word to describe the scene in front of our eyes.

"Mesmerizing."

I smile at his definition. "Hai."

"They're somewhat lonely, aren't they?" Kenshin questions softly. I wonder what he's thinking…

"Who?" I ask, wincing when the hot tea touches my tongue. I hate burning my tongue.

"The stars. And the lights all over the city."

I think about it for a moment. "I'd say they make you feel fulfilled and lonely at the same time." I pause. "It's so beautiful to watch the starts and wonder just how much exists outside our small world. It's funny to stare at an illuminated apartment and try to guess who lives in there, what do they do for a living, if he or she is married…" I do that…lots of times. It's not spying or anything. It's just…curiosity, I guess.

A faraway look is set upon Kenshin's eyes as we both glance at the life outside. "But at the same time they make you feel lonely. Because you're alone in your house, watching as other people live through each night with someone or something by their side. And you end up thinking…" Kenshin's voice is so soft that I feel like I'm being hypnotised.

"Why am I alone?" I whisper, feeling my heart tighten in my chest.

"Hai…"

I'm quiet for a while, but soon, I'm telling him one of my theories again. "I guess we choose to be alone."

He lifts his face from his tea to look at me intensively. "You think so?"

I nod. "Yes. I believe we choose that for ourselves. The question is…why don't we get out of it?"

He blows his tea absently before looking at the small globe set beside the tray. "Maybe we're afraid."

"Afraid?"

"Yes, afraid. Maybe we're just so customized with our lives that we fear to change them. We fear the unknown."

He speaks with so much acknowledge that I can't help but wonder…"Do you feel like that?"

"Not right now…" Kenshin says softly, raising his eyes to meet mine.

I feel my face getting hotter by the second, turning my attention to the cup between my hands._ Is it just me or is he flirting?_ I look into his face and notice his faraway look once again. Yep, it's just me.

Suddenly, the phone rings, disturbing our…reflecting moment. I almost felt like I was with Keiko-san. Turning to the phone behind me, I lift the speaker. "Moshi-moshi?"

_Enishi?_ A voice totally foreign to me asks from the other side.

I furrow my brows. "No, this is Kaoru speaking."

_Who?_

"Kaoru." I repeat.

_Isn't this Enishi's house?_ The voice asks again, after a short pause.

Raising my eyebrow, I explain confusedly. "Hai, it is. But he's not home right now."

_And who are you again?_

I grit my teeth in annoyance. "I'm Kaoru…Enishi's fiancée?" I ask sarcastically. He doesn't know who I am!

_Oh right! Gomen ne. I was wondering if he was there but you already answered my question. Tell him to give me a call when he gets back from wherever he is; The staff's looking all over for him. Anyway, thanks!_

Before I could say another word, the phone's dead line started ringing in my ear. Placing the phone down, I try to process all that just happened, unaware of Kenshin's worried gaze on me until he brakes my thoughts with his concerned voice.

"Kaoru-san?"

Lifting my eyes from the phone, I turn to him with a forced smile. "It was someone looking for Enishi!"

He furrows his brows. "But wasn't he working late?"

I shrug. "Yeah…well…maybe he's out to dinner!" I say, waving a hand to brush off the topic.

Kenshin nods uncertainly.

Glancing outside the window, I feel something building inside my chest so tightly that is hard to breathe.

_If not…where is he?

* * *

_

To Be Continued…

A/N: I know! It's been…(counts time)…almost two months since my last update and I APOLOGIZE! I know you're expecting an explanation but…(makes puppy face)…I don't have one. I declare myself GUILTY! I was just out of inspiration to write. There, I said it! I was lazy, then I got very sick, then it was my birthday and then it was UPDATING TIME! So, sorry, gomen.

I hope you all like this chapter!

I want to thank my two new BETA-READERS! THANK YOU, for your help and support!

**To the reviewers: **cherryblossomsx; sasurai; Yugata Tenshi; ss1128; luvHaru7; Lady Dark Angel; Neko-Yuff16; kawaii meeh; crasyducky; Jess-chan of the Nya Nya Neko; Universal Fighter; royal blueKitsune; aoi senshi; reader-kikilala; wh00t; Chikifriend; Reignashii; Peachie-Chan; Corporate Lullabies; tkdl; animeobsessed3191;WhiteRabbit5. I'm sorry for not answering your reviews personally, but my classes have just started and I just wanted to post the chapter as soon as possible. So please, know that I loved every single review of you, and that all of you are very important to me!

Tell me what you think, okay?

Thank you all for your support! I love reviews! And I love you all! And thank you for being so patient with me (grins)!

Bye! Ciao! Adios! Ja ne! Au revoir! Adeus! I haven't learn German yet

Agnes.


	17. Twisted Roles

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Sixteen: Twisted Roles **

For the first time in 10 long years, I woke up this morning with no thoughts about diseases or death in my mind. I opened my eyes and felt…peaceful. Dinner with Kenshin was great. He's a wonderful listener and, actually, a good therapy. In fact, I even told him that and earned a heart-felt laugh from him, and another of his wise replies.

He's a good friend…

Funny to think that we've only know each other for a month…I feel so comfortable around him. Well, sometimes I'm embarrassed…but the fact is that he has done me some good. I don't even need to take my sleeping-pills anymore! Maybe it's not _just _because of him, since I've been tired and emotionally stressed due to…

Enishi…

His name had snapped into my brain this morning so quickly that all peace I could possibly be feeling dissolved in thin air. And I stayed depressed and worried for the rest of the day.

The day went…normal. I designed clothes, listened to another of my boss's monologues, went to lunch with the girls, designed more clothes, and returned home after a frenetic ride in a completely full bus. _And_, it was raining.

So, home was blessing. As soon as I entered my apartment, my bags and wet coat were thrown carelessly to a chair and I allowed my tired body to drop dead on the couch.

And I've been staring at the ceiling since then.

Enishi is hiding something, obviously. Even Kenshin glanced at me sideways when I told him Enishi wasn't coming home for dinner after all. How embarrassing…and painful. But the more I try to understand, the more I get confused. Maybe I should try that list of possibilities Keiko-san taught me…Let's see: Enishi is different. Why?

A) He's cheating, although I continue to disagree with that, even if Misao is fully convinced.

B) He's dying and he doesn't want to tell me.

I stop, blinking twice.

Where did _that_ come from?

He's _not_ sick! Sure, he looks tired, but he would tell me if something was wrong with him, right? I mean, who on Earth wouldn't say to the person they love that they were sick?

'A lot of people', a small voice answers me on the back of my head.

I know that you idiotic voice. I've read a lot of cases that sick people refuse to tell to their loved ones that they are sick do that they don't suffer longer than needed.

But I'm sure that's not Enishi's case.

Sigh. I'm running out of topic here.

Before I can think of another possibility, the phone rings, startling me. Sitting up, I grab the phone.

"Moshi-moshi?"

'_Kaoru!'_

I smile faintly. "Hey Misao." Here we go…

'_What's going on?'_

"Nani? What do you mean 'what's going on'? I just said 'hi'!"

'_Well, you said 'hi' in a very strange voice! Care to tell me what's wrong? And don't lie! Oh wait, don't answer. It's Enishi, right? That good for nothing boyfriend of yours…I bet he's gay!'_

"WHAT! Misao-"

'_Seriously, think with me. He's always away and when he's with you, he barely touches or shows any sort of affection towards you. Maybe he's no longer attracted because he found out he likes the other way around!'_

She is completely… "Are you drunk?"

'_Of course not! But, hey, it's possibility!'_

"No, it's not. And he's not gay! I can't believe you said that!" I hiss.

'_What? Some people are married for 20 years, have kids, and suddenly the guy realizes he's gay and they divorce!'_

"That's a completely different situation."

'_Even if it is, what do you think it's going on?'_

"I don't know."

'_Are you planning on doing something about it?'_

"I don't know…"

"_You know what? You ponder too much.'_

I blink at that. "I ponder too much?"

'_Yes! People should think and act, not think and ponder and ponder and ponder and then, if they reach to the conclusion that they should act upon their pondering, they act.'_

"…"

'_I mean, do you ponder when you have a spider in front of you? Do you ponder if the animal is essential to life? Or you simply just yell and kill it?'_

I furrow my brows. "…I'm not quite following…" Why is she talking about spiders?

She sighs_. 'Never mind…at least tell me. Why don't you confront him? I mean, no one on this Earth knows better what's going on than Enishi himself. So ask him! Back him against the wall!'_

"What if I'm wrong and he gets mad because I suspected him?"

'_If you're wrong…think of yourself as lucky. And I shall never talk bad of Enishi again.'_

That causes me to raise an eyebrow. "That's a big promise…"

'_I'm telling you. Confront him, and if you find nothing's going on other than him working late, I'll never think or say anything bad about him again.'_

"Fine, I'll think about it."

'_See? You ponder too much…'_

I roll my eyes. "Whatever, Misao."

Silence sets up between us as I wait for her to continue talking. When she doesn't for a moment, I interrupt the silence. "Did you call me for that?"

'_Huh? Oh right, I almost forgot! One of Aoshi's partners is throwing a party in two weeks, due to some contract they signed, and he said to invite our friends! And I immediately thought of you, of course!'_

I grimace. "Misao…I'm not in the mood to go to a party…especially with Enishi and this entire situation. Besides, I doubt he would be able to accompany me…"

'_Who ever spoke about Enishi? Find another date!'_

"Find another date? I'm _engaged_ Misao…I'm not going to that party with another man!"

'_Why not? It's just to accompany you!'_

"Why do I have to go with a date?"

'_Because it will be all dressed up like…prom, although we're not eighteen anymore!'_ She says, laughing at her own joke.

"So? I went to prom without date…" I did!

'_That's because you were miserable. With don't you ask one of your partners at the company?'_

"No…that would be too awkward."

'_Hum…oh, I know it! Why don't you ask that Kenshin-guy! I bet he'd go!'_

"I am absolutely _not_ asking Kenshin to go with me!" Out of question!

'_Oh, it's 'Kenshin' already? Why wasn't I informed?'_

"Misao." I warn her sternly.

'_Fine, I'll stop it. But you're going with me to that party and that's settled!'_

"We'll see about that. It's in two weeks! I have enough time to ponder about it."

'_See? Pondering…What? Oh okay. Kaoru, I've got to go now. I'll call you tomorrow to know how everything went, okay?'_

"Okay. Bye Misao. Say 'hi' to Aoshi, ne?"

'_Hai. Ganbatte, Kaoru-chan! Ja ne!'_

I sigh, placing the phone back in its support. I'm not intending to go to that party, but why bother telling it now? She'll try to convince me for the next two weeks and I'll end up going due to my ear and mind exhaustion. I'm just not in the mood for parties…

Besides…I still have to face Enishi tonight. And who knows what will come out of it? I may be wrong…or I may be right… And Enishi may react in many different ways.

I roll my neck from side to side, closing my eyes at the feeling. Well, no use thinking about it now… Rising from the couch, I head to the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

Ah…an entire day waiting for this relaxing, warm bath. The bathroom is filled with the deep sense of jasmine, coming from the bath salts I've previously melted inside the tub.

I love these bath salts…they not only leave you perfumed, but they relax your senses, placing your mind at a tranquil level. Kind of a meditation level, only you're definitely more comfortable. I close my eyes, enjoying the cool sensation of the warm water against my skin. I still remember when Enishi and I would take long baths on a Sunday morning. We would just sit in the water, cuddled in each other's arms, talking about endless things.

Now we barely speak with each other… I keep thinking…

When is that time in a relationship, when a look becomes…just a look?

When you're in love, any look coming from the one you love can make you turn into jelly in a second. You feel flustered and nervous, always aware that is all caused by the love you feel. I remember when it was like that between me and Enishi. He's the love of my life and I would do anything to keep him with me.

But time has passed and our looks have become impersonal, un-loved. I no longer tremble from love, I tremble from fear now…from not knowing why he's behaving like that. For not knowing when was the moment that our relationship started becoming…a routine.

As seconds pass, my decision of confronting Enishi is melting in the water. I think I'll have a stroke even before he steps into the house!

I don't think I'm prepared to face him…at all. Maybe I could post-pone it for…I don't know…tomorrow? The day after? Maybe in the weekend it's better…that way I won't have to go to work in the next day. Yes, that's it. I will not confront him today. My day was already hard enough.

It's still raining outside and it soothes my soul, filling me with peace. Closing my eyes, I enjoy the silence of my house, with only the rain's lullaby in my ears, and the warm water calming my muscles.

Peace is all around me…

* * *

"Kaoru? Kaoru! Koishii?"

I open my eyes slowly as I feel my body being shaken by someone. Glancing to my left, I blink twice to confirm what's in front of me. "Enishi?"

He smiles tenderly. "Hey…you got me worried, koi. I'm thankful our bath tub isn't that long, or you would've drowned in there."

Rolling my neck to the side, I realize I'm still inside the bath tub, no longer in warm water, but a freezing one. Shivering a bit, I sit slowly. "I wouldn't have drowned. Maybe swallowed some water, but enough to drown." I mutter, smiling softly at him. "What time is it?"

"It's around nine and with the way you were sleeping in there; I doubt you would notice you were breathing water instead of air."

"You're home early." I point at him, ignoring his remark.

He nods. "I know. Coke on, let's get you out of the freezer." He tells me playfully, before folding his shirt sleeves and circles me with his strong arms.

"You're getting wet." I whisper as he carries me bridal style.

"I don't care." He replies huskily.

I smirk. "Aren't we romantic today?"

Pouting like a crying baby, he gives me a look. "I'm always romantic."

"Oh? Why wasn't I aware?" I tell him, pretending to think about the last time he was romantic.

Now that I think about it…when _was_ the last time he was romantic?

My thoughts are interrupted when I'm abruptly thrown to the bed, squealing all the way. "Well, _that_ wasn't romantic!"

He chuckles, leaning into me. When we're a breath away, he whispers. "Oh? But this is…" And I sigh, as his lips descend upon mine. Circling his arms around me, he holds me tight, as we share this moment of pure…romance.

But…as much as I'm enjoying this new Enishi, I can't help but wonder…_why_ is he new?

I mean…he's kissing me. Even though it pains me to admit it, that hasn't been happening a lot lately. I had forgotten what it felt to be loved by Enishi. Maybe he doesn't pay much attention to what revolves around him, but no one can deny the fact of him being a great lover. He was always surprising me, almost everyday, whether it was with a dinner, or a simple flower…it would mean the world to me.

The kiss ends, and I open my eyes, smiling at the handsome man above me. "Wow…such a nice welcome home! Does it have a reason?"

Tiling his head to the side, he grins loosely. "Why would there be one? I simply love you!" He pauses, slapping my thighs lightly, before rising up. "Dress up. I'm starting up dinner."

I blink.

Okay, so now I'm starting to panic. Sitting on the bed, I stare at the door where Enishi had disappeared only seconds ago.

Am I dreaming?

Pinch.

Ouch! Nope…I'm not…

He is _starting up dinner_? Since when does he cook?

Oh my, oh my, oh my…something's wrong. Please make it _not_ a bad thing!

Kaoru, think! What could it be? He has already asked you to marry him, so that's definitely not it…

"Koi, I need your help in here! I think the oven is alive!" Enishi yells desperately from the kitchen.

I let go of a breath I didn't realize I was holding, chuckling softly and relived. Baka Kaoru, why are you afraid? He's still the same Enishi…so take those stupid thoughts out of your mind and enjoy the night he's giving to you!

Rising from the bed, I dress up quickly and make my way to the kitchen, to save my damsel in distress.

After 'taming down the oven', as Enishi put it, and cooking the rest of the food, dinner was eaten with eagerness. Now, with our stomachs full, we rise from the table, carrying the dishes to the kitchen.

As I turn the tap on, a bigger hand closes on top of mine. Glancing behind my shoulder, I tilt my head questioningly.

Enishi smiles and closes his arms around my waist, placing a soft kiss on my neck. "Don't do the cleaning now. Let's sit on the couch and enjoy a little quality time…please?" He pleads with a big baby face.

Smiling back at him, I nod, drying my hands on the hand-towel, and allow him to 'drag' me to the living room.

As soon as we sit on the couch, after lighting the fireplace, Enishi turns to me and hugs me tightly, surprising me all of a sudden. Wrapping my arms around him, I embrace him back, leaning my forehead on his shoulder. What a wonderful night…I open my mouth to voice my thoughts, but something stops me.

There's something wetting my shoulder.

Furrowing my brows, I try to face Enishi, but he just tightens his hold. "Enishi…?" I ask worriedly when I feel him shaking slightly under my arms.

He's crying…

"God…I love you so much…" He whispers next to my ear, choking in his sobs.

"Enishi, you're scarring me. What's wrong? Why are you crying?" I don't know what to do! I've never seen him crying before…

I hear him sniffle and, ever so slowly, he releases me, with his head hanging low, not meeting my eyes. I think my heart is deciding whether to stop beating or not…I just can't bear to see him like this…so fragile…

"Please tell me what's wrong…" I plead softly.

Enishi swallows deeply, showing how he definitely doesn't want to answer me. Silence fills the room and I feel my hope flying out of the window. Whatever is causing his suffering, it's not good…not good at all.

After some breathtaking moment, Enishi finally looks at me, deeply into my eyes. The tension rises between us and I feel goose-bumps in my skin, anticipating his words.

"Koishii…please know…that I, I love you with all I am and that…I'm really sorry for not being there for you every time you needed, but know that…I've always lived my days with you in my mind, heart and soul."

Breath caught inside my lungs, I whisper fearfully. "Why are you telling me this?"

He closes his eyes for a second, before opening them, looking sorrowfully into mine. "Kaoru…I'm leaving Japan."

Decision made…

…my heart stops.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N:** HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I hope 2006 brings new experiences, new knowledge, new emotions and friendships to you ALL! Thank you for your reviews! Did you know I had 28 reviews in my last chapter? That's more than I've ever reached! YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME! And I shall now begin to use this new function of replying to my reviewers :D

I hope you liked this chapter.

As you can see, mystery was solved, ne? Enishi wasn't betraying Kaoru, he never would. I wanted to show you the real Enishi because, in my opinion, he never actually wants to hurt anybody but Kenshin in the series. And all he does is because he's mentally disturbed because of Tomoe's death and he only wants her to smile at him. Besides…when Kaoru was with him…he never hurt her…so, in my fic, I wanted to show how human he really is. He was simply trying to delay this moment, when he knew both he and Kaoru would suffer a lot. He is a great lover and handsome, and has a heart.

So, maybe some of you will not like this out turn, but I think it's more…human.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK, NE? PLEASE!

Bye bye to you ALL and thank you for your constant support!

Agnes.


	18. Gloom

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

A/N: MOST SPECIAL THANKS TO MY BETA-READER! waves frenetically I also wanted to warn you all that is, by far, my most long chapter ever! SO, enjoy, ne? Oh and…

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! puppy eyes

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Seventeen: Gloom**

I don't know how many hours, days…weeks have passed since…

…since…

Stubborn tears start falling against my will, marking wet trails on my cheeks, reminding me from the pain all over again.

I've never felt so alone since… "Father…"

How can tears still fall from the eyes when you're closing them as hard as you can? Why do they still fall when you're trying as hard as you can to block the pain they represent? Why are they still here? Why am I here?

Why?

I sob heavily. "Oh, God!" I shout to the silence of my house. "I don't really know if You're there…but why am I suffering like this? Why? Why am I suffering again?" I ask in a whisper, hoping that my questions are carried away and, somehow…someone listens to them and answers.

Some say there's no such thing as soul, but how can my heart twist so much inside my chest if it's only an organ? How can I feel like I'm stabbed and bleeding to death if I have no soul? My chest fills with deep and sorrow and loneliness, as tears continue to fall down. "What did I do?"

Memories reach my mind and I clench the pillow. "What did I do?"

Curled up in the couch, clenching my heart as tears fall from my eyes, I surrender myself to my despair, my pain, my suffering.

Seeing myself in this state, I realise that I've never thought much about suffering after…my father's death. I've been so occupied making up diseases I don't have that I've never wasted a second to make up the possibility of being alone in life once again.

Enishi was gone.

He left me alone…broke off the engagement…and shattered my heart and my life. All for the sake of his job.

It was always his job…

* * *

_A week before…_

The words left his mouth and time stood still. I don't consider myself dumb but, at the moment, I'm incapable of thinking straight.

How can he…? Just like that? I-I… For how long? Going where? Why can't I go? Does he really love me?

Who am I?

"Koishii?" Enishi's voice shakes me out of my not-so-brilliant stupor.

Blinking rapidly, I faintly acknowledge the fact that he's holding my hands, squeezing them like someone squeezing oranges, as if understanding my sudden shock and trying to fix everything back.

Can you fix a broken heart? A broken life?

I can't believe this is happening…to me…now… I can't believe this…

My vision starts to get blurry as I watch the floor under my feet. In the midst of the tornado I have inside my mind right now, I try to remember how I reacted the last time I've heard the same words…and, ironically enough, my mind is blank when I try to go back in time and remember. A thousand questions rush for miles an hour and I start breathing heavily.

Then…as I dare to blink, I feel a moisture agonizingly slow trailing down my cheek and as it falls from my chin, Hell brakes through. When my mouth opens to say something, all it comes out is a painful choked sob. Turning my face to the window, I shut my eyes tightly, ordering them not to cry, not to brake break in front of him. My lower lip quivers unwillingly and I feel his hand touch my shoulder. Shrugging it off, I shake my head vigorously, still facing the wall.

With my hand raised up to prevent him from saying something, I snap out of my silent misery when I feel his soft lips kiss the palm of my hand. As if burning all of a sudden, I retrieve my hand quickly and turn sharply to him. My vision is blurred, making his figure tremble before me. Shock becomes pain and pain becomes anger in a split of a second. With my chest breathing heavily, I feel a sudden need to slap him. Really hard.

"How can you…" I start slowly, feeling my anger and pain building up with each word, "_kiss_ my hand…after saying that you're _leaving_ me?"

Enishi swallows quickly, blinking confusedly at me. Furrowing his eyebrows and carrying a guilty look, he reaches out for my hands once again. "K-Koishii…I just…I-I want to comfort you…for-"

"Comfort me?" I spat out the word, looking at him in disbelief as tears flow down my eyes like torrents. "You want to _comfort_ me? Enishi? Comfort me? Well, I don't want your _comfort_!" I hissed, snatching my hands out of his grip.

"Kaoru I-"

"Don't. Just…is that why you were so distant the past weeks? You mislead me all this time?" I voiced out painfully, feeling a strong pain inside my chest, making it difficult to breathe. Can life be this cruel? Why is Fate taking someone I loved away from me yet again?

Am I destined to be alone?

The man I used to trust, love and cherish lowers his head in shame and guilt, not needing to say a word for me to know the answer. Oh… "So you thought that making me feel like shit was going to make it less painful?"

Snapping his head up, he shakes it quickly. "Of course not, Kaoru! I never wanted you to feel like that…ever…" He trails off, as if trying to figure out what to say.

It's pitiful. "I felt like I wasn't loved anymore. I silently wondered where I had gone wrong…and sometimes I felt…I just wasn't enough for you-"

Wrapping his arms around me tightly, he presses his face in my hair, taking a deep breath. "You were enough! You _are_ more than enough for me, Kaoru. Please hear me out…do you think it's easy for me to do this?"

I open my mouth but he continues. "It's not. Do you think I'm not aware that I should've paid more attention to you? Don't you think it hurts me to have to make a choice between you and my career? I am devastated. Devastated because I'll have to leave you…and because I know you would never follow me…" He tells me silently, and I allow the words to sink in.

All of a sudden, another voice fills my mind…

'_I think you're afraid to be happy. That's why you create obstacles to it. You say you want to go to Florence, but you probably never will because you're afraid.' _

'_You're afraid to live.'_

A sharp pain hits my heart like a bullet and I slowly let out a breath. Shame assaults my being, overcoming the pain and anger I was feeling a moment ago. Lowering my head, I slowly push myself from his arms, rising up from the couch and approach the wide window watching the night outside. It hurts to know that he's leaving me, but it hurts more at this moment to know that even Enishi knows that I would never be able to make such a decision. That my fears overcome my will to live and love, and that I'm losing him now because of that.

It's my fault.

I realise now, painfully, that maybe all our problems in the past until this moment were probably caused by me. Somehow, in some way, my way of being caused the distance between us. Now, I see that Enishi wasn't oblivious to me as I thought he was. I've misjudged him, and now he's leaving.

Swallowing deeply, I let out a painful breath...and with it, my happiness. "So this...is a break up..."

I can't see but his silence answers for him once more.

Strangely enough, after his small confession, my tears ceased. Maybe I'm in shock, or perhaps, I've simply accepted the truth. I don't know. Nodding slowly, I turn to him, taking a moment to observe him carefully. How his silver spiky hair falls right into place, framing his beautiful features. His brown -yellow eyes, that once had looked at me predatorily, now looked sad and disturbed.

Struggling to keep my voice steady, I ask quietly. "When are you leaving?"

Enishi sighs, running a hand through his soft hair. "Tomorrow morning..."

I wince at his answer, feeling an overwhelming need to cry all over again. And here I thought they had ceased. To think that only a few hours ago, I was planning on having a wonderful romantic night with my fiancé, and now I'm saying goodbye to my ex-fiancé.

Ex-fiancé.

The word echoes in my mind for a moment, before settling in like a hard rock. And at that thought, I feel my walls and bravery fall down, and I drop to the floor, sobbing hard against the carpet.

From that moment to the next day, my mind went black.

* * *

_Present time…_

I faintly remember him packing up his bags and leaving the house, but no other details fill my mind. All that I know; all that I remember…is that I'm alone. Alone to fight my misery, alone to fight my fears, alone to live…

…alone to die.

Letting out a chuckled sob, I cry in angst against the pillow in my arms. Thoughts have been assaulting my brain since the day he left, confronting me with a truth I don't want to believe. With Enishi gone, I'm alone. Will I ever be able to find someone who will love me? I'm such a strange person, a hypochondriac no less! Are there many men willing to live their entire lives with someone who thinks the flour is poisoned and the air contaminated?

When my brain answers my silent question, I feel worse then I was before…

Of course not.

No one in their perfect state of sanity would love, cherish or even marry a woman like me. A woman sick with a disease no one can see or feel but she. A woman with so many fears, that won't even have the courage to leave the country on vacations. A fragile woman, afraid to ride the bus or touch something that will cause a major infection in her body. A woman sad about her way of living, but too weak to fight it.

A woman like me.

'_I'll wait forever.'_

Kenshin said that to me the day we were at the park. His words had done wonders with my soul that day and I felt happy and relieved. But I can't help to wonder…

Did he mean that or was he simply trying to help me? Because, trust me, waiting for me to overcome one of my fears could take a long, long, long…long, long, time. He already lost his family. Why would he waste another period of his life trying to change what I've been for the last decade?

I wouldn't even allow him to.

He's not responsible for me nor should he focus his energies on a lost case.

I sniffle, reaching out to grab another Kleenex when my phone rings yet again. Not in the mood to talk to absolutely anyone, I lean against the couch and blew my noose, waiting for the irritating sound to stop.

Freezing with the Kleenex against my nose, I sob loudly while listen to the recorded message.

"_Hello, you've reach Kaoru and Enishi's house. We're not here at the moment so just leave a message and one of us will call you later!"_

I must _really_ change that…now more than…ever… Sobbing uncontrollably against the pillow, I faintly listen to someone trying to reach me over the phone.

"_Kaoru? For God sake, where are you and what's going on? You haven't been out of your house for a week now and won't even pick up the phone or let us in! I'm your best friend, I deserve your trust! Pick up the phone Kaoru! Please pick up…please…Kaoru? I know you're there! Kaoru! Pick the phone UP! Please Kaoru! Please?"_

Silence.

"_Fine…when you're ready, call me instantly, okay? I'm worried sick with you…really…bye…"_

Am I wrong?

Am I being _selfish_?

For the past week, I've received…countless phone calls and recorded messages. Some even came knocking at my door…Misao…Kari…Yume…even _Aoshi_ came here.

But I just can't see them right now. I now they're right to be worried, after all, I haven't been around nor said anything since…since Enishi left. I can't bring myself to tell them what happened. They'll want to know everything and I'll end up crying my heart out, with them cuddling me and offering their comfort which, at this moment, is not nearly close enough.

I blink.

I _am_ being selfish…but I know Misao won't ever stop until she gets the entire story and that would be very painful to me right now.

My stomach rumbles loudly, causing me to glare at it. "Reclaim whatever you like…"

With that settled; my overstressed hungry and tired body lays on the couch and I feel sleep embrace ever so slowly…

* * *

"_Come on Kaoru-chan! We're going to miss the festival!"_

"_Coming Kaa-san!" A nine year old girl yelled, closing the door of her room and running as fast as she could to catch up with her parents already standing by the door. Smiling brightly at them, she put on her geta sandals and, reaching out to grab her beloved okaa-san's hand, they left the apartment happily._

_Eyes sparkling with happiness, little Kaoru looked around frantically so that no detail of the city's festival would escape her young beautiful sapphire blue eyes. It was mid-autumn and the city was alive. _

_Nagoya's festival was one of the many occasions the city would stop all they were doing and enjoy the celebrations. On this time of the year, Kaoru's favourite, the festival included a parade with men representing the three great historical figures from Aichi Prefecture: Oda Nobunanga, Tototomi Hideyoshi and Tokugawa Ieyasu. To Kaoru, it was the drums processions and the locals dressed as samurai that enchanted her. Lights and laughter everywhere, making Kaoru believe that no other place in the entire world could be better than Nagoya._

"_Are you happy Hime-chan?" A male voice asked the little girl walking with a large smile plastered on her face. _

_Looking up to her father, Kaoru nodded happily, before turning to look at her mother. "Okaa-san, are we late to see the parade?"_

_Her beloved mother, with raven dark hair and sweet gentle eyes looked down at her and smiled. "No my love, we'll arrive in time."_

_Grinning widely, Kaoru jumped in excitement, pulling her parents to move faster, "Kaa-san, tou-san, haiyaku! HAIYAKU!"

* * *

_

I am jolted awake with an insistent knock on my door. Blinking away to clear the sleep in my eyes and clenching my fast beating heart, I furrow my brows looking at my wrist clock. _10 pm_…Who could it be?

There's another knock and, this time, a voice follows. "Kaoru-san?"

Widening my eyes, I cover my mouth with my hands in shock.

"Kaoru-san, are you there? It's Kenshin…"

Letting go of my breath, I look towards the door. What is Kenshin doing here? At this time? How? Why?

_Who_ asked him to come?

Somehow, I have an incline…Pain stabs in my chest again, as I know that it was probably Misao who called him in a desperate move and asked him to come and see what was happening.

Well, I'm not in the mood for anyone…and that includes Kenshin. I mean, what am I going to do? Open my door and sob like a lost soul against his shoulder? I may be miserable but I didn't loose common sense.

"Kaoru-san?" He voices again, his tone worried.

My eyes water again. Why would he be worried about me? He doesn't even know me…

Sniffing against my pillow, I lay on the couch again, trying to block the man outside my door.

"Kaoru-san, I came here to see if you are alright. I…I understand if you don't want to talk. I'll wait for the moment you are ready." He says softly, and not another sound follows his words.

Realising that he left, I cry harder against the pillows, frustrated with myself for wishing two opposite things at the same time: wanting him to stay and to leave…

* * *

I open my eyes feeling a terrible empty feeling at my stomach. Grimacing, I slowly sit up, clutching my belly with a hand. My cheeks are stuck with dried tears, my nose is blocked and my eyes are burning. Glancing at my wrist clock, I sigh at the hour. "3 am. That's great…" Muttering quietly to myself, I slowly rise from the couch, pausing to stretch my limbs. I've been sitting and lying for too long…

Making my way to the kitchen to grab some food, I curse inwardly when my feet get caught in a large sweatshirt lying carelessly on the floor. Shoving the piece of clothe aside, I enter the kitchen, only to find the fridge empty and every other drawer free of edible food.

Grimacing at the sight, I grumble, leaning against the counter. "Just perfect…"

After a few seconds of denial, I finally accept my destiny. I'll _have_ to go those 24/7 groceries shops or I'll die of hunger. Cursing my situation, I slowly make my way to the living room, searching on top of the table for a…somewhat clean sweatshirt.

Since Enishi…_left_…I've tried not to get inside that room. So, as result, I've been dressing all the available clothes that had been waiting to be ironed, which, by now, were all a little bit…dirty. My eyes spot one though and I bend over to grab it.

With the red clothe around my torso, I turn to the door but halt in front of the hall's mirror. What greets me on the other side gives me a deep shiver through my spine.

I look like I'm dying.

My already creamy skin is drained off all possible colour, causing all my small marks and spots on my face to stand out. My dark eye bags create a sort of panda effect, combining with my un-combed-for-a-week dark locks. My nose is swallowed; my eyes are swallowed, my mouth smells…and I'm dressed like a homeless.

Staring at my reflection for a second, I take my eyes of the mirror. _Whatever…it's not like I have someone to please anyway…_

Grabbing my wallet lying carelessly on top of the couch, and making sure there's enough money inside, I slowly make my way to the door.

The door knob turned and I scream out loud when a body tumbles down at my feet. Blinking rapidly, I stare widely at the person moaning softly, before opening his eyes to look up at me. "K-Kenshin-san!" Bending over quickly, I grab his hand, pulling him up. Watching as he brushes his clothes, straightening himself, I blink once again trying to process everything.

"What…what are you doing here?"

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N:** Hello people! Long time no see, ne? Mou…I'm so shameful…but I haven't had the time to post the story before. This chapter wasn't so small, but I realised that, if I kept writing everything I wanted; it would be too long…SO, the rest of the chapter will be in the next chapter! This meaning that I've divided the chapter in two, for better reading…okay?

I hope you all like this one…I've been working very hard in my life, so finishing a chapter takes a long time…I'm sorry, but I really can't do anything…I've even stopped being beta-reader from a dear friend because of my now hectic life…but I'm loving each second so it's worth it! And I hope this chapter will be worth the wait!

Please, I want to know all your opinions! So…you know this one already…

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!

grins

Bye bye all of you!

Agnes.


	19. I Know You Enough

Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

A/N: MOST SPECIAL THANKS TO MY BETA-READER! waves frenetically ALSO, a warning…I'm introducing Kenshin's POV in this chapter. I know this was supposed to always follow Kaoru's POV, but Kenshin is becoming essential and will be more and more as the story grows. Now, please note that I'll be exposing Kenshin's thoughts and emotions, so I hope you won't be disappointed. I'm aware that, by not exposing his character from the begging, you all must have, by now, created your own Kenshin in your own universe. I just hope you'll like my-Kenshin's thoughts ) I'll always indicate like " **kenshin's P.O.V** " when the story changes from Kaoru to Kenshin. All other parts that don't have that indication are Kaoru's P.O.V, okay?

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! puppy eyes

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Eighteen: I Know You Enough**

"What…what are you doing here?" I ask him, my hand unconsciously going up to my hair.

I don't look well at all…

Kenshin smiles sheepishly, taking a step forward. "W-Well…I was here earlier and…since you didn't open the door…" He pauses, looking sideways for a second as a faint blush starts appearing close to his nose. "I just…sat down with my back to your door, waiting for you to finally come out. I guess I fell asleep…"

We stay silent after his explanation and I take my time to think over what he said. I may look stupid staring blankly at him as if he is an alien, but, right now, I _do_ think he's an alien. I mean…this is just surreal!

First, why is he even _here_?

And why did he wait?

And _how_ did he know that I was inside the apartment?

Blinking once, I furrow my brows slightly. "Why did you come here?"

He sifts his weight from right to left. "I wanted to see how you were doing…"

"How did you know I was inside the apartment?"

Titling his head to the side, he looks at his wrist clock. "Well…where could you be at three in the morning?"

"Well, why are _you_ here at three in the morning?" I ask him back, not losing a second. I have a slight suspicion…

"I…uh…can I come in?"

Stiffing my back, I look inside quickly, scanning my house which, at the present moment, looks like a pigsty. Turning to him, I reply quickly. "I…haven't had the time to clean it, so it's kind of messy, maybe you could come another time? When it's all cleaned and neat! Because right now it's really not-"

"Kaoru-san." He cuts my babbling in a serious voice.

I'm getting nervous. "H-Hai?"

"I'm a doctor, not a decorator. I don't care if your house looks like a palace or a pigsty." He tells me seriously, causing me to blush at his straight answer.

My mouth opens to reply something, but I'm incapable of voicing anything with his eyes piercing through mine. Giving a heavy sigh, I step away from the door, allowing him to enter my realm of shame. Closing the door behind us, sealing the world outside, I wait patiently for his reaction to my house state. He glances around quickly, before turning to me with a serious face. "What happened?" He asks, motioning at the same time for me to step closer.

Yep, it's _that_ bad… I guess he wasn't expecting it to _really_ look like a pigsty.

Absently, my feet bring me forward and I soon find myself closer to him. Shrugging slightly, I hold my breath when he steps closer, bringing his hands to the back of my neck, adding a pressure at my throat. Looking deep into his eyes, I fight the urge to blink when his strong and stable fingers touch my eyes, checking their appearance. With his hands on my shoulder, he looks at me in a doctor's way. "Slight swollen throat, inflamed eyes and dark eye bags…have you been sleeping lately?"

He's…_examining_ me? I'm so in shock with this turn of events that I feel my head shaking slowly. This is just…too confusing for my present state of mind.

A deep hum comes from his throat. "Your shoulders are down and you seem to drag yourself around the place. Have…have you been taking care of yourself these past few days?"

Blinking, I blush faintly at the worry carried in his professional tone. "I was on my way to the groceries store…" I reply in a small voice, as if I was a child who was being scolded by her father.

He must have been a wonderful father…

Nodding slightly, he gives a small comprehensive smile. "Would you mind if I check the kitchen?"

Flushing at this question, knowing very well the present state of my kitchen, I open my mouth to deny the permission but one look into his deep amethyst eyes and my body fails my brain's command. "S-sure…"

_You weak, weak body…_

With the approval, Kenshin turns and heads to the kitchen as I sit down and wait for him to return. _This is so embarrassing…he's actually going through my kitchen like a mother…why did I open the door? Or better yet, why was _he_ on the other side of it?_

Sigh.

Just a few moments pass and Kenshin returns to the living room, carrying a soft smile. "You're in a deep need of supplies so I'm going out to buy them while you take a bath, alright?" He tells me softly, walking to stand in front of me and hold out a hand.

Looking at his hand, then at his face, I blush embarrassed. "You don't have to go Kenshin-san. I was on my way to-"

"-go there, you've told me already. But why not take a bath and relax your body? From what I saw, you've tired your body this past week in a great level and a warm bath will do you good. I'll take a while so just relax and, please, make sure not to fall asleep inside the tub, ne?"

Nodding absently, I accept his help and reach out to grab his hand, allowing him to pull meup. With a hand placed on my lower back, he walks me to the door leading to my corridor before turning to the front door. "I'll be back soon." With that, I watchhim open the door and exit the apartment.

Staring at the closed door for a couple of seconds, I snort loudly, before turning to the bath room.

"This is _not_ happening…" I mutter to myself, entering the bathroom. Taking of all my…clothes, if you can call them that, I turn to the shower, suddenly yearning for a cold shower to wake me up from this dream. I mean, I can't be awake, right?

Turning the tap on, I yelp loudly as the _extremely_ cold water hits my warm body. Nope…not asleep. As the cold gradually becomes comfortable, I sit on the shower floor and allow my thoughts to drift…

* * *

**Kenshin's P.O.V**

I close the door behind me and wait silently for a moment. When a snort sounds from the inside and little footsteps echo away from the door, I resume my walk to the elevator. Pressing the calling button, I furrow my brows.

To say I was surprised about Makimachi-san's call to my office is an understatement. Firstly, I've never heard of that name before, secondly, the fact that she knew who I was intrigued me and thirdly, and foremost, when she told me the reason of her calling. When I heard her explanation, surprise turned into worry with the blink of an eye and Makimachi-san didn't have to ask twice. In a few moments, I was calling off unimportant appointments and marching my way up to Kaoru-san's apartment.

But my knight in shining armour arrival didn't work out as the only reaction I received from Kaoru-san was…a closed door. Still, Makimachi-san's words were livid inside my head and my worry got over me. So I resumed myself to sit down and wait for some activity inside the apartment. Of course I could've just looked for her landlord but…

…it's not my nature to enter an occupied apartment uninvited. And she obviously didn't want me in there.

I guess sleep beat me in the race of time and I woke up to an unlocking door and the sound of my head bumping hard against the floor. When all senses returned to me, what greeted my eyes shocked me greatly. There, standing in front of me, was a shadow belonging to a woman I couldn't see anymore. What before had light, now was consistent with darkness, emptiness, sadness…hopeless.

Her physical state seems to combine with her current house conditions. If I hadn't been there before, I'd say the house had never known a cleaning in its life. Clothes thrown everywhere, food on the couch, on the table, on the floor…the kitchen is absolutely empty. And dirty. Kaoru-san has tap water to drink. Other than that, it's empty.

What could have caused such degradation?

Just a week ago she was fine and I was having dinner at her place. Now they look like they've been bombarded…

Groceries are made automatically as I keep thinking about Kaoru's strange behaviour. I just can't believe that, for whatever reason she may have, Kaoru would just…give up. What could possibly drain the will to take care of herself out of her?

Carrying as many bags as I can, for it's better to prevent than repair, I thank God there's a groceries store five minutes away from Kaoru-san's apartment. I just hope she's already cleaned and dressed, sitting on the couch, watching television or something.

Entering the building, I nod at the doorman who simply raises an eyebrow, and head to the elevators, pressing the call button with my knee. Leaning against the cold surface, I check the time at the wall clock above the doorman's desk. It's already four hours past midnight. And I highly doubt she's sleeping…not when she knows I'm about to return. Maybe I should've left and come in the morning…

The door behind me opens with a sound and I fall backwards, hitting the wall inside the elevator, knocking out the air in my chest. Wincing, I manage to see the doorman smirking before my own reflection stares at me. Pressing the right button, I silently curse my bad luck. It's the second time a door opens on my back today…

At last the elevator stops and opens the heavy doors. Settling the bags on the small carpet in front of Kaoru-san's door, I unlock the door and push it open; greeting the same sight I've seen just an hour ago. I grab the bags and head for the kitchen, closing the door behind me. Not a single noise meets my expectant ears, and worry builds inside my chest.

Bags safely placed on top of the counter, I turn to the living room, furrowing my brows. "Kaoru-san?"

Silence.

Oh please…

Rushing forward, I open the door of her room and confirm my despair.

She's not there.

Turning around, I face the bathroom's closed door. To open or not to open, that's the big question…how could Shakespeare be so right centuries ago?

Okay…on a count of three…

One…

Two…

Three!

Grabbing the doorknob, I inhale deeply and turn the cold surface to the right, opening the door. "Kaoru-san?"

Again, no answer.

I open the door wider and enter the room, immediately turning my attention to the bath tub, with its curtain blocking my view to the inside. Water is still running and I slowly approach it, silently praying and hoping that my thoughts are wrong. As I touch the end of the plastic curtain, I falter in my decision.

I know it's ridiculous since I'm a doctor, but, for some reason, seeing Kaoru-san…_naked_…is just…

Sigh.

Focus Kenshin. Don't be an idiot. You're a professional so _act_ like one, okay?

I nod.

_Oh great, I'm ordering myself_.

Taking a breath, I prepare my eyes and mind for what I'm about to see. Rolling the curtain, my eyes land on a passed out form.

"Kaoru-san!"

Rushing down, I turn the cold water tap off, and turn around, quickly looking for a towel. Finding one close to the toilet, I bent down and cover Kaoru-san's body with the comfy fabric, easily picking her up. Her strong shivers alert me for a possible hypothermia and her unconsciousness is tells me she passed out much longer ago than I would want. Entering her room, I softly lay her on the bed, instantly covering her with the sheets. Checking her pulse and breathing, I gladly notice they're regular. She's exhausted.

Looking inside her closet, I find a blanket. Grabbing it, my eyes spot a pair of gymnastic trousers and a sweater lying carelessly on the floor. Picking the clothes up, I approach the shivering body. Her usually rosy lips are wrinkled and purple and all the colour of her face is drawn out.

Oh Kaoru-san…what have you done to yourself?

Gently unwrapping the towel from her freezing body, I quickly dress the garments, tucking her inside the sheets and place the blanket on top of her. I check her pulse once again, before heading to the kitchen, fumbling around the place until I finally succeed on finding a spoutand warm up some water.

Waiting for the water to start boiling, I trail softly to Kaoru-san's bedroom, checking her state. She is still shivering, but her lips are beginning to return to their original colour. Thankfully, I had returned fast from the shopping, otherwise…

I don't even want to think about it.

Tucking the sheets beneath her creamy chin I return to the kitchen to find the water already boiling and evaporating. Great…now where did I put the tea bag? _Oh, there you are_…After filling the empty cup with the hot tea, I shut down the lights and head towards her room.

The bed roars when my weight is settled on top of it, but my concerns at the moment are directed to the mourning woman lying next to me. With the cup safely placed on top of her bedside table, I gently press my hands to her forehead. Her body heat is starting to regain strength once again; relieving some of the tension I'm feeling right now. I just want her to wake up…

Placing my hand on her shoulder, I shake her lightly, softly calling her name. To my dismay, she doesn't stir to my attempts on waking her up. My brows furrow in worry, and I allow my eyes to scan the semi-dark room, grinning when they land on a pink glassy bottle carefully placed on top of her dressing-table. Silently making my way to the furniture, I grab and open the bottle, giving a quick smell to its content and wrinkling my nose away from it quickly, fighting a sudden urge to sneeze.

Good, this will definitely work.

Returning to her side, I gently approach the bottle from her nose, watching as she softly inhales and exhales a couple of times, until…

"ACHOO!"

A smile touches my lips as I watch her brilliant eyes open to the world in utter confusion. Settling the bottle on the bedside table, I turn again to find my eyes lock into a pool of shocked emotions. "Ah, finally you're awake! I'm sorry I had to resort into making you sneeze, but you weren't waking…how are you feeling?"

* * *

_Miserable?_

"I have a headache…" I whisper more to myself than to the grinning man in front of me. Feeling my temples throbbing at my heart's rhythm, I gently massage them, silently asking for the pounding to go away.

"Fairly predictable, since you decided to change your bathtub into a North Pole pool…I do remember saying _warm_ bath…" A reprimanding tone held in his voice.

I give him the most innocent smile I can plaster on my face. "I'm sorry?" I sound like a child who was caught stealing something…

He shakes his head, his red locks falling in front of his caring amethyst eyes. "There's no need to apologise to me; it was your body that was shivering for an hour." He tells me, turning to grab a cup placed on top of my bedside table, and handing me the warm object. "Here, drink this. It'll calm you nerves, relax and warm up your body."

"You really are a doctor…" I mutter, relishing the warm feeling beneath my cold fingers.

He smiles. "Thank you. Now drink."

"Hai…" Forget the mother thing…he sounds just like my father.

Thinking about my father suddenly reminds me of why Kenshin is here in the first place. Closing my eyes, I feel new fresh tears threatening to fall out once again. The pain I so want to forget rushes through my body, cruelly reminding me of a bitter cold truth: all my loved ones left me alone. First my parents. And now Enishi.

"Kaoru-san?"

Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes. "Hai?"

"Where is Enishi?"

Ah…here it is. The dreadful question…My throat tightens and my eyes start burning from the pain inside my heart. Closing my eyes once again, I softly whisper the cold truth. "He left." I can't see his face, but the constrict silence that fills the room is enough to tell me he's shocked. Or confused.

"He left? What do you mean?"

That's it, as plain as it is. "He left. The country…the house…me…everything…" I voice falter as I trail off, biting my lower lip to stop it from trembling.

A long pause follows my last word, and for a few moments neither utters a single sound. Then, his soft voice sounds through the room once again. "When?"

"A week ago…"

Another pause. "Is that why you're in your present state?"

Shame circles my body and I lower my head, unable to look at him. Somehow, I just can't stand to watch the look of disappointment he must have in his eyes right now.

Rubbing my nose to ease the itchy feeling of tears trying to break through, I softly whisper my confession. "I've spent my life afraid of being alone, because I thought that, since I had no one, a disease could appear and I'd die, and no one would be there to miss me. When I met Enishi, I wasn't alone anymore, and my fears changed. I started thinking that, now that I was with someone, I'd catch a disease and die, and didn't want to leave my happiness."

"And now that he's gone, there's nothing here to stop the diseases from appearing."

I can feel my cheeks flush at that. "Something along those lines…do you think I'm crazy?"

"No." Kenshin tells me seriously and I have no answer to that.

Of course, he's a doctor, but still…it always required a great effort from me to speak about this…_thing_…I have. That being the reason that only Misao and Keiko-san knows about it.

His voice snaps me from my thoughts. "But I think you have something other than hypochondria, and is the real responsible for all your distress."

I blink. "What?"

"Have you ever heard of something called Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?"

Hum…"No…"

"It is a psychological disease that affects your mind and causes your body to create actions – compulsions -, to alleviate what your mind is thinking or imagining, the obsessions it creates." He informs me with a professional serious tone.

My headache is getting worse…"I don't understand what you're trying to say…" Weren't we talking about Enishi?

"I think that you suffer from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, or OCD, which combines with hypochondria due to the fact that all your obsessions relate with diseases and death."

"So…I have a mental illness?" I ask, furrowing my brows while taking a sip from the warm tea.

He nods. "Yes, but in a different sense you're thinking. You are not insane, schizophrenic, or have any mental illness of that sort. What you have is a possible lack of an enzyme in your brain which, when working normally, controls your emotions. Because it's not working properly, your brain creates worries, thoughts – obsessions – that won't leave your mind even when you fight against them, and ends up creating a sort of movements – compulsions – that will help you ease your obsessions."

I finish drinking the tea and hand him the empty cup, still absorbing the information he just told me. "I…I guess I can relate with what you're saying…"

He grabs the cup and places on the bedside table, before turning to lock his eyes into mine. The held so much comfort…"That's because people with OCD are perfectly aware of their fears and compulsions, but are unable to stop them, even if their obsessions are completely unacceptable."

"Is it…curable?"

Kenshin smiles and place his hands on my shoulders, gently pushing me to lie down on my mattress. "Of course. There's medicine and therapy sessions that help ease the obsessions and will teach you to deal with your thoughts."

I open my voice to ask him more, but he cuts my words. "But now, it's time for you to rest." He tells me softly, tucking me in, so tenderly and caring that all I can do is stare at his face.

"Why are you doing this?" I whisper.

He finishes his 'task' and sits straight, looking down with amiable eyes. "It's my profession."

_Ouch_…wasn't expecting that one. I mean…I thought we were more than doctor and patient…we're not even doctor and patient to begin with!

"But that's not why I'm here…" Kenshin tells me softly.

"Then…"

He shakes his head. "Your friend, Makimachi-san, called my office at the clinic and begged me to come here because she hadn't heard a word from you for a week."

"Oh…" So he's here because Misao asked him to. Of course…I can't believe I actually thought he would come here out of sudden worry for my absence. You're so _dumb_ Kamiya Kaoru…

"But I didn't stay because of her…"

I lift my eyes to meet his in confusion. "Then why did you stay?"

He leans towards me, placing his elbows on my bed to support his body. "Because I care about you."

I know I'm blushing deeply at that. "You don't even know me…"

Red puffy eyes and nose don't exactly qualify as sexy, and I'm certain I look like a tomato due to our closeness. Kenshin doesn't seem to mind my current state at all as he leans even closer, smiling ever so tenderly at me.

"I know you enough to know that you have several different smiles, each of them specialfor all those around you." He tells me softly, smiling fully at my blush. "I know you blush for the simplest things, and how beautiful you look with that soft shade of pink in your cheeks." His finger brushes my cheek gently, to make his point.

My breath is starting to feel heavier by the second as his deep violet orbs bore into mine, as if trying to see my soul. I can almost feel him touch it…I swallow nervously.

"I know you enough to know how you swallow when you're nervous. I know you have a friend named Misao, who sometimes doesn't seem to understand you that well." I snort lightly. _You're right about that…_ "I know you love Florence and you're planning to go there sometime…" He trails off softly, pausing to reach out for my hand, carefully wrapping it in between his both hands. They are soft and firm, definitely hands of a surgeon. They transmit such peace that I can imagine how tranquil his patients would be before their surgery.

His eyes are keeping me hypnotised, unable to blink or break the stare. Smiling softly at me, causing his eyes to wrinkle at the sides, he continues gently. "I know you're a hypochondriac. I know you fight hard against yourself, every single day."

My lower lip starts quivering against my will as I hear those words coming out of his mouth. So understanding…so caring…

"I know you were engaged with a long time friend of mine, who just abandoned you. I know you are suffering. I know you think you're alone."

At this point, my eyes and nose are moistened and I try my best to control my trembling chin.

"I know you pout when you're about to cry." He tells me, gently touching my chin. "You see…I may not know your parent's names, or when your birthday is…but I know you need someone."

A tear rolls down my cheek, soon to be followed by another…and another… Kenshin gently trails down the tear's path. "I know how hard it is to be alone in the world. And I know that you're not alone. You have Makimachi-san…and you have me."

"I'm here, Kaoru." No –san, no formalities. Just Kaoru, just Kenshin.

Then, he takes something from his trousers pocket.

When my eyes lay on the familiar light blue fabric, I choke a sob. Closing my eyes, I allow this perfect man sitting in front of me to dry my tears with the very same thing that brought us to the present moment.

A handkerchief.

Maybe…

…Maybe I still have a reason to live…

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N:** I could end the story right here…leave it to my readers imagination…hum…docks a flying computer OKAY OKAY! I'm not that evil anyway…don't worry winks But honestly, I felt that, in this chapter, I gave a step back…did you like it? I mean…it has all the topics I wanted to explore but…I feel like something's missing. ALSO, this is _not_ the revised version SO if you notice some spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes, please do know that, as soon as my LOVELY beta-reader sends me the revised chapter, I'll repost it!

Tell me what you think! I hope it was an enjoyable reading to you all!

As always, thank you for all your reviews! I love each and every of them, all the critics, compliments and simple statements. Thank you so much.

Bye bye to you all!

Agnes.


	20. A scar

**Disclaimer:** I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

**Synopsis:** What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

_Italics_ – thoughts

**A/N:** MOST SPECIAL THANKS TO MY BETA-READER!!! waves frenetically Okay, so I've been a really bad bad person, since I haven't updated any of my stories for months now. It's just that I've began working in a production company and time has been crazy for me. Also, my imagination seems to be lacking…I was with a major writer's block. You know when you're sitting in front of the computer, with all the ideas swirling in your mind, but your fingers don't move? I was like that…So, gomen ne all of you! I'm so sorry for the delay! Well, that's it!

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! puppy eyes

On with the story!

* * *

**Story Of My Life**

**Chapter Nineteen:**** A scar**

Red.

It's the first thing my eyes notice the moment I decide to leave my dreams and greet reality.

The sun is shinning proudly in the sky making me wince at the sudden brightness in the room. Blinking twice, I adjust my blurred vision and furrow my brows when they focus on a massive red hair. A hair which is, curiously, attached to a head, lying on my bed, as the rest of the body uncomfortably sits on the floor.

Himura Kenshin sighs in front of me, continuing in his blissful sleep.

Suddenly remembering the night's events, I slowly sit on my bed, glancing at the sleeping man. He actually slept in that uncomfortable position the entire night…and all because I so intelligently decided to freeze myself to death. I abuse of this man's kindness. And to think we've only known each other for a month and so.

And what a strange and peculiar way to meet someone. Generally, you meet a person either because you have friends in common or at a bar. Not so generally, you meet in a train journey, or at a library, or because you bumped into each other in the middle of the street and, in order to apologise for your clumsiness, you go grab a cup of coffee together.

So, statistically analyzing, people don't meet at a park, crying their eyes out, only to have a light blue handkerchief placed under their noses. And, to add the impossibility to the entire situation, the said handkerchief's owner being a pure and gentle soul, with incredible good looks.

But, I met Himura Kenshin that way. And we spent a few days without even knowing each others names, simply because it wasn't needed.

Then, we met again.

And this time, we exchanged our names.

We were no longer strangers.

But it was as if we were meeting all over again. In those days when we didn't know each others names, our moments together were deeper. Maybe even improper since I was…_engaged_…but, they felt so right, and I was feeling so good around him that I didn't want to think on the consequences.

We were developing something.

When I entered that clinic and stumbled upon him, it was as if those previous days had never happened. I started being _Kaoru-san_ and he started being _Kenshin-san_. He was no longer my handkerchief man.

We became more polite towards each other, as we stepped into the real world. A world where our unnamed feelings were left behind. Not that they aren't there anymore…I guess they're just…hidden.

Discarding my thoughts, I glance at him once again. His red mane is tied into a low ponytail that reaches his shoulder-blades. It's a strong hair and yet it looks so soft. The light in the room makes the colour brighter, becoming more livid than the deep blood red I've noticed when he was over to have dinner.

Enishi's hair was…is…was silver white.

_Sigh. Stop thinking about him…_

Deciding not to let my thoughts wander further, I roll my eyes before landing once again at the massive red sea of hair. I wonder if it is as soft as it seems. Would it be sinful to touch it? Would he mind? Maybe his wife used to play with his locks and I'll end up bringing bitter memories…

I shouldn't even be thinking about this…I've just been abandoned by my fiancé and I'm having desires to touch another man's hair.

I breathe in deeply, before slowly exhaling the air inside my chest. Would it be so wrong to give him comfort when he has done so much more than that for me? After all, he did fell asleep sitting on the floor because of me. Maybe…

My hand is moving even before I'm aware of that fact and I gasp lightly when my fingers touch a red lock. My heart quickens inside my ribcage and I allow my fingers to tangle with the locks. It is soft at the touch, but strong at the same time. His hair reflects himself, for Kenshin-san is as strong in personality as soft with his words. His hair is different than the others, bravely outstanding in its red glory, just as the man before me always seems to have the right words at the right time, with the right meaning. He's always so sure of his words…

Suddenly his voice invades my mind.

"_What answer are you trying to find?"_

"_The answer to change my life…"_

"_I'm sure it'll come with time. Don't force the situation. One day, you'll find that answer and you won't even need those games."_

"_You think?"_

"_I'm sure."_

The sides of my lips tilt up as I remember all the times he so confidently told me to believe that the future will bring me joy. I'm not so sure about that right now…even if he's giving me a sense of peace I haven't felt in a long time. I just lost Enishi…and I was left alone…but just a week after being left all by myself, I have a man I've grown to consider as a friend, sleeping next to me, guarding my sleep, making sure I'm alright.

His head is turned to the side, his left cheek being caressed by the sun strays. His skin appears to be soft, and he has very few signs marking his skin. His features are indeed privileged, making him a very handsome man.

I wonder how his wife was able to leave him.

Idiot woman. Sure, it was her son and I don't even imagine how it feels to lose a son. If it's half close to losing your parents, than I never want to feel a pain like that again. But nothing justifies her actions. Leaving her husband, who tried everything in his power and beyond to save his beloved child and who held his hand until the little soul stopped breathing…it's not fair. Not human. Not an understandable attitude coming from the woman who, supposedly, loved her husband.

To have to endure something like that; loosing his son and wife, having the life he once knew fall apart, I can only wonder how he's able to have the heart to comfort me.

Me and my stupid problems.

"_You're not spoiled, neither are your problems insignificant! My son died five years ago and you're the reason for me to stop m__ourning it so deeply and focus on other people suffering around me!"_

Yes, he told me that when I said my problems were insignificant. And as I sit here, gently caressing his locks, I see once again how I turn a little water drop into a tropical hurricane. Here I am, crying and isolating myself from the world, just because my fiancé left the country to pursue his professional career. My best friend frantically calling everyday, trying to talk to me, trying to understand and maybe even comfort me, and I was childishly enough to block her from my head and ignore that I have people who love me and care for me.

Kenshin-san however…I wonder if anyone knocked on his door when his world fell apart.

Had I known him that time, I also would've fell asleep on his bed, giving him my silent support. I would give him everything he's been giving me this past month.

My eyes glance at him, and I gently move my fingers from his hair to his soft and slight tanned cheek, leaning forward so that my elbows are supporting my weight against the mattress. His brows are coloured in a darker shade of his hair, framing the now closed amethyst eyes that had taken my action the moment I looked up from the handkerchief. Eyes that carefully hide his true feelings; what lies deep inside his heart and soul.

Then, I notice something I never saw before.

Leaning closer, I furrow my brows at a firm line on his left cheekbone, starting in his temple and ending under his left eye.

It's a scar.

The skin is damaged, so obviously he didn't have the wound treated, as it should've been, leaving a scar to forever remind him of the occasion.

What could have caused such scar?

Maybe he fell from a bicycle when he was young. Or maybe he fell from a tree. Or even a bad boy punched him and left a scar.

Does it bring painful memories? What if the scar was made in one of the funniest days of his life? It is possible…children are careless and he could've injured himself doing something tricky.

Somehow, this scar on the left side of his face suits him. Call me childish, but red hair, amethyst eyes and a scar on his cheekbone make him look like a character from a movie. But he's not…he's real, and he's sleeping right in front of me.

My fingers slowly trail upwards, inching closer to the damaged skin, until they finally reach their destination. But the minute my shaking fingers touch his scar, Kenshin's eyes shot open and he snaps his head upwards, catching my wrist in an iron grip, causing me to yelp and yank back, in a failing effort to release myself.

For a moment, neither of us moves: breaths caught inside our chests and my wrist still captured in his strong hand. His eyes, clouded from sleep, stare deeply into mine in confusion and, in this brief moment, I can read what's deeply inside his soul: distress, pain, sadness, emptiness…hopeless.

A lost and empty shell.

In this brief moment, I understand he's not as strong as he tries to portrait. In this brief moment I see…he's as human as I am. He's not an angel, he's not a character from a movie.

He is a man. He was a husband. He was a father. He was a surgeon. He had everything.

And he lost it all.

And I can see now, as clear as water. This scar was made right in that moment…the moment he lost everything.

His eyes blink twice and, slowly, his iron grip eases and he releases a breath, letting go of my wrist. My hand falls on the bed as I struggle to calm my fast beating heart, the shock of the ordeal still in my system. Absently massaging the portion of skin previously grabbed in his hand, I watch Kenshin raise a shaking hand to the hair I had just been touching a few minutes ago, running his fingers through the red locks and closing his eyes.

"Kaoru-san, I was…it's just-" He pauses for a long moment, before sighing deeply, looking into my eyes, his hand dropping on his leg. "Gomen nasai…I didn't want to scare you…" He finishes in a pained whisper.

Something stirs in my heart. "Iie, it wasn't my place to touch-"

"No, it's not that. I was just…caught in surprise, that's all. Daijoubo honto ni, Kaoru-san." Kenshin says, placing an obvious false smile at his lips.

Silence invades the room, announcing the increasing tension growing between us. I look down to my hands, suddenly finding my nails an interesting thing to play with.

Can my life become more complicated?

"How was your night? Are you feeling better?"

Refusing to raise my eyes, I nod slowly in remorse. "Hai…thank you for taking care of me." I finish in a small voice.

There's a pause.

"I stayed because I wanted to." He tells me with his honest voice.

Raising my eyes to look at him, I'm greeted with a small restrained smile that I doubt he knows I can see. I smile slightly in return.

Another moment passes in silence, before he claps his hands. "Well, are you hungry? I'll go make us some breakfast. Do you like lychees?" He asks, rising from his position immediately after is question, barely giving me time to answer.

"I can help you-"

"Iie, you go refresh yourself while I head to the kitchen. I'll meet you in the living room, ne?" He says, closing the door behind him.

I stare at the closed door, the wood surface smirking at me, mocking eagerly by closing me inside, increasing the distance between me and Kenshin.

I glare at it, then sigh deeply.

I really messed up this time…

* * *

Stepping into the bathroom, I turn to close the door and a sudden sharp pain inside my chest blocks my movements. My hand shots up to my breast, desperately pressing against it, in an attempt of making the pain disappear. Breathing hard, my vision blurs and my head starts spinning and I lean against the counter, trying to support my body weight as my shaking legs lose their strength. For a few seconds, all I can see is dark, all I can feel is pain in my chest and a major lack of air.

Suddenly, it's gone as fast as it came.

Blinking twice, I raise my shaking hand to my face and breathe in slowly, before feeling my heart. It beats regularly now, as if nothing had happened. Trusting in my legs once again, I close the bathroom's door and lean against it.

What was that? I felt like I was fainting…It must be a consequence of my stupid act yesterday. Of course…and adding to the nervous episode just now with Kenshin-san, my nervous system must be a rack of tumbling emotions. I seem to be doing quite a few stupidities lately…especially this morning. I knew I shouldn't have touched his hair, let alone his scar. He looked so lost and hurt… All he has done for me, all the comfort he gave, all the kind and peaceful moments we've spent together, this is how I repay him…by making him sleep on the floor and touching his painful scar, awaking memories I'm certain he doesn't want to remember.

You're really stupid Kaoru…really stupid…

Sighing deeply, I start undressing myself, feeling miserable.

_I'm so sorry Kenshin…_

* * *

**  
Kenshin's POV**

My hand pauses in midair, stopping the repeating and boring movement of cutting vegetables. My pathetic attempt in distracting myself with breakfast has stopped working long ago. I can no longer ignore what happened just moments ago. How could I lose it like that? I thought it was over…this aggressive side of me that snaps and hurts without even thinking twice. Why else would I meditate? Why else?

And now, because of this…stupidity…I've scared her.

Kaoru-san.

Kami-sama, have I lost her?

I snort at that thought. Lost? How can I lose something that it's not mine to begin with? And I shouldn't be thinking of Kaoru-san this way. She just lost her fiancé and I am thinking as if she's my property.

"You're an idiot Himura…"

Sighing, I resume my task of preparing her a nice breakfast. She really needs to regain her health. She has grown thinner this past week; I felt her bony wrists when I…

…when I grabbed her forcefully.

Dropping my head in shame, I almost cut my finger when her gentle voice calls my name. Turning around, I hesitantly smile at her approaching form. Stepping next to me, she silently grabs a second knife and begins to peel of a carrot. Looking up at my questioning eyes, she smiles reassuringly, before turning to her task.

Her pink tongue comes out and is caught in between her lips as she concentrates on peeling the orange vegetable. With her face free from any kind of make up, and regaining her natural colours, her beauty astonishes me. It's wrong to think this way, but can someone stand so close to this form of innocence without really appreciate it?

She's not gorgeous. Definitely not a goddess or a model. She's smaller than me and not thin, but not chubby either – perfect. Her features are plain, but beautifully built: small shaped nose, gently full rosy lips, creamy white skin, with only two identical brown spots marking the skin under her right eye…

…and her amazing eyes.

Sapphire blue eyes aren't usually seen amongst Japanese, but they fit her in more ways than one. They say the eyes are the mirror to the soul, and I couldn't agree more – it were those two magnificent orbs that attracted me in the first place. How could two beautiful jewels like those carry so much distress and sadness?

One would think that someone as beautiful as Kaoru-san couldn't be sad, depressed…alone.

But one could always be wrong.

For someone so small, Kaoru-san has showed me her strength, even if she herself is not aware of it. She thinks she's fragile, and she hides her true strength behind her disease…

Then again, her beauty comes from the fact that she's not aware of it.

Blinking twice, I realise I'm staring at her, and turn to my previous and long forgotten task, fighting against the heat at my cheeks. I really shouldn't be thinking any of this…Kaoru-san is my friend – the first friend I've had in five years – who didn't judge me when I told about my son, who spent an entire day with me, fully trusting in my goodness, who gave me the most enchanting smile I've ever received from a woman when I gave her the snow-globe…who's slowly growing in my heart.

I close my eyes at that.

_No she's not. Stop with those thoughts and focus on your finger before you cut it of__f!_

Sighing, I glance at her once more, before looking at the potato, allowing the silence between us to become comforting.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N:** HEY GUYS!! HAPPY 2007 EVERYONE!!! (My God, it's so embarrassing to say this in July…) Wow…it's been so long…since September!! shame on me But I've been working…so it was really impossible to have inspiration. Honestly, I needed time to start writing a few sentences at first, in order to have the words flowing from me.

Well, this chapter revealed some interesting things, in my opinion anyway. It's small, but at least I'm back at writing.

I do hope you all enjoy reading it and…

Review! Review! Review!

puppy eyes I know Agnes was a really bad girl, but Agnes really really wants to know if her readers are still interested in her story…poor Agnes… puppy eyes

Hehehe, well people, thank you all for the constant support you give me and for, hopefully, your interest in my fiction!

Bye bye everyone!

Agnes.


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